these are the best days of our lives

so going to bonnies for thanksgiving is a go :) im excited. haha.

i havent had time to talk to sam much latly i think he thinks i dont like him as much any more and i do. i think it will be fine though. i hope =/

so the play is finally over, i did my part very good each night of preformance anyways yeah like the second to last preformance they like did this retarded thing with the bench likke.. they had done it so many time before it was just rediculous. but it doesnt matter. yesterday was surprisingly fun :) so it was the last last preformance we all went to Ci Ci's in between shows. and at the end we striked the set and had a mini party. we were sopposed to go home witth allison (me and vittoria) but being as were kinda like eh alisons so clinging i didnt really want to and i guess vittoria didnt either insted we went to virttorias house with theese twins that i have known since 1st grade from my sisters girl scout troop i didnt like them then  becuase my mom didnt like their mom. but nothing personal. anyways im growing on them now though there nice and they like me and vittoria. ..anyways we had a sleep over with them and this other girl in the play named lisa she's nice too. alison couldnt come. wich i was glad. i know im horrible. but whats really horrible is my grammer. haha we used a ouiji board it was freeky i think it was working because a few times like everyones finger was like hovering over it and it was moving it was kreepy. plus we were all like huddled in the basement. then we played halo the next morning lisa had church so we all played, we did teams to make it fair the twins wernt good haha at all i felt bad because me and toria kept killing them but atleast we did fair teams , cause me and vittotia were on diffrent teams so yeah, we are basically equal  skill wise. i orginized my game cabnet and i got another cabnet in my room so yay . im almost done with it. but i still have a bit to go. 

im gonna try to finish tonight .

i cant wait till christmas. i want that ipod so bad. im so excited but im kinda ticked that kelsey and allison want the red one too. like what the jank yo. reds my favorite color. i understansd kelsey because we have the same taste somewhat. but i think allison only does because she new me and kelsey did. 

my hair is absolutly discuting. haha its covered in hair spray . anyways so today is the last of days to preform the play and i had alot of fun, i did my jobs perfectly well. however last night .. omar just decided not to come that made me mad. you have made a commitment and to just not come on prefoming night.. thats not cool.  he didnt even tell the stage manajor. anyways so last night all was fine without omar, accept allison was like flipping out cause she moves the door with him,... and though we have done this like 7 times or so she was like I DONT KNOW WHEEE THE DOOR GOES MAH and im like how many times have you done this just guess. ok i have to go to preformance

today was the night of the ftsk and cs concert. i didnt get to go, but i had other dedications to tend to. so i was actually relieved with what went down, kind of annoying though. so the plan had been that allisons  mom was getting me my ticket and i was going to pay her back the following day all day on monday allison told me that her mom got my ticket cause i told allison that i didnt really want to go since i had the play so if she could stop her mom then it would be great, but she siad here mom already got it. so i was forced to tell mr. prince (theater teacher ) that i couldnt attend the last run before the final preformance wich is tommarow. its scary. anyways so we were coming home from practice and her mom got home the same time as her my dad siad oh here is the money we owe you for michelles ticket allisons mom siad what? i didnt know she was sopposed to get one and then i jumped in saying well then thats ok because i have to go to practice. then allisons mom turned in anger and it was WELL THEWN WHO WILL ALLISON GO WITH... and i gave a look of um... allison never planned to go with me she was riding with kelsey we were all riding with kelsey it was kind of smart ass tone but im sorry i cant help it if your daughter doesnt tell you whats going on. then allison was all.. well then i dont know if i want to go that just like pissed me off, she has to do what i do. and then her mom would get all pissed at me because she wasted her money but it isnt my fault. but i siad.. what ? i can cover for you you have a ticket just ride home with kelsey its simple. and with that i got the conversation and we left. ugh it was nervracking. i hope i dont screw up during the play. i really really hope i do my part good. its late im going for some sleep.

oh and sam put red in his hair i think its pretty, but i think his hair is too long, he should cut it but im not telling him because i dont want him to change because i want him to. he can do what he wants but he looks like a girl somtimes and thats weird.

 so today before i made way to good will.. my dad was on the phone and he kinda siad "i love you" i could tell he siad it but he didnt want me to hear, so we got in the car and i asked him who was it.. and he thought for a minuete or too and then siad KIm . that was a lie, a major lie kim is somone who  works with him who has a big boyfriend, and its just you know that he wouldnt be saying i love you to a co  worker. 

ugh fuck my computer is fucked. like it has a virus and meep i dont know what to do its my moms fault, because she screwed up putting the stupid virus protecter wich was a bad one, too and then after that she messed it up and i got a virus. 

anyways.. im not sure why my dad would lie that only says somthing isnt in place, like i wouldnt lie if say i was doing somthing good but perhaps i stole somthing and then later i got accused and ofcorse i will deny it. does that make sense? what reason should he have of lying he's aloud to love someone but why lie about who your talking to.?

 so allisons party was on saturday, i cleaned most of the day until it was time to go, i wish i had more time to clean because im simply not finished, im trying to get everything orginized it has gotten out of control. and as unconvinent as it was my mom unloaded a shit load of boxes of pretty much trash for me to go through . .so now its a mess everywhere, i hope i'll have time this weekend. the play is on wensday, like the actual thing, then its the rest of the week with two shows on saturday. monday and tuesday are the last to days to practice. not to menchen.. that tuesday is the cobra starship concert, with forever the sickest kids, what im hoping is that it wont run late and i can hopefully be done in time. ugh. so much to do . i hate the clutter it adds a little chaos to everything. 

i went out and got my black pants from good will i also got black shoes,  being in crew you wear all black.  i also got this adorable mini skirt its that blue/green that everyone you know will like it. <3 and its spinny haha so yay, anyways i felt so odd being completly in black from my shirt to my socks. it was like we were all apart of some cult of somthing. 

i got alison a hot topic gift card, i didnt know what to get her she wanted me to make her somthing but she wont like wear anything i could make her.. and what i have gotten her in the past she doesnt wear so i figured insted of wasting my money i'd let her pick it our herself, you cant go wrong with gift cards, and to spice it up we (me and kelsey( made her a really big card so that was fun) her party was surprisingly fun. there was only 5 people me sam kelsey richard and alison.. itt was sad, but we just thought hell there missing out, her garage was perfect for the mini rave it was cute we danced a little and then we just kinda chilled, and everyone had fun. and we played a little hid and seek hah a. we were going to go nome hunting, however it got to dark. 

nome hunting: when you go around the neighborhood finding a garden nome or other taky garden thing, ...steel it =/ keep it for two weeks then put it in some one elses yard xP wich decided that you put it in the yard directly across from the yard you found it haha .

 

haha so im afficially total bad ass, i ditched play practice today, haha >.< today was a half day and i was beat, i just really wanted to go home. i spent forever organizing my pictures haha. unfortunatly that means i didnt work on my room, wich is REALLY messy, its a clothing explosion, plus this t.v stand with my game systems is now in the middle of my room because my dad moved it when it was convinient for him but when i was ready for it liek two weeks ago, he was plopped in front of the t.v trying to find somthing to watch. anyways sam also wanted me to go to his house today, but i didnt feel like it. i dont really feel like being at anyones house, i hope he doesnt get the wrong impression though,  what i really want is to get my freekin room organized, but i always get distracted, cause i mean i'd rather be doing anythingelse then cleaning my room, but then when it is clean im so much happier, and not clutterd. plus i need to do laundry. ugh. 

money money money . 

this is always the money crazy month, ugh like first it was vittorias birthday wich i actually gave her a crapy gift, i feel bad but i dont have enough money for everything i have to get done, or want to do actually its my dads money and i feel bad for asking for so much, my friends just dont understand that i cant just take take take. it doesnt work liek that. i think its because i feel like my mom blames me for her massive debt and if she doesnt, i know that some of that was my fault, and i dont want my dad to  end up liek that because of me, just because he cant say no. anyways so whats so expensive this month.. lets see theres that first concert that was 18 dollars and i bought a cd and two posters coming to 25 dollars total ofcorse thats on me, then theres a cobra startship concert comign up which has an amazing line up, and its a fun line up, deffinitly dancing material, thats around 15. worth it? deffinitly. then mrs. hanky (the most amazing art/craft teacher one could possibly have) wants to take us on a feild trip to a craft show. thats 15 dollars as well. then its alisons birthday.. although she doesnt really giev people presents.. so i dont see why she should get them like .. she shares other peoples presents as her own.. like the skirt i made vittoria.. was "from allison too" and for my birthday ....her and kelsey got me crap i didnt mind that kelsey did but its the fact that allison shared a gift with her .. and it wasnt anything, like kelsey did that to everyone o it was like kk. but seriously.. id ratehr they just gave me the 5 dollars they would spend on crap insted of giving me crap because i dont need anything like that, it just sits in my room making clutter. oh and i must go to good will and get some black pants but that will coast a hole like 3 dollars so i can get that on my own. i think i will get allison dollar tree stuff i hope they still have scarfs, ill try to get her good stuff from cheap places, but atleast it will be stuff she can actually use. afterall she considers me her best friend, wich is sad, since i get so agravated when she follows lose to me. i think i get soo ugh with her because of how she was when i was first with sam, everyone new we would go out. and she told me before i broke up with omar not to, and when i asked why it was " because sam infuriates me and if you go out with him you will to." i asked her straight up and serious if She liked sam i swore to her i wouldnt tell anyone, and i wouldnt go out with him if that was the real reason she gave me an honest look and siad "no" so i went with him because that was a stupid reason, and also i found out that she asked hunter M to ask me out just so sam couldnt...even if he didnt like me thats so wrong on so many levels, and after we went out allison was an ass hole to sam. she had been for a while when me and omar had issues.  and just the way she treated him pissed me off. and she acted nice around him when i wasnt there, but when i was she went all bitch., i dont even know how to explian, it plus i should be able to put the past behind me. but i do have the problem of holding grudges. i think part of it is, ofcorse i can forgive, but i will never forget. she put me in a position where i had to chose, it was if you go out with him we cant be friends. and that alone was wrong if she was my friend, she would have given me a better HONEST answer to why we shouldnt go out, and she wouldnt have made me chose friends dont do that, if a friend does somthing the other knows is wrong, the one friend cant chage the desision but she can be there fpr support, be there when somthing happens. not abandon completly. anyways as long ago as it feels, and it actually was a while ago. im not sure where my point is with all that. but.. maybe by releasing it, i can have a better grip?

all was well with the weekend i got book four of the vampire series im reading (a house of night novel) so yay for that. im so tired actually im shaking im so tired, im going to go get dome red peper humus and chips so i can finish this entry easier, and maybe calm the shaking. man this humus is sooo good haha. i hadn't tried this kind before yesterday, and its better then the normal hummus. i like hummus alot, you can pretty much make it taste however you please, 

OK  so three cheers for a fun packed weekend. haha saturday we had set build for the play, it wasnt bad allison and me went, and it was pretty fun i like allison like when its just us two (ill explain later) although they didnt really have it organized, and they wernt sure what we should do. we painted the throne for the play because the people who did it last week did horrible job, and we did an excellent job seiously, then they decide after we painted it that they needed to sand down cause the bottom of the chair had massive dry paint from the previous week, and that was bad.. BUT for some reason they went and sanded the hole freeking chair, because that was nessasry? yeah no. so me and allison were wondering here and there, and we went up to where they were walking, well like the kids who were a year older then us who were all  were painting the chairs because..its such a hard thing and even though you both are in art class, and actually would be fine at this.. .we dont want you to look at us.. so we were like.. haha ok? and as we left this fat girl brittney.. who has the second biggest role in the play comes storming out behind us and literally roars.. .at me and allison "UM I TOLD YOU THREE TIMES TO GET ME SOME TAPE" now me and allison like had no idea.. and since neither one of us heard her.. well then she musnt have been very loud sheesh, i mean im fine with doing somthing for you, but hell im not your lacky im here to help you, but not if you bitch at me in a tone that i dont like. so the only thing we could really think of was.. "um ok well apperantly since you asked three times you didnt ask loud enough." but i wish i told her more like well obviously we didnt hear you, were here to help no need to yell at us, because you cant talk clearly" or "well iuf your going to yell go get it yourself.. " like seriously i wasnt taking orders but yes since were on the same side its called helping, you dont go and bitch at, it doesnt sound bad but it really was like.. ok chill  out. haha after she yelled at us we still didnt get the tape... we just sat there and stared. i noticed that most theater kids, like are really know it all-y and like see them selves as highers then other people.

 

woops i got way to much dip haha or i need more chips. anyways yep so after that i went to kelseys and we headed to the norva and ofcorse along the way we checked out soem candy and yummy gummy sours, and cokes and well had a nice lil car ride, the concert was really fun the line up was. the status who i never heard of before but they were so good that i just had to get their  CD. haha and then it was valencia then the MATCHES. i also like valencia but i LOVE the matches there kind of unique, like there sound doesnt really match anyone elses, and thats cool. also it definitly has dancing potential, with a little insane. and headlining was bayside but we didnt really care for them. the crowd was kinda older, there were about 1/3rd of kids like us well teens then maybe the rest were like 20's-late 30's well maybe afew more teens but whatever you get the point. i dont really like the older crowds with a bunch of drunk beefy guys, thats gross. so luckily there wernt any near us in the crowd. there were theese lady's infront of us like late 20's ew right cause the crowd behind us decided to rush the stage well, somwhat for the matches BUT theese stupid ladies were all HELL NO. well they didnt say it but they didnt let the crown push them closer to the front .. actually they were in the second row but there was a gap infront of them... and so me and kelsey are like squished up aginst them and they wont move, ofcorse there struggling to hold ground but they are. it was gross but that lil gapp infront of them.. was OPERTUNITY! for second row hehe so we sly-ly fit our hip infront of them during the show and so we made second row, and danced away our little spazzymoves. haha it was fun, then when it was bayside we took off in wonder, and went to see if the had free waters, places are sopposed to give water for free but the bar dood shook his head, THEN  ew. ew. ew. yes tripple ews, this is sick, this really drunk guy, like reaking of beer throws his gross arms around me and kelsey and looks from me to her and says , what would you ladies like to drink? and we both gave him a blank, yet stern look of what the hell? and with that we plainly siad WAH-TER very very clearly. he then held up his finger to the bar in that like rock on sign, wich also made for two fingers now we dont know if he bought us waters or we got water for free, cause the tender gave us a cup and we quickly left, and mengled with the merch and famous people. we got some autographs a hug here and there and let the night come to an end. :) 

ok then ofcorse we went back to kelseys popped on the couch, hooked up to fearnet, and watch a cheap horror movie; just how we like em'. it was about a group of riends who were playing at a grave yard and they were just puling a pprank on one of the friends, but he was so scared that he ran into the entrance thing, with sharp edges so he died. Only one of the people went to jail while the others went happily with their lives even though they were there that day too.. (even though the hole thing wasnt sopposed to kill him. they were friends ) so 5 years later his jail time ended and the other friends went to the a camp ground they all went to as kids, to finally put this hole thing to rest, but just the oposet happened. the guy that worked there turned out to be his brother (the guys whose died) and he was all mad about what hapened and a little crazy, he killed all but two of them. haha typical. 

so i got to see caitlyn and kelsey sunday cause caitlin came over, caitlin is like kelseys sister notice the like they tell everyone they are sisters, and its not hard to believe i mean the pretty much are, just not biologically. anyways she one of my friends too haha, shes funny. and has the same veiws and stuff as kelsey. shes also really pretty. not that that effects who she is. 

i had to leave though and go to the divorce recovery class, it was boring this time around i wasnt in a socializing mood somtimes i just am not in the mood for it, and im just yeah not feeling it. 

today was vittorias birthday i saw her this morning and i tackled her in the middle of teh area, i think everyone was looking, im sure they thought we were having a hot make out seen haha no not really. i was screaming happy  birthday and if it was bringing attention well that would only make sense. i'd look to if someone was being a little to loud for their own good, then on our way to class every perons i saw, even if they looked mean or maybe were in a whole new world, hell complete strangers, i told everyone it was vittorias birthday most of them siad happy birthday :) today sha had her party even thoough its a tuesday she wanted it on her birthday. he gift was crappy i didnt get it all, i posted a nice bulliten abotu her on myspace (that wasnt her gift though) i put a skirt that i sewed together for her inside fred (paper maché monster) haha cause his heads cracked, and she gets to keep it till my birthday thats what we do with fred, and she liked it for the most part the skirt was ok.. but i was up till like 1 doing it.. so eh. but i plan to get one of those lam-o necalaces that say like best friends on it or somthing haha, cause its cute and perfectly corny, it will be late but its somthing. but her party was super fun, Richard brought all of his rave party stuff, wich consists of fog machines, strobe/black lights colorful ball things that go color crazy there were like three of those and you couldnt see anything the room was full of fog and blinding rainbows, people danced, raved no drugs ofcorse. UGH ok .. i would have had ALOT more fun though.. if i didnt have a shadow.. alison tends to cling. WAY WAY WAY to much. or to me. she followed me everywhere, i had no space none. im an independent person and i need to breath as if the fog hadnt altered that enough all ready, i mean im not mad at her, after all she was following me because ii guess she didnt knwo where else to and occording to ssam im like her best friend but its annoying i bet she'd have more fun if she wondered on her own a bit. i wwanted to dance with sam, i would start to and sams A really cute rave dancer. but everytime i tried she'd cut in =( i kissed him infront of her she used to hate it so i promised i wouldnt i dont know if she still doesnt like me and him together, but i kissed him, i couldnt help it i really wanted to it wasnt mass make out, just simple. if she didnt want to see.. then she should give me some freeking space, i didnt know how to tell her, i wanted to be away from her for a bit cause thatw asnt it i didnt mind dancing with her and being with her, it was the fact she went exactly where  i did , she sat when i did, she danced when i did, she walked where i did, she layed where i did. it was like she was attatched to me.. eh whatever. it was still super fun and those small seconds i did get to dance with sam is enough for me, besdes i get embaraced easily, i wish i could dance good hah abut im bad at it so.. its just like mah sad face haha well i need to sleep, i already am short of it, and its 12, i need to reset my 10 o clock curfew, alsso this explains the

 ok, so i was a tad dramatic about never talking to jessica agian, considering i have school with her, and i go to the divorce class every sunday with her. a little ignorant too. but i was fired up and angry so .. you know i will say some crazy stuff. tommarows the matches concert i think im going *shrugs* like i dont have my ticket wich is way bad, and tommarow from ten to like 3 i have a set build for the alice in wonderland play at our school, im not in the actual cast, i signed up for the crew though. i should have time for both, its just getting the tickets wich sucks. because i dont know if my dad can. 

i really like the commercials with one person being a decent human being, and another person watches so then they do somthing nice and then ect. their calming haha. 

i went to sams today we walked to his drum lesson place and i read my book while he practiced and stuff then we went to his house played games cuddled the usual smile laughed blah blah, he laughs at me alot haha i like it though, its cute and he thinks im cute. i just wish we could be completly alone. i dont like to do sexual things because im afraid of somone walking in. we wouldnt get in as much trouble as it would be occward plus i just want like a week to just live with him only us, and we could sleep together, . (as in cuddle not fuck) but we might do that to, which is why im not aloud with him alone. haha. 

omg speaking of sam hahahahaah today i could here theese kids behind us saying, is that a boy or girl, they were trying to decifer what gender sam was i turned around and i was like.. he's definitly a girl. haha sam turned around, he already new they were talking about him because they were loud as shit, and well since they asked then i pointed out the obvious and teh found that he was a boy haha its just sams hair is long, and were known as the weird kids at school but im nice to people, somtimes they can be afriad of me. but they find that im weirdly nice and that alone weirds people out. haha see but i enjoy being odd, unusual because the judgemental kids, stay away from me, i get to skip there crap because there judgemental and dont give me chance and im glad, saves me the time as well as theresi dont want those people as my friends anyways.

my god this caste is killing me. its annoying its a good thing its only on my wrist and not my arm, its so hard to type with one hand and if i do with two then i have to hold my cast high in an occward position so it doesnt hit buttons on the keyboard. and its uncomfortable, and it smalls bad haha i cant take like a normal shower, i have to hold my arm out. i know could be worse, much much worse, i am grateful for everyone and and thing in my life. 

im so thankful for bonnie. My family might veiw her as crazy, and cruel but to me she is the oppisite. i like that shes wacky, she introduced me to faires when i was little girl, and she got me into art. she is my inspiration. she hasnt been anything but nice to me so i could care less to what my family thinks, after all my family isnt exactly picture perfect. she created my imagination by opening doors for me while i was growing up. i just wanted to have this here,

she never gave into jessicas crap and always had the same care for jason as i did.

this may be horrible but i always wondered how things would be diffrent without jessica, i think my mom and dad would still be together and desently happy, we would still live in our first cozy home just perfect in size. you know jessica was an acident. thats why our house was only built for two children. she is the one that has caused the fighting and its not right to blame but this is my blog and i can point fingers at whoever the hell i want to .  because she was always the reason they fought it was a matter of sides my mom felt bad for her because me and my brother clung to eachother, scolding at her. and im sorry for that, but that never gave my mom the right to baby her into life so my mom and my dad always argued about what to do with her and she actually would cause the battle to turn on eachother like i siad she new weak spots, and she new their week relationship spots man i sound crazy huh.  

 if im giving complete detail, then i just sighed in relief to be getting to my dear blog. thank god, im out of the car ride from hell.  i dont know where to start i guess i started it by getting all defensive because she brought up taking Ecology next year, and here me out for all my life i have had a bigger, and breathing shadow. i swear she copyies me and somtimes im a little over harsh about it and a little out of my mind, but  fuck anyone who isnt out of there mind is  just inhumaine. i would be using much more cursing but i cooled off after i made my starving self a good dinner, well it helped me cool down a bit, i made some corn and had a nice cup of my vinella soy milk (i bet if ..jessica new i liked it she would too just has she became a vegitarian like myself had.) and i made the left overs from olive garden, i cant get along with my sister and i never will . i seriously hate her . i told her things in trust and she calls me a whore, in my defense im not because its my boyfriend ONLY my boyfriend i do stuff with and i dont get a new boyfriend every week. im not a whore, you know why do you think theres a diffrence in a boy friend and a guy friend? exactly. and i am a virgin. im not having sex hell i havent even given a blow job just because i have a boy friend and we can have steamy make out sessions makes me an averaGE teenager. Ok so that got out of proportion and i get pissed becuase of the way she trats my mom. shes a bitch and im not talking about your average bitch who PM's and goes all insane im talking About a cold hard bitch that doesnt understand how to be a nice person, like i cant explain how she does things but its total disrespect Jessica has to be incontroll of everything and everyone and when she loses, well she's not going to like that. my poor mom. anywways im not having the realationship with either one until she can be nice. and i can control myself half the time of her screaming i visioned myself getting out of the car when i arrived here.. were i live not really a home yet, but maybe someday when i completly am comfortable with my dad. he doesnt put up with her shit either and no one should. i dont understand how her mind works. Shes cruel and knwos weakness, she goes for the week spots, nmy mom is a recovering depresent and trying to be whole once more, and my sister targeted that she was a crazy lady who went into a hospital for it not once but twice, how she scared jeff away ( a good friend she got recently close to they broke up she was torn) she still isnt over him, thats just to far. i want to pucnh her in the face i want her to have a good slap. so hard that blood would ooze from her oily pours. i wont talk to her in school like shes my sister i will talk to her like shes another student here, that i just dont really know. if she approches me i might be on the verge of strangling her but insted ill probally say somthing like fuck off. and continue walking. sounds cruel but shes bad for me i cant have that kind of energy. and half the car ride she used a fake accent like the hole thing was some bad theater show from the like.. i dont know ninteen whatevers. Like this isnt a game, maybe to her but she seriosly hurts my moms. and i am to now that i wont have contact with either one, but bonnie has told me i need to do whats best for myself i was to nice in my life to were people took advantage of me, no im not mean and im nice to anyone who deseves it regardless on there cool scale. and i cant stand looking at her without disgust its been like that since i was little, i just think shes gross, and i hate that when i try to help like.. chew with your mouth closed please she now only does it because she knwos it sickens me. and thats why i left, thats why i live her because even though im not fond of my dad, i cant stand that thing. i cant take it, everything turned into a sudden relief when i moved out. and when im with her i forgotton how rotton she is. and i just wanna punch the shit out of her. she thinks shes so much better then the rest of the world. anyways i wont talk to her so that she cant copy me. she can change and look as i do. but she cant have the same veiws because im not sharing them with her. 

i dont have a sister. 

 

im not a big politics fan, but i am ready for our country to change and borrak Obama promises change, lets hope he is a man of his word. the T.V is going crazy with who will win, its either Obama; democrate or mccain republican im voting obama but i dont really know enough about either one, but it cant be much worse then bush, over those years under bush our economy has declined alot. they are tallying votes now.

 

i saw sam today  went to his house, ahah on the way to his house he told me that his mom siad i had a nice boosm  .. (nice boobs) haha thats weird but good i guess. haha We were chilling and stuff and then we were talking about snow, so we then did  a snow dance it was really funny aha. we put our hands above our head so that it made a point, then we shook our booty, from side to side as we called apon the snow god, jumbiya, then we put our arms striaght our stretching from one side to another and connected so that we fit like a puzzel, the we siad snow snow snow until making a 360 then you shake your legs and say snow snow then you stop and say once more the snow gods name and clap. haha and.. then it should snow? i dont know it was fun. 

 i hate how, the person who announcess it first is automatically the one who say started it. like.. i have had a thing for photography for a long time, its just one of those things that have had my intrest, but kelsey is known for her photography simply because she announces it. If i were to though i would be called a copy cat and its not that im like omg i cant like taking pictures anymore, no no. the main part of being an individual is sticking with what you like regardless of others. its just i dont announce, not at this ppoint in life because well i dont want to be "mini kelsey" but i still will take pictures i just dont need the attention of it. then like Oriental stuff is some weird thing going around will all the emo's goths ect, when i have had intrest in cultures including oriental things since i was like 5, because my aunt bonnie got me into alot of it, i have childhood presents of all sorts of that stuff. ugh i dont know where this going OMG BUT THIS THING ABOUT VITTORIA IS BOTHING ME SO MUCH. 

 

ok ok vittoria well said a long time ago well i guess in 9th grade that i was coping her, Her style and stuff and first of all i do not copy maybe i was influenced, sure but shes the one whos all buy this buy that. anyways she was also mad because apperantly it looks better on me? well thats what hunter said. vittoria is the most unoriginal person i know but she is the person i know who thinks there Very unique, she simply feeds off the ideas of others, and follows her stareottype. and now she goes around and throws peace signs at everything, wtf Rin did that all last year. and she knows it cause we siad somthign about it once, its just annoying how everyone thinks shes so original when she really has nothing about her that is. so you can dye your hair 4 colors or somthing, look around honey half the school did that. and many before you. 

and im not the most unique, but i dont try and im not like omg im an individual i think i am because i dont change for people, i might change on new ideas, if i like them better, but i dont stop liking somthing because the whole world does too, and i dont do things to make me diffrent i do them based off myself. 

 i got to see sam for two hours on saturday i think both my parents think im having sex >.< im not but it has crossed my mind, i dont know i see why they dont trust me. i mean i snuck around all summer, im a teenager with a boyfriend haha but i dont know im not stupid. then sunday for that divorce class we went go carting, it was actually fun. i hadn't been before then, they weren't that fast though. its early . haha anywyas i was thinking and i want to make sure i get out my opinions and veiws now, as im this age so i can watch them grow and change, i dont just want a journal about sex, drugs, and what i wear it should be past that.   Im going to start with maybe some dreams i have for my future. 

i'd like to get an art scholarship to VCU, and attend there were i can study arts, and maybe get a degree in teaching? i might want to be an art teacher, its simple and i would get the summers off, pay isnt that good but im sure its good enough for a small apartment. maybe i will design stuff... maybe ill  just make stuff for me eh who knows. also if im a teacher, i will constantly be meeting new kids, some will be annoying and only taking my class because they think its easy, but there will be some kids with talent and i could help them extend their talents =D and i could also have friends, my co-workers. haah ok i guess i sound a little silly. other then that im just taking this one day at a time, i started two other bigs since i fnished the last im on the second book of this series called a house of night novel . im moving slowly on the second one, i have alot  going on. if i start studying for my learners i can get it. driving is scary, people get killed, but i will just have to make sure im doing what im sopposed to so ill be fine. i will improve this year

 hmm i kinda hate note having this like written, but writting is so much more of a hassle, like with writting i think you get more feeling and stuff, but with typing you get more details. so yesterday was fun, and halloween :) we actually went trick or treating, haha and were in 10th grade. there were alot of people at sams party, it was fun. i was really tired though, i think it was a little to crazy for sam, people are like.. really distructive it bothered me how they just didnt care about his grandmas house, i was excited to see hunter P, but .. he wasnt being cool, like he was being one of the more distructive people there.. and like yelling and stuff i mean his parents could probally here everything, and people were saying you know pervy jokes, and letting out curse words like crazy. I think it was just rude, sam was to busy trying to get people.. hunter and his friends to stop.. taking the eggs out of the refrigerater? how could  they dp that i uderstand one but they took a lot, i mean thats not right those arnt theres and someone had to pay for that, and not just so they could throw them at someones house. maybe i sound liek a party pooper, but it wasnt cool. and they already bought food, snacks for the party god hunter poured drink in the chip dip? thats disrespectful. overal it was fun though, regardless of the mess makers. i was fantasising about sam and me wondering off into a shadow, left from the moon, and having him take me off my feet, and you know get it on. haha but i wouldnt really because thats whoreish, haha and i wouldnt risk having his parentals find us. talk about oquward. then me and alison went to torias, i kinda felt like a third wheel, however i was to tired to really care. we didnt do much though, we were all pretty much on the floor, haha. im going to regret this, but i kinda want to do pot or somthing just to get high, i think its just somthing you should try atleast once, i am in high school. and in high school you experiment, not saying i wanna go and do all the drugs and get drunk and all that, but i dont know, yeah i can entertain myself without drugs and im proud of being able to stand by that, so i dont think i will do anything. I just think about it somtimes, and wonder about it. and without the drugs, im not exactly clean, like i have been completly naked with sam. no sex. but we have both seen all there is to see. jeeze. i dont think doing that stuff is bad, but sex might feel good, but the hole thing of getting pregnant just wouldnt be worth the risk. vittoria and omar have had sex. like 4 times? maybe more i dont know. but if she  gets pregnat she wont have trust with her family, not to mention she will have a child at like 16. not somthing you want.  wich some how reminds me.

. i hate fakes more then anything, i hate cheaters and liarss, if your lieing then your individual self, doesnt really exsist if you make one up. your simply another charicter might as well hop in a book. because in reality, you just dont exist, unless your honest with yourself. thatss what i think anyways. 

haha. so anyways my wrist area is broken and i got my hard caste whatever, no surprise. my feet smell bad. Ok so regardless of teh caste. today was indeed the day that the mercy mercedes show was, so woot. it was alot of fun, the line up was pretty good, they were all like amazingly adorable, i think i might have favorite (new) personality wise. haha well im not sure how much detail i can give, it was great i talked to the girl who came to the last show i attended at the canal club, were friends i guess she always comes alone, well with her mom and she hangs with us, she take pictures like kelsey, Kelsey didnt like her haha . the place was totally empty i kinda felt bad for the preformers i mean there not like super famous, but that doesnt mean that maybe they wernt atleast expecting a good sized crowed, hell i expected a better crowed. most of the time there was like 4 people standin and bein fun, then people sat. so they liked us cause we were active. :) they signed my arm haha, and i got a new CD its all oi could afford. typing is hard so my impatience will let me go to sleep,  (oh the line up was, A SUFFACATING SIGNAL, go crash audio, the band that was super nice, i got their CD. um A ROCKET TO THE MOOn, MERCY MERCEDES =DDD yet another great preformance, um a band called emergencey, yep new to me they were good ansdnice ill check em out. :)  umm and A  cursive memory they were headlining. 

, well just when i thought i was going to get to go back  out there and play the rest of the season for soccer, im stuck here typing one handed. allow me to start at the beguining. well yesterday being friday the last weekend before halloween, me hunter, vittoria, and omar decided to go to KD. so Vittoria's mom picked up me vittoria and omar to go to vittorias where hunter would pick us up in a couple of hours. (i hate typing with one hand being used to two) i actually thought that they wouldnt ditch me to whore over each other, directly in my veiw, we started the night right infront of the Xbox, mmhm Halo it was omar was winning, but only be like 2 kills me and vittoria were about tied. then...her dad went upstairs and they fell into a major makeout session, taking them to the floor. Oh baby. Leaving her so called friend, yet agian to do nothing. I mean im cool that their both horney as shit. but i Hate how they do shit so open. i hate how they leave me to do ,, what? nothing. they can do stuff when their alone, not  infront of their friends thats sick. Like the last time that happened i went to sleep, and she even let him give her oral right there ew what if i woke up? or her parentals came down stairs and im asleep they already dont like me, and that would look bad for her and me. then later that day ( i slept over her house) she was all hey sorry we didnt do much today i was gonna but you fell asleep, WELL WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I DID THAT ? not because i was tired, because you neglected me so you could do shit with omar. its like im just their so that her parents will let them be alone down there. dont invite me over, if its not me you want to do stuff with. and why dont i say somthing?  because they put me in a weird position, somtimes they ask if i want to do stuff just to tell them *starts kissing* ... its like i dont know what i want to do, but i want you to want to. they would rather do that and like, i dont waan pull them away, even though its gross. I wont even like kiss sam more then a little peck thing at school, sorry making out in the hall doesnt appeal to me, ANYWAYs back to friday when hunter finally got here i was more then relieved. we made our way to KD and took on the first maze, wich is soposed to be scary,  Hehe i got to see my friend rose shes pretty, and costumizes most of her clothing. she looked hot in all her make up she had a little nurses outfit on (she worked in the maze) then we headed for the newest ride there, also to meet up with this girl named sarah, and this other named bri. after that our friends that we met with wanted to go to the maze we were just at soo, we went on the mini Eiffle tower, it was fun its like 300 feet or somthing? then we went back down to wait, i tackled vittoria in the grass just to see if i could, ofcorse i told her i was we got up, and then omar and hunter tackled us, hunter was being a zombi and ofcorse hes a little rough, and i feel on my wrist hurt pretty bad and i instatly new it was sprained/fractured, because i know the feeling. I stayed the hole night though, cradling my arm wich hurt really bad, i didnt ride anything after that except the avalanche because its an easy ride but its like a couples ride... and i rode with hunter it wasnt weird like i thought it would be haha just fun. we went in the clown maze too, that one had like no clowns in it? it was stupid. but then we went into clublood last time there were like no scary people, this time they swarmed and i was in the back, it actually scared me a little. haha. anyways my hand hurts from typing so hgv, we got home and crashed then in morning i called up my dad to come get me we went to the ER and i got the temporary caste until monday were ill probally get a perminate one. soo no more soccer for me,

;well talk about a pointless practice. we only practiced for thirty minuetes it takes longer then that to get there. Its getting cold. shoot so were making tea pots, and im completly confused on what im doing, im bursting with jumbled ideas, but its choising and organizing them thats hard. i could do a spooky theme, using dark shades and colors, or i could do a warm colored thing, or i could do somthing funky a little retro. Or i could just make it take the form of somthing else, ugh i dont know. i forgot what else i really wanted to write about, i have a goal of running often maybe everyday or somthing, i dont know really i want to get in shape, well chellenge myself im competitive and it bothers me alot that im like 4th for running the mile out of all the girls. We have a really athletic class, usually i finish first, so it makes me want to do better, and i think ill shoot for it.

So it is indeed monday and as far as weekend activities goes, it was pretty lame, but i had fun it strated with me sleeping over kelseys we discovered how to use this video edit thing, without photobucket wich means we can start making videos edit them and have them on youtube. haha it was fun, heres an example of us exploring the effects.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdzoWqcBH40 thats the link to follow.

then we ended up staying awake till like 5:30 in the morning, then i had to get up at 7:30 for my soccer game, and finally i could play as normal agian, i could breath it felt so good to not just feel sucky because i thought it was just me, but it really was the fact that i couldnt breath. we won 4-0 without any subs. we did good. then i went back with my mom and played jessicas game cube haha omg and my mom siad i could have the nintendo 64, cause no one plays it! so YAY then the next day we chilled and then i went to the divorice recovery with mom my/sister its so much fun the seperate the teens and we were in a room first thing we did was eat ! haha we had tocos, and the lady had special vegitarian toco meat (soy) it was really good. then we talked about anger, and it really wasnt that bad, it was fun then we ate some more and went into the church like for the desert. then we all just talked and it was alot of fun, its an intresting group of people and i like to meet new people! there are 4 other sisters and there kinda big and black, they are wild, and there for a good time, then theres a small kid who looks like hes 10 in 9th grade he talks alot, and he knows alot of stuff, hes into like reptiles and frogs ALOT. then theres this boy names chris, hes nice too he has a southern accent he has a brother who is into soccer so thats cool, then there was another set of brothers but they were more quiet. and another black girl who was real outgoing, thats all i can remeber for now. 

anyways i have to go, i have soccer practice in a little. 

 and guess what was in my dream, yet another spider however this dream was much more active, much more jumpy then most dreams all i know is that it was me and someone else, and we all went to this party, and it was a fancy party with fancy cakes, and i kept almost ruining them, i was sad and cried cause i couldnt do anything right. the khal come out of know where and starts lectureing me (pep talk type thing ) and he was taking a class at the time it was a singing class so he was singing, and it was funny. then there was somthing about painting the couches? so i started, im not sure but somwhere in the beguining of the dream more events happened and i cant remeber now that i have waited all day to write about it, but one thing was a spider attack, it was huge OH ok i just remebered the dream started and i had to stay the night at my moms house, and in the morning i had nothing to wear since everything was at my dads, however it was the first day of school so kelsey came over with me to my dads, and this was all in the morning, we decided and just then a hige purple and yellow spider got to us, kelsey wasnt as afraid of it as me, somthing made me terrified of it, it was just a spider, but i think that i saw it as somthing else, because it was just a spider. anyways after that we made out way to school but i wasnt dressed yet, i was going to dress at school?  i dont know we got there and passed down the hall i dont remeber where it was we went but there was somthing inbetween were we started and our destination. i met up with most of my friends, i don tknow if i ended up dressing or not. and then thats where it brought us to the fancy party actually it was a "class" and yep.. so then from the couch after we painted it,  by the time i was functional most of the yummy cake was gone, and i was sad haha. 

now lets talk about what i actually did today! hehe . just the usual then i hung out with sam.. and that was fun, hehe i gave him a hand job in his room, and he wanted to explode since he hadnt gotton too like at all, and yeah soo he got a towel haha it didnt take very long this time. it was quick and kinda freeky i forgot how penis's pulse fjbgsb its sick haha i hate pulsing ickk. he siad that it was the best orgasm he ever had. lol. he .. returned the favor a little but not as much as i wanted, not enough that was before the explosion it was like.. i felt sam he felt me i felt sam. haha 

so i finally finished my dinosaur box in crafts yay! tommarow i hope we get to paint out first clay projects of just making a simple box/ cylinder. i hope, i want to paint really bad after only doing stuff with clay it really makes me crave, painting and like a fine art feel.