these are the best days of our lives

Fisrt sam came over in the morning, since it was a monday and we had no school my dad wasn't home hehe. That was pretty Fun (= We did the normal stuff and what not, but im on my period. so >:O erm and i feel ocward for saying this. but i mean i'd like to give sam a bj >.> but im nervous, since i have never given him one. Or anyone else at that. i wouldn'[t want to disapoint. i mean my mouth isnt that big.  Besides i know he wants me to :P i had some opertunities too. but kk wtvr.. 

Yesterday was alot of fun, Going to Maymont Park and all. there wasn't enough room in th car, but we still managed to squeeze in all together. Richard's mom drove, and came with us. So it was richard, rose, sam, Kory, alex, and michelle. A different michelle. not myself. haha Michelle is in my craft class and i met her last year in my art class. she was one of the older class-man like richard who came over and sat at our table in the middle of the year last year so i felt cool tehe. She's nice. were friends.

 We played tag in the bamboo forest and Richard's mom met a creepy old man, haha but we think richard scared him away.  Anyways we didnt really get to stay that long maybe about 2 hours? I never got tagged in the bamboo forest, i slid once but i was ready for it so it was alright. and no one else got hurt so thats good.  

Alex seemed kind of bum agian and me and rose were talking in skate land, about it we think it was because Kory was leaving him to go talk to Richard we think Kory likes him, and thats an issue because Kory and Alex sorta have that thing going on. So on the way home Richard's mom said some thing  like that and me and Rose were just like YES thats what we were thinking. Richard says that he likes her a little, but no way does he want to go out with her. He doesn't want a relationship. It's high school.

Anyways, so we took Alex to his house, well richard's mom did, and then Kory left with him because she lives to far to have her be taken home. and then we went to Ci Ci's Pizza. It was fun. Then we went home and sam stayed at my house for like 2 hours? I didn't Feel like playing video games or anything, i hope he wasn't bored. but i had fun, just walking in circles, of my room. Then i went to my moms house after he left, to go to school. i was going to talk to vittoria about (secret stuff.)  And then she was either going to ride the bus home with me, or going to get picked up with me by my dad and we were going to go to the mall. I want that sparkly blue dress i saw for like 6 dollars. i want to try it on it was to nice, to ignore and i want to actually get sam something for his birthday i already no one little thing im getting him. I already have it but its simple. i want to make him some thing. but i cant decide on anything and his real Birthday is today. but i wouldn't have to give it to him until his party on saturday. 

And as of today!! WE had no school. but i Kind of wanted to go to school i need to talk to Vittoria in person and i wanted to go to the mall. but The roads were two icy for busses. we might not have school tomarow. actually i just woke up. haha This weekend, im spending it with vittoria because both my parents are going out of town and im not aloud to stay by myself that long. (it makes sense) Im looking forword to it after all me and vittoria, arn;t the friends we used to be. But i dont know maybe were going to be friends like were were agian ? She's happy. Like Really happy. She liked this kid Zach agian i think she needs to lay off boys a while though. Because she is actually happy. like i dont know, she was always one to be kinda bleh life. but shes. good now. and thats Good. when we hang otu this weekend were gonna be aliens, we used to have lil make up parties and be stuff al the time. and i miss that. besides im craving a good dress up.  

 Oh, besides Exams i cant really remember what i did after school, every other day i had one acts ofcorse kind of pisses me off people still dont know there damn lines. How long has it been ? too Long. thats what. my charichters kind of a snob, Like wants to do and be everything. and she is. She is involved in practically everything one kid can be in, and she wants a boyfriend. haha im not excited about doing one acts at all, because ours is crap. CRAP. maybe it will be cut?? our main director isnt there anymore, maybe hes having a busy time, who knows? who cares? and to top it off. we are missing a Jessica, one of the  roles. theres only two weeks and they want to double cast i woudnt have minded. but i dont want to i think i know my lines, better then half the cast but worring about a whole nother role is to hard, considering theres only a little time to memorize, it and do it well. So no thanks. 

Then on monday and friday we had Talent show practice. im nervous about doing it infront of people. i have issues with this. same with one acts. but im not going to think about it. My friends like me enough to not care. and the ones that think im a freek well. who wants there opinion anyways right ? ?  i think monday i went to the mall with richard, it was pretty fun that was the second time. Rose was with us now, but his mom wouldnt take rose because she liek really hates rose. =/ kinda sad. Richard did DDR he's like crazy good. and it was funny cause every chance he got he's slut dance on it. and it was silly, but there wernt many people, it would have been better if there was, so they could see him slut dance too. We went around from store to store, we went in this one store, that was like major black people store. And there was a sale rack with this super pretty blue dress on it. like a pretty dress, and it was about my size from the way it looked it was 6 dollars. 5.99 maybe i can go back ? i want to. I want to try it on. it was to pretty, to not get for like 6 bucks, thats a super good deal. i could wear it for home coming or somthing or maybe even prom. ? and just to wear. i heart dresses 

Friday We went to good will. (= woo i found a cool blue scarf thing, it has dangly beads on it and i like it alot. it suits me. then i got a skirt thats black with pink accent for the talent show were working on what were wearing. were all based with black, with hints of whatever glowstick we have. my glow sticks Red. and on my feet orange but im accenting with pink, because that was easy to find. Rose is green and yellow, richard is blue and green i think ? maybe, and alex is purple and white. we did that based on order because at one part we line up, and make kind of a wave? and were lined up based on a rainbow. :) Oh yes and then i went to kelseys to sleep over, its been a while haha all we did really as create our youtube account and then watch videos of Goats eating stuff, we found it to be way funnnier then it should have been . haha then we sent that video to EVERYONE even fameous-ish people. we talked to them a while too and were retarded. and then we watched this really funny movie on fear net like it was actually funny. like hot rod, gone bad.  yes, exactly 

Saturday we had practice a little and then we went ice skating (richard rose and alex and Kory) it was fun. i got a blister on my foot =( and i actually fell once, but it was to avoid running over Kory after she fell, so it didnt hurt all that bad cause i slid more then Fell. We ate after skating a little. Alex was kinda sad the whole time. i think it was because he was having trouble skating. But when we went to eat we got a big pizza to share, and a big pitcher of sprite. When we finished richard did make up on us. haha, they liked mine lots cause they siad thats how i was.. like my personality? jhaha it was like red spiral coming from my eyes, and then some more red on my lips, and then the red on my eyelids. the red on my eyelids made my eyes look bigger/brightert.  i liked it. Korys was ok. She had like White blue under her eyes, and some weird whale looking things on her jaw, and a gem on her for head. Rose was a kitty and alex was just kreepy, and Richards was cool too. We skated more, and then for the last 20 minuetes the Cleaned the ice. it was AMAZING. and smooth.  

then today! we practiced and then went into pillow WAR at first it was like a single thing, but then i started kkinda buddy-buddy with rose. so we partnered up, turned into boys vs. Girls Kory wasnt there today im kinda glad. The Game was, trying to get all the pillows we were winner for a long time, but then alex discovered how to hold rose down, im smaller so i could slide out of his leg grip. yes i know sounds wrong, but it doesnt matter because we dont think like that haha, not into eachother. Anyways Alex did have me liek pined down one time, where i was stuck and i made him laugh cause i was like in panic so he laughed and then i got away :) tehe . they hid the pillows there and i couldnt find them. My and richard had a few battles too! i got them sometimes but i couldnt find a good hiding spot. or i wouldn be cornered and there was nothing i could do!!

So besides that, crazy events went down this week. Vittoria was going to break up with omar like tuesday and it was a secret that only me and hunter new, but i told richard cause.. it was going to not be a secret by the next day and i figured he wouldnt leave me alone, but i held off for a good time.  But the next day i found out, that Omar dumped vittoria cause they had an argument that night! i thought he would be crazy depressed, i think he was a little sad, but it wasnt anything like i expected.

Rin also Over the week gave me some of this stretchy string i have been looking for, i can fix Sam's bracelet  now, but it was the string that i wanted to re-string my star necalace. i have missed it greatly, i used to wear it everyday last year but it got so stretched out, that i didn't want to cause it might break, but i fixed it again :) and i can wear it!  

Vittoria also sent me the Sweeny Todd sound track and i got a few other songs on my own too :) 

Tomarrow i plan to go to The park with richard and Rose, possibly alex and kory but alex has a doctors apointment, so he doesnt know, and Kory is only going if he is, and then i asked if the mind if i brought sam along, cause we were already going to hang tommarow and they didnt mind so sams going to come along too (=

I want my pink pants to wear cause its going to be cold. unfortunatly. However my mom has them at her house, so im trying to get hold of her to see if she can bring them over now or in the mornign before she goes to work. I think im done finally. :)  

Oh also to our rutine we changed the ending, cause Rose couldnt get Jumpstyle. now me and Rose use unbrellas with glow  sticks on them, its a great idea, and looks really cool :) 

so last week was exam week. I think i did overall alright on all of them except math, that ones iffy. i never know with math, somtimes i'll think i did pretty good and i get it back and its like.. O.O oh shit. haha so i dont really know. my art exam was just us putting each step for ceramics in order. The only thing with that was if we missed one we missed all the ones after there was only one answer i wasnt sure about. But Hanky siad she would figure it out so that it didnt grade like that.  I know for sure i scored like super well on the Theater Exam because we went over all the hard ones and i was getting them all right. In ecology i got an  89 so thats alright i guess. 

Ahh well im going out to eat in like five minuetes so ill have to continue this blog. 

bumbada to be continued. 

Is sweet. ahah and somtimes his cat will run over to me when i get home and it comes inside with me today when i went upstairs, it layed on my bed and took a nap and as soon as i left he followed closly behind me while i went down stairs. His cat comes over somtimes, they say their cats mean but i think its because their mean back, he is most loving and gentle too if you play with him with your own hand, you deffinitly wont lose any fingers.

so i just thought i would post abotu my neighbors friendly cat that comes to visit me. Hes always outside. haha  

so i woke up to sam callin me, as planned. and my dad hadnt left yet, i wanted to go back to sleep so i half way did cause my dad took forever to you know leave and what not, sam said i wasnt aloud to go to sleep ! but i did anyways xDDD but only kinda  tehe then he finally left gone. so i called back to sam and before i could shower he came over! so i was like wtvr. kk . then we did you know *stuff* from here to there. quite fun uh huh. 

then we went in to the woods! OH BOY! haha no then we smoked, that was my first time. 

then jayson came over and we played video games it was alot of fun its been a while since i have played with like 2 other people. :)

Today: was rather eventful this morning i was walking and unconsiously looked at richard looking at me but turned around noticing i passed the libary then richard ends up next to me like "you looked at me and turned around" haha it was funny, i didnt mean to. anyways i got another book to read. Then i confronted Hunter, oh yes i did.   and so i started with an inocent question 

"so are you coming to practice today" i even added a small mirk of if you arn't i might be pissed off at you. you  must remeber he didnt show at all last week. His reply was the usual. 

"no i am busy i just have to much stuff to do i dont see how i could make it" yeah ok. it was somthing like that, but yeah lame. he had all last week off and all this week is a half week so i siad 

" ok. well i mean this week is all half days.. so you cant do stuff then ?" and he just kinda had a blank expression of no no i cant. so i siad agian 

"so what does  this mean ? " and he siad " i don't know" shaking his head but he did know he did , he just didnt want to say it to our face,i if i didn't confront him we still wouldn't have this definite answer. He still didnt say the words of im out. but he siad you should find a replacement for me because i dont know if i can do it. ASS HOLE sorry but theres a freeking week we had this down so perfectly. we were going to try to remake it with three people but its just not as good so we called rose up. and Shes going to do it. i trust rose im comfortable with Rose im happy with Rose. so were good i hope now she has to learn the steps this week, and we have to get it perfect we also had to make a few ajustments. -.- lets hope it works

i think there going to break up soon, because vittoria and me were talking and  thats what the conversation went to. she siad she was talking to him and she told him that she doesnt want to do anything physical anymore. will that last? i dont know but she doesnt even want to kiss. and she doesnt know why but she really does, maybe just didnt want to even think about why. but she did and she siad she wasnt sure if she wanted to be with him anymore. He gets so sad and angry. She owuld be sad too, but also i think there going to break up because she has admitted to hidding in her hobbies (video games/anime) and thats so she doesnt have to confront whats really going on. thats what we both did in the endin points of our last relationships. its obvious, but kinda sad. i knew it would happen its high school, people get together and break up. its what we do. and yes me and sam are a couple in high school.  So eventually we probally will as sad as that is. but i dont know. 

When i move out. i want my own apartment. and i want to paint the walls whatever color i want them too be. it will be my lil home and i will decorate it all up. it makes me happy to think about that. its exciting. 

 yeah. ok so im going to spill my opinions to you. but im telling you so you can go tell somone else. 

Hunter and me got real close agian but once his school work started pileing up on him, he lost it and ditched practice yet it only bothered me because he could have spred out his work, one day he even hung with vittoria we had no practice on monday/tuesday and he didnt come to any this week, from and excuse about whatever, whenever. its just he made a commitment and if he didnt realize what it was, he shouldnt have done it. because were all feeling unsure about him now, we even have chanegd/added steps and he needs to try them out, he might not have gotton any say in the changes but if your not here, then to bad. He better not just drop the thing, because we dont know what he's doing it feels liek hes annoyed with us constantly asking him if hes coming but, were annoyed with him too. We have to know theese things, so he shouldnt get an aditude with any of us, its just a question. i would have talked to him today online, because he was on but i kinda did a mini bitch at him. You see vittoria and me hung out last night, we mainly played halo it was pretty fun. I was wondering why she didnt have the twins over. and then later when we were just conversating, she siad i didnt know you didnt like the twins. .. and i siad "what ? who told you that" and she told me about how she talked to hunter and i told hunter how i wasnt sure about them but they were growing on me. i got bad vibes from them but it just felt like they only liked us because of our place at school. but im fine with them and there growing on me. so it was just annoying. if there going to talk about somthing you say, then they need to understand exactly what your talking about. im always being misinterpeted this has happened before but it pisses me off, so i told that to vittoria (the i dont hate them stuff* and when i saw hunter was online i asked why he told  her that and it was simply because it came into the conversation or somthing? and then i kinda bitched and was like. . well i dont tell you stuff so you can tell people. and he was just kinda like allright. and that was it but it was a very smug alright. so whatever. im annoyed with hunter. he needs to figure what hes doing with the talent show. and he needs to figure it out now. 

two nights ago, i had a dream, i remebered the whole thing i believe.

SO vittoria had this party actually i had this dream before, maybe not the fact that it was vittorias party but anyways her house, which didnt really look anything like her house was filled with water, and we all swam naked. i felt uncomfortable even in my dream yet i never put on my clothes. then we played hide in seek in the water, yes every ones naked.  so it was fun going here to there, looking somwhere. Then i ended up in a room with omar, and it was like hey omar, and hes like hey and that was pretty much it ahah. 

Then i found myself walking home alone at night, i never do that though. an old man was infront of me maybe 30's and he tried to rape me i managed to get away but that only got me to another boy my age at first i felt relieved but his expression wasnt one i wanted to run into. he too tried to rape me =( they teamed up and had me down but somehow i got away. the adrenalin had me at my house before i new where i was going, and when i opened the door my friends where there, that was a very good feeling so i cuddled up with one of them and we all watched movies and went to sleeep. and by going to sleep in my dream i woke up. 

so. ofcorse 6:30 in the morning came far to soon and i wanted to stay nice and comforted within my sheets. but i couldnt so i got ready and i wore the shirt that sam likes, he thinks its soft.  Sam picked me up and then we went to school . duh and then we got there, and vittoria wasn't there, but then we found out she had to ride the bus because her mom was sick and couldn't drive her to school. me and richard went to see if we could practice one mornign on the stage, but when we got to Mr. Prince we chickend out. haha cause Mr. Prince is very intemidating. Anyways then i walked with sam until we parted to our first periods. mine was very loud. and retarded as usually. since im not in an advanced class thats what you get. i don't know how the class has like D's and stuff we dont really do anything. next year im deffinitly taking advanced english, its not that i couldnt this year but since my freshman year was so sucky i thought it was so hard, but it was just because of everythign around me, and somthing had to crash with it.  anyways allison wasnt at school, so i didnt attend our walk to second period, art was fun we started embrodery and i like it alot, i know im going to hate it by then end of this unit. it takes along time and were gonna do alot. and then there was math, atleast sam is there and we sit next to eachother. somtimes we draw pictures to each other, and like today we laughed alot, i was afraid mr. Obrion was going to like be all STOP PLAYING haha cause he siad that once, and i dont want my seat to get moved, i'd be sad. Shelby sits on the other side of me, see theres three of us at one table. Shelby wasnt there today, i think we might have a lil sleepover soon. it sounds fun. Fourth block was pretty good, like theres this girl clair, and were not exactly friends but she was in my math class last year, were really diffrent but i mean we work together on most the stuff then theres this girl from china, her english isn't great so i always help her too. and today was pretty good like we just did this easy project thing,w ere we needed 5 diffrent biome things, and its easy. 

Then We had one act practice i like one act practice, but i hate being in the one im in. its like the kids that either tried out last, or just suck. haha like we have a big cast too. and i think we should have been off script but finally we are by next time. im ready well i can if i do it infront of like one person but i don't know about more then a few. it makes it diffrent. whatever. were gonna do a shit job cause we get off tast and .. mea and rose are sick of it because personally i dont want to look like an idiot. 

then i went to sams house after words i only got to stay for like 2 hours, it was fun. hehe i missed his turtles and sam of corse,  we watched a movie, we were going to watch pineapple express, but then we watched somthign else,  im not sure what the plot was like it was the slowest movie ever. haha but thats ok cause i was with sam! right before we left we were on his bed, on our knee's like hugging-ish more like kissing cause we were about to leave. and i was quite turned on cause i could feel him poking me and our waist hit at the same area. so that was hot. haha and then he walked me home, and i talked to him on the phoen as he walked back cause he has to walk back alone. Im too chicken to walk alone, way to many rape videos in health class. haha .

 We went to the grocery store, i love fruit., vegitables.  their yummy. i got grape fruit, celery, black berries, cucumber for my sushi. and comes to find out celery and peminto cheese together is quite good. it sounds discusting, believe me in know, but my dad brought me some and i took a leap and tried one, and it was delicous! i also got some more rice. today was a very busy day. well lets start witth waking up at like 11. then i went to Alexanders house around 1. i was late everyone else was there haha i had to stop by ben franklin to get an embrodery hoop for crafts, since the A holes closed the doors in our face 5 minuetes early, oh i know. total butt holes. i wanted to shove the time in there face and complain more.. but we behaved. i mean i only need one thing. ONE THING. sheesh . SO i got there we practiced. and practiced. and we got it down i'd say we filled in the blanks and its smooth. we changed the end and how were entering. the end is harder for me. like.. *dies* haha but im fine i can do it. i guess i feel special =DD 

Hunter is on the edge of his breakign point. He's deffinitly coming off as very very stressed, he has way to much going on, like schoolw ork and then the exrtras. but this was a commitment. and he new what he was getting into, we told him. if he thinks its to much this year, then how is he going to do with skiiping a year of school and doubling up on work next year. im sorry i think its stupid, you should rush out of high school, its four years that you never get back . only four. 

After that i had soccer game two . we lost big time. but i didnt care haha its frustrating somtimes. whatever. i liek it for stayign in shape. i like, havign practice for talent show, to its a goood work out, and i liek feeling that pain, to tell me its working. its like yay!!!! im loosing fat, but im getting heavier. 

today richard, somehow got to the conversation were he was telling me i had big boobs, but i nice body . haha hes told me that before it makes me all like eehhh stop it cause its weird and uncomfprtable because when one persons like you have nice boobs then the other people look to see, and its like EEP ew dont do that! FREEEKS. but im not gonna lie.. and say i dont liek being praised ofcorse im going to like hearing i have a nice body.. who wouldnt ? haha like one time, ann was in the hot tub at her party and i got in, with bathing suits obviously and i got up so i was all wet, and she was all woah your boobs are alot bigger then i though and you have a really nice body.. so i was just kinda like ehhh dont look!!! *sits back down* haha speaking of that day, i was turned on cause me and sam, kissed like over the hot tub like i was in it leaning towords him and he kissed me from outside it and it was really hot haha, i dont know why but i was all woooo! i guess cause i was in a bathign suit and in a hot tub, and then the way we had to be positioned to get to eachother. 

i dont want to end my blog like that.. but i guess i will. haha

This week, is taking forever to pass. maybe its all this anticipating thats going on right now. just the whole thing with the talent show and Kory not being able to do it, we talked to mr.prince and Kory cant do it unless were not judged and were just like a time filler basically but .. im sorry i want to compete. Im  compettitive and richard is too.. so we found our fourth person, were not sure weather we like him alot. He does kind of lie alot, but you know what we needed a person. and he can learn the stuff. He is very nice, he's just got the show offy liar thing going on, but other then that he can be very sweet, so i like him as a hole, i guess people like that are too shy, or they dont think if they dont have all theese cool stories people wont like them, they wont be inpressed, like a self esteeme thing you know?  Then the singing infront of the class in theater. i wish we could do it with the song just be louder.. cause its going to be like DEAD silent and then you singing.. i dont even wanna sing infront of sam.. and im more comfortable around him then anyone.  and its worse because im loosing my voice. it better behave when im presenting. ill be quite upset.  I dont knwo what to get sam for his birthday, i want somthing special cause well.. its his birthday and i love him haha i got him a CD last year of afroman i think? xDDD not that thats like special just saying. hmm. i know ima let him sleep over well its up to my mom.. but its his birthday ! and we can have a lil parteh! tommaorow were taking a day off from practice, im going to sams, and richard will see his dad. hunter wants sleep lol. I think we still need Kory shes the audience perspective and can help us, be together, give position advice and all that.. like the director! choreographr! somthing along those lines. 

 ahah. I love being active. Yes the talent show is indeed for losers, who actually Do not have talent, but thats what's so great. We are sending alot of time on it, but i like it. i like being involved, i want this point made and clear, i only have high school once. We are high schoolers, we expirement, we act stupid, and a selective few, do what they can while there here. I want to do what i can while im here since were here once, and thats it. Im happy that i could realize how quickly it passes before it did.I completly ruined my freshman year, i dont even like thinking about it, there were too many issues effecting me, and i let them, but everything is ok now, anyways Like richard my friend who is a Senior, wish he had too. so he is doing the talent show with us too, however we have hit a curve in our path, you see hunters friend Kory (who was also in my 1st grade class from hell) joined in one day, being as shane the other memeber who was number four decided he was too cool for it, but when Kory joined in, it was perfect and she fit. With no bad vibes, with absolutly nothing wrong.. well almost nothing, heres the issue, she doesnt go to Lee Davis we asked mr.prince He's My theater teacher, very intimidating, he can be totally cool, until his anger problems scream out. anyways he siad that people from other schools cant, but there was somthing about bands playing and say a member was from the other school can i didnt quite get to explain the issue either, he interupted me. butt hole. So tommarow im going to ask abotu othe band thing, and if thats so i will defend my case because we are a group and she is the only one who can do it , theres no diffrence in a band and our group except they are musicians, and ours is more dancing, but it stilll requires a certain skill. 

anyways speaking of acting stuff, one act practice is fun and im lookign forword to it, i was kinda freeking but im excited. Although, it bothers me that we arnt off sript we had plenty of time over break, even i did, and i'm pretty sure people couldnt have been more busy than myself, and i still memorized it. and we all have the basic same lengthed part. We dont have that many practices though and thats scary, we have the biggest cast and only one director.. were sopposed to have to, the other director keeps saying she will show, but she never does i think we should say so much for her, and get someone else, who is reliable for the job. and ours is long we didnt even get through the hole thing. wich is why i think the sooner we know the lines.. the better. 

im seriously getting buffer from soccer, and dancing combined haha i can feel it. it BURNS ! haha but i did have a 4 pack once.. i think it would be nice to get it back, and im feeling it in my stomach too so thats fun. haha yay for pain killers. 

wow. to a long year, with wonderful friendships. new years came quicker then anyone had realized, like all the holidays do. vittoria hasnt even gotten her christmas present. but lets get to the main topic of this. like i was saying new years came very quickly, i was trying to hold off before seeing sam it was very hard, i had missed him so much that it actually hurt, and calling him made it worse, but we couldnt wait and we had no plans so we hung out the day before new years. watched a retardo movie about some cube thing were people died, one women figured it out and survived, but the people were waiting for her, and she new to much so they took her life. it wasnt a very good movie and they have like a bunch a sequels.  

After i left at about 5. i didnt stay long, because i would see him the next day and thats when my mom got off work to pick me up. soo we got my sister and went to the grocery store, to prepare. I was havign sam come over and she was having her friend amanda come over. I liek amanda. shes silly. and she wears all black but she doesnt do it in a gross way its a bit more classy, like high hells, cheap jewlry. we bought some sparkling Cidar. i like that stuff its "divine" haha. and we got some chips, some cake cause were fat. and some other like party favors .. haha we got tiarrahs cuase they were a good deal. 

and then finally 8 p.m came, and we went to pick up sam and amanda. and then we were left home alone. 4 teenagers, two being in a relationship. haha not the brightest of ideas, but i sure wasnt going to complain. :) we started off by playing my sims kindgom simply because i left it one, and when we plopped on the couch thats where it led too. haha we did that for a little. and then i dont really remeber what we did next but i know amanada and jessica came downstairs, and broke the silence with the screeching, over the wii sing it game. and yes unfortunatly it had a little mic, just to help her "wonderful" voice carry into our heads, and put the to the verge of an explosion. sheesh and god knows how long that went on for, but clearly it was way to long. then some how me and same were locked in my room. it was a take over for sure. they tried tieing the door shut with .. the super stong hair peices. thats right hair peices. haha i-d-i-o-t-s . everytime they opened the door, we would do somthing silly just for the hell of it, no? haha i got my big cloud pillow wich by the way i miss very much i didnt bring it here with me to my dads. anyways i took it and placed it where my penis would be if i had  one, and got behind sam, bending over the bed, so that i have a clear shot at his "firm" lul booteh. eventually they really did leave, and we had a smallish make-outsession. and then we ended up back down stairs because we were going to bake the cake, or brownies or whatever the hell they were.  they turned out good though and by that time, it was new years! we all got our countdown skills used, and blew the noisy shit. and poppped confetti everywhere. and i gave  sam a little tiny kiss. and then we all had a silly string battle.  i got some in my hair that was siiickk.  i guess. im not sure what happened next.  OH ok so jessica and amanda left for a walk and we were on "cake" duty, OH BOY! haha it didnt take long, to realize that those to tards left the pans in the oven...so the oven was smoking and melting the cupcakes from becky. haha but they came back anyways because they couldnt get moe to stay away from them but they tried agian, and we tried to keep moe but we were busy putting icing on the brownies. very yummy brownies by the way . then the phoen rights and its jessica calling for us to bring the dog leash cause he ran with them, out of his lil zone. it was freezing. sam asked if i wanted his jacket but then he would  have been cold. i wanted to run really bad, it would have been so much faster, and warmer.. and i enjoy running. i like to go fast, but sam didnt want to.. and i wanted to be with sam so i walked. we got there, in a short time, it was a short distance so i guess that makes sense. we dropped off the leash and got back and then we kind did nothing for  a little sam had to wipe his nose haha it was red from wipping so much, that happened to me once it hurts. poor sam haha. and while he did that i was watchign like the kreep i am. jessica and amanda got back, and then my mom was going to get back son so we didnt do anyhthing. i was sad that we didnt get to do stuff but  i had fun anyways.. besides even though my mom was home she totally was out when she crashed in her room. so we ... got to do stuff. we were on the couch, where it was nice and snuggly =) we stayed up till like 5 or so and then i was tired as much as i wanted to stay awake with sam, i wanted to sleep with him . 

so we went to my room and slept in my bed.  i wasnt sure how  my mom was going to feel about that, but it didnt matter because we were up before she, and i don't think she new. when we got upstairs, we snuggled comfortably in my bed, beneath  my new comfortor. i love it its white, so it looks the part of, delicate and soft, while being simple.  i like to sleep with sam, because i love him, so im obviously going to like being able to be with him even when im asleep. see but i have this delima about it. i like being in his arms, and i like being able to smell him (yes i am a kreep ) but i have like space issues, haha cause im like SPACE . but then im like NOO i wanna be close. i dont know how else i can explain it.  morning came, and we rose like i siad before my mom. and i was pretty tired, ahha i dont think sam wanted to get up but i didnt really want my mom to wake up and find me being snugly snugly. i went downstairs while sam rested and got a drink. i got back to sams pile of tissues haha it was cute xD . 

it wasnt long before we reconized, the boxes piled beside my bed. we had simple thought of building a box fortresss. my mom woke up somewhere in this. OH my sister woke her home, because she wanted to go shopping. which was quite rude, because my mother was sleeping after a good party, well she siad it was and im glad, its good my mom has found friends, even if they are the crazy christan people. i bet she will say that god has saved her but thats not true. its having friends. people to talk to, to go places with, to try new things. you know. its just somthing you need. regardless of what people say.  

my mom made us pancakes for breakfast, lamo sam didnt have any, but i like pancakes. after that our box adventure began i went to the garage to get this BOX of like tons of folded boxes. then we got to work and build the best kingdom known to man kind! ok.. that might be a little dramatic but it was the best kingdom, i had ever seen, and what was better is that it wasnt just mine, it was sams too. thats like two of my favorite things.. sam and boxes. it was great. we put a sheet over them so it was liek half ten/ half box fort. we put my comforter on the ground and decorated with some toilett paper! yes fancy, i agree. we laced it in pillows and there you go. oh and excuse me, im forgetting our own exsessories of being the owners of such an amazing kingdom. we had our new year crowns. and then added a few tattoos. ahah i got some for christmas? yes weird i know. but very entertaining, comical too. sam put one on his boobie. it was like a cirlce so it went around it haha it was funny, but it was even funnier when he showed my mom. he put a lil star on his face too, it was cute ^.^ i had a heart under my eye, and a sun that ringed around my belly button, it was gross and silly! but even with a royal mark, there was still somthing missing, KITTENS! next we voyaged around to retrieve the great kittys. we found them and put them in my room and they were trapped but i felt bad cause the big kitty was all mad from me carrying him.. so i let him leave but little kitty didnt really care.

after dropping our guests off, i went to vittoria's it was  pretty fun but somtimes hannging with vittoria is scary. She deffinitly is like her mom. and thats scary haha they yell alot, and frrek out over little things. its liek calm down .. its fine . we played halo live and jank. it was fun i kinda want live but at the same time i dont care. whatever. umm then after vittorias, her mom dropped me off because  she had to take angelina (vittoria's sister) to the dentist she was getting her wisdom teeth out.

when i got back to my moms. i was so tired. but then me and my sister went over to becks house, we played this game im not sure the name of it but its like using dominoes, but not. and you have to match them up on the board with whats there, but if you have somthing you would liek to play.. you can rearange the board to make it work. as long as it does. then we played dominoes. and a long game that is, i was getting soo so tired. but finally my mom came and we went home and i crashed quicker then, well ever before. 

then that brings me to yesterday, where i stayed up late with sam, i wanted to i like staying up with him infact i am now. i dont get to often because i like sleep, and i sleep alot. but it was fun i stayed up till like 6 and i would have stayed longer if i didnt have so much stuff planned for today, well i guess now since its 2 in the morning.. yesterday but eitherway i was busy. i wanted to clean and organize but there hasnt been any time for that. this weekend holds potential . anyways i went to hunters, to meet with richard and him so we can work somemore on the talent show, shane dropped out so now we need a replacement. thats annoying it wont be to hard, its good we found out before it was too late. it almost was. but we kept a spot for a 4th person because we thought shane was. we have most the routine, were workign on spesifics now. and it will be easier when the fourth person joins us. i dont know who it is yet. but we WILL get somone. 

but when i got home it left me 2 hours before my indoor soccer game it felt so weird to have a game at 10 p.m. thats just retarded damn lacross people tookover the feild durning the day.. like lacross is suddenly a pretty big sport the first year i played at that indoor place, there was like one match for it.. now there are so many we have to wait until 10 to play. thats cray we didnt do good we had a score of 1-7 but we were aginst a undefeated travel team.. and we play rec they were also like all 18. so whatever. not to menchan they practice through break we havent had practice since fall. but we werent playogn half, bad we had alot of shots and what not. and atlast i think you have caught up with me. 

school starts back up tommarow. i am not lookign foword for it at all.. its 2 in the morning and im getting up at six.. i was gonna stay up all night but i think i should go to bed now. ==/ erm

well my lack of blogging,isnt good.so allow me to catch up with everything.

the trip to my moms side of the family christmas party,actually wasnt half bad i had to share a bed with my sister, and that was kind of, well mostly a big EW, and ofcorse she has to have her way and s;eep with the t.v,wich i can not do for two reasons one being its loud and i watch it usually in discust about how people dont really act like such two being its bright.

SO the party was held at connies house, only the close close family goes early it was me jessica jason he slept at their house,we went to a hotel that connie paid for.then ofcorse becky who shared a hotel with us and dean obviously. then their kids and the people they came wit,KAtie & Kevin,and then mathew and Erin we played alot of cards, like solitare with evryone, its alwasy crazy and for the recond i forgot that sitting next to connie is bad because shes always leaping up in front of you or swinging her arms this way or that way and since she does it not but so quick it stays infront of you most of the time and you cant see anything i remered that from last year, but not until it was to late, so then i moved next to katie and kevin,scary but i could see so it was good. after a few games we opened stuff.  i think next year i will have a job since i think i will be able to drive, wich reminds me i think imgoing to go try tp get my learners soon because i know jessica is coming right up and she can get hers in august and shes going to try to get it as soon as she can. so  ugh. i got pretty good stuff this year, last year was icky but i  will feel better next year when i have somthing to give them it wont be much because i still wont have a ton of money i have a plan to level out my spending money and money to save because im going to need it alot more later then i do now.

erin and mathew gave me and F.Y.E card wich is deffinitly very good. its a music/dvd store stuff like that and thats cool i think im just going to get an itunes card insted because i dont know what i want yet but i know im getting music and some of the people i like dont have Cd's out but they have itunes. then also i can buy like a few songs not all of them if i wanted that way i could get more of the songs i wantedbesides a whole album. they gave me 25 dollars and if i get the cheaper albums on itunes with are liek 6 dollars then i can get like 4. and thats fun :)

Katie and kevin got me vegitatarian food.i hate that jessica become a vegitaria, after i did its annoying but they gave me some sushi rap stuff i havent tried that yet, and they also gave me a soup thing i ate it and it was very yummy i want more, it was spicy but the perferct amount of spice. i think i might try the sushi thing later on today i want to put cucumbers in it cause you are sopposed to rap up somthing but it didnt come with any cucumbers so.i llhave to dig around for some.

Connie and dean gave  me and my sister a tiny celtic necalance its pretty but tiny, and i have a big one from bonnie its my favorite  ncalace i have, i got it when i was alot  younger and im not sure how i kept up with it but i accedently washed it recentaly and its fine but i broke the sting for it,so i have to get more and then my second favorite necalace wich is like mine i always wear..i havent worn it in forever its a necalace thats small and its colorful and its a star, but it two need new string it hasnt broken yet but im not going to take the chance to break it, its also old. anyways they also gave me 20 bucks so yay.

Becky gave me a gift card to walmart wih is a good place as well, and then ofcorse she gave me a bag of randoms i like it alot because its fun and sh also framed a picture of me and hunter from alice and wonderland. i like it alot i dont have a picture of me and him so its special .

then people started to arrive, like Deans brother and his family, his daughter and her husband and then deans brothers boyfriend,i like that side of the family, they are very nice, alittle odd but, really nice. so then the caterers or whatever started to show and then dropped off tons of food,wich was rather delicous. and the night ended in cardgames ofcorse and that was that,peoplescattered around and started to leave. and then we opened stockings. it was your average stocking stuffer stuff. 

im onmy moms computer and the space bar  keeps sticking so its harder to type so im going to wait to finsh when i return home. 

  ok well i should start with the events that happened in such order, but i really want to do whats fresh in my mind. i hated not blogging for so long, especially when i have done so much . However at the moment i am over welmed with new stuff. ok ok so my trip with Tianna was pretty good, Jamie who is eight clingged to me, but im good with kids. and i kind of feel bad for her like she isnt used to people just being nice. like she asked my dad to get her some tea and i was already up so i did it since he was busy, and she siad you dont have to do me any favors michelle, and i told her that i wasnt, i was simply being nice. kayla was nice to shes like a year or too older then myself. we got to hershey and i slept in the same room as kayla in seperate beds and jamie slept in the living room area. our hotel area was quite nice actually it was bigger then where i live now. in this little town house. if i lived there i would be very happy. i would have my own bathroom to start with and my room would be twice the size it is now. now that is somthing i could get used too.  So the first thing we did was go to the fabulous chocolate world. i went there when i was in like 6th grade, and i reconized it. i was strange knowing i was here once before but i was much smaller. i cant explain why that was strange, but it was. like i was a time travler! or somthing. We also went to hershey park, it was fun but VERY cold. at one point it was 10 degrease, can you believe that ? thats way to cold for somone to  be outside in my opinion. the park was fun. the big rides wernt open sadly, but there were a few simpler rides.  so we rode the bumber cars jamie rode some kiddie rides, and then we came back the second day, and me and kayla rode this thing that went up in the air. Jamie started sleepign in my bed with me after the first night. Anyways so at chocolate world theres a few attraction inside. First we saw this 3D movie was pretty cool.  informative and enjoyable. it was silly too. and at the end you get some chocolate (= . then we went to this thing called factory works, it wasnt much you basically just wear a ridiculous hat and for free open a container go under this station thing place the container on it click a botton and catch the kisses inside it. but it was fun i guess, the worst past was there was a boy working there about the same age as me. and im looking like an idiot. haha at the end you hold the container after you close it and do these silly moves. im sure that boy had a fun time makeing me and kayla do them he sure seemed to enjoy that. >.> then there was a little ride thing where it showed you how a factory works and ofcorse at then end you get a chocolate treat. it smelled delicous going through the "factory" . i also got some reading done while i was there. i finished twilight on the way home. it was to my surprise that i didnt puke while reading in the car, i think the medicine worked pretty good. OH we also saw an arrangement of lights, lots and lots of lights it was very pretty, but when your in the car with an impatient 8 year old.. that kind of changes the whole thing. The last thing we did was ride this trolly. actually it was alot of fun they had a special for christmas, and this one person dressed as a few diffrent people throughout the ride, by getting off changing and getting back on, very entertaining to a young man, dresses as an elderly women, but whats even better is to see a young man speak like an elderly women . i enjoyed it, so did jamie, kayla didnt want to go so she watched the  movie agian. anyways santa got on, and called out jamies name i think that caught her by surprise. he gave her a little ordament of a trolley it was very cute he gave the older people ca-zoo's -talk about abnoxious. we sang a few songs here and there, well i didnt. i didnt really want to. but Jamie did she was sure to sing the extras on roughdalph the red nosed reighndeer and everyone liked that alot. when we got back kayla told us this story about to hot gay black people that were making out during the show, i didnt believe it. its not that kind of show and gay people know how to controll themselves in public.  

so the small trip came to an end, though i was ready to go. tired i was very very tired. we had breakfest before we side our good byes and then went off, it was kind of funny because jamie asked to get some dessert but only to the watress so she comes out with dessert for jamie, and her mom didnt even know. so she made the lady take it back. 

then i chilled a day here and rested a little i finished up sams christmas present. and then yesterday i went to hunters, to meet up with richard and practice for the talent show. im excited about it. deffinitly nervous but very excited. my and hunter share a moment to the spot light, were swing dancing together. haha its fun but kinda of scary, and i loose my balance alot because i cant know where hunters taking me next. it was a lot of work, but i got  down jumpstyle and we picked up a basic routine all we need to go over is the details. and then shane needs to start meeting up with us. i think we will be ready i hope anyways. once richard left me and hunter decided that that was enough practice for the day! so we chilled and then went on a long walk i mean super long we crossed the street and went into a neighborhood thats being develouped. hunter lives a bit more out from all the stuff here in the center of mechanicsvile, in other words you can see the stars where he lives.  it was dark and we felt as if we had entered a video game, were we were walking on nothing, but we were walking and we wernt going anywhere at any time. and it was epic once we would get to a dead end the air would twirl around us as if somthing where to meet as there and we were about to be assigned this great quest. and we were walking, but suddenly got turned around and this way was to where, and that way led somewhere over there? but found another dirt path and thats the one we chose. but we walked a distance and then stopped. where a shed hah appeared. apparently it was used for slaves to live in a long long time ago, but that shed was not right and we stood frozed, like our heels where glued down, because the vibe that shed gave off was so strong, it instantly hit us, we were both almost crying it was so strange and it had me shaken so much. i cant explain the vibe it held i couldnt even understand what it was. part of it was fear, but somthing of it was sad. despare? was it? we latched on to one others arms and causiously walked away, we were both shaken a long time. but we walked it off. me and hunter talked about things from here to there, like there was no tommarow. i like hunter he is indeed one of my best friends but he's the friend that i can talk to when somthing isnt right. when i need a friend to vent on or somthing share a secret.  and finally that brings me to today christmas day. 

i think i had a well christmas, my dad and mom were in the same house so that was scary, everychance one gets they will poitn fingers and i hate that after we finished opening stuff i left with my dad so i could upload all my music, and stuff and the way home he kept complaing about my moms rude marks, well you k now i may have noticed them but that doesnt make it right for him to talk to me about that, because she is my parent and it isnt right for him to effect my opinion on my mother. Then he was all steemed cause he was saything how she gives evryhting to jessica, like my mom didnt get me a big present well maybe it was because i didnt ask for one. all i wanted was the ipod and i got it :) so im happy. i got alot of random stuff too. >.> i got hot sauce and other weird stuff. anyways i had fun i have to go back at 2 and i wanted to play the new pirate computer game i got. apperantly it was a good deal. 

In english class we have  a project, its kinda like a free A test grade for me because that class is so bad, and im always doing my work so the teacher likes me and is seeing that im working. if i dont get an A i will be shocked, i am working on it too. its like i siad an easy A . we had to re-create a fairy tale. So i recreated cinderella, from the step sisters point of view. and she clams that cinderella was really a bad kid because she was mad that her father remarried, and she wasnt mistreated she was punished because she was always doing bad things. she stole the dress, because fairy god mothers arnt real. and its kinda like that i think its a decent story. It's due on friday, hell thats tommarow considering its currently midnight. man i should really get some sleep. no thanks. im not tired. i got alot of my music of lime wire i was so happy, well my old music that i downloaded now is finally all on my itunes so im happy. im sooo sooo sooo excited for the ipod. eep and then i can put the little thing in the bath room when i shower, showering with music is fun =DD nothing beats it really. and its so tiny i'll have my music wherever i want! it will make those not enough space, extra long car rides much better, well i think it will. heres hoping i dont really expect much this christmas. my moms broke and all and ii think it makes her even more sad that she cant get us stuff  but an ipod is a super gift and i dont want anything other then that. .well i dont need , i want lots hhaha but i dont care. it's the thought that counts right? man im a horrible friend vittoria made me a skirt i havent done anything for her yet so damn! and im going to be gone for three days i dont know when im going to get the time to make her anything. yikes maybe ill find somthing in Hershey ? i dont know what i want to make sam either, but i think im going to make a fictional book, where i basically glue everyones head on diffrent things, but in a whole book. like i could glue sam and omar and there band members on bodies of people preforming, like a posibilities book but then i want some magic in it where we all get to be fairys , i knwo im a lamo, but you have to admit that it would be commical. For one acts i got the role Andrea in a high school play. Shes the brains. shes not like nerdy shes more like the perfect kid kinda person its a medium sized role and thats what i asked for, so yay i guess. 

theres an epic spider web on the wall its kreep because that means a big spider is somwhere but my dad siad he killed some, i hope he isnt lieing. if he is. im glad he did otherwise i'd be scared and i wouldnt sleep i hate spiders. i like bugs though, yes there is a diffrence spiders are scary buggies are cute.. well somtimes they are. we took an ecology test today, i hope i did good i got my math test back and .. i got a 38 . thats horrible but i didnt feel to bad when i realized the other kids did just as bad some people got like 18's and stuff. .thats crazy the kid with all A's got a 40 somthing thats.. a scray thought no ? 

i asked if hunter merideth could come along on the trip my dad siad no i knew he would though but hunter really wants to come, i missed hanging out with him. 

Richard wants to do the talent show, im all in i cant dance but i can learn hunter will learn with me it should be fun , we have nothing to loose so why not spice up the show a bit eh ? i think we can, we want to do a dance with glow sticks in the dark we would wear all black , so that all you see are the glow sticks its like rave dancing all together and we would have it llayed out cool. its going to take practice but we can do it, if everyone gets in. 

  i love a good weekend, but i really need time to get the house organized. sheesh no breaks winter break comes sooner then you think, thats when we leave for Hershey, P.A  with my dads "girl friend who lives in ohio and her two out of four kids, who are like gangster big bootied gurls, who take odd  pictures but atleast she seems nice, her daughters anyways when i met Tianna or whatever the mom, she sounded like she took in too much hellium as a kid, and she was almost as sappy as my mom cause when i met her she was having some sort of break down. yeah he knows how to pick em'  ah im tired, i'll blog tommarow 

so this weekend im still excited for but i really loged on to tell you about my trip with sam and his family, i forgot how much i missed sam. i knew i missed him but it didnt occor to me how much. once we got to his grandmas, we went and watched t.v liek usually and stuff we cuddled comfortably, and had a make-out session from here to there, it wasnt like steamy oh baby, it was like.. i missed you, i love you kind of kissing like, a sweet make out. if that makes any sense im not sure, although one time was kinda hot cause i like get turned on when im like arched because i have to be like because of the way im being held. yes ima freek. also when like his hands are around my hip bone, and then if im wearing a square neck line, then i like when his hands play with my neck, and go around my open skin wow that sounds odd, but its not i swear im a teenager, i cant help it.! omg thats a horrible excuse.

yep but anyways.. it wasnt the fact that sam could move his arms around me, or the fact that he could kiss my intimatly, its that i know he likes me. we can joke around, be upfront completly, more honest then i want to be this kid tells me when hes gotta go poop. haha. he siad i love you so many times today and its not because he wants anything, i mean sure he wouldnrt mind but what boy wouldnt. I WOULDNT. heh anyways. .. he also always stares at me when im not looking., somtimes he does it because he  knows i cant handle it haha but he does it when im not looking ( but i really am ) , and its that he looks at me, when he talks he looks at me when i talk, but he looks at me with this expression that i cant explain but its when somone really likes someone else, like they care about them. i remeber because i could see it on omar, when he would look at vittoria, when we were still together.. he doesnt know. but thats what ruined our relationship. i saw that before we  had issues, and i knew. i knew he liked her more then anything and i couldnt handle it so i played it cold until he realized it himself that sounds stupid but , im serious. it hurt me alot, because my best friend would flirt with my boyfriend.. but i believe that people cant help the way they feel. i wasnt ever completly comfortable with omar either. i dont want it to seem like im comparing sam to omar, no i dont compare im just saying, i know the look. i can see it. anyways i had un with sam. i missed his warmth. then i went out to eat with his family, and we went to this play thing i had alot of fun. i hope im with sam long enough so that we both drive, i'd liek to go on an actual date with him, like the kind in the movies. not where your parents shofer you around ahah . im optimistic for the future, im excited for it but im not living in it. i want to give sam a bj. im ready for that, and i dont like this innocense that is with me because i havents done that . me and sam have been together for like 8 maybe 9 months if i had the choice now i'd marry this kid in a heart beat but i know this is high school. .. this is part of where people find out who they are, and that means they will change here. i dont think i want to have sex with anyone this year.. maybe i dont know, its just i think it should be special it shouldnt be like.. this thing people do when their bored.. i guess people do for pleasure.. but i dont think its worth the risk of getting pregnant. i dont even know what i would do. i think i would pull it off like Juno. i have the courage to face the student body because.. the judgemental kids.. dont mess with me . i think my boobs are bigger. sam touched my boobies he siad that and i had been thinking the previous days they were but you know i was like.. wtvr but since sam siad somthing  haha .  sam wanst the only one i missed, i missed vittoria and kelsey i miss hanging out with them on busy weekends. last night vittoria was back onlong at like 1! she isnt sopposed to be on at that time. i talked to her for like 2 hours i didnt get much sleep since i went in school early for make up math quizzes.  We also got interums today i did ok, i got all A's and B's but i gor two C's one C is easily pulled up the other one.. is like that because the class is so hard. Algerbra 2. hate it hate it hate it. i dont know what to get sam or vittoria for christmas. ughhhh this calls for a trip to good will i could alter somthing from good will. but im a greedy kid and i would want it .. haha naah i could do it. sam should have somthing special. i think i will give him  a bj,  with somthing else thats special haha bj arnt special there just nice for them i am nervous though cause.. yep but i already told him that the first time i have penis to mouth action he better stop me before he explodes, cause i dont want to swollow my first time. i told him i would eventually though.

i really need to sleep even though i feel like i'm not telling everything .. well theres always tomamrow.  

wow. talk about stress. so all day started with your average high school drama, i was syched about  try outs , well more like stressing, but im glad its over with.. i think i did ok, my monolougue was a little demented it was about this girl (me ) who worked at the dentist and i have just discovered that bringing people pain and ripping out their teeth is a great stress reliever. it had a cute ending though, anyways that was my very first theater audition so woo, its for one acts and i think i did decent i think it could have been better though. but jayson my neighbor was on of the one act directors cool i knwo, he laughed at my speech so i think he liked it ? i hope so.. i want me and jayson to be like bff's, we have known each other a long time.. i dont know its cool that were neighbors i  dont liek him or anything i like sam.. i cant talk to sam and sam is my best friend. anyways.. this also happened today  but im lazy.. so you can figure it out through diologue . 

SkyInTheCloud007: my mommys sad agiann
SkyInTheCloud007: super sad
SkyInTheCloud007: =(
SkyInTheCloud007: the last thirty minuetes have been michelle's deep pep talkin
ihatyuosmae: aw
ihatyuosmae: whys she sad?
SkyInTheCloud007: shes "stupid"
SkyInTheCloud007: like shes got a bunch of issues, and she thinks shes stupid for her mistakes cause their pretty big ones
SkyInTheCloud007: but yeaah
ihatyuosmae: like what?
SkyInTheCloud007: well.. massive debt wich is really bad but when we sell the house most of it can go away, and my dads trying to help with it, then theres jeff she let him kinda use her.. and then she blames herself for jasons drug issues, and then jessica cause shes just messed up and im guessing shes sad that i live here i think shes suicidal right now, its scary but im not sure shes just saying how shes tired and she doesnt want to do it any more im not sure about any other issues but i think theres more then i know
SkyInTheCloud007: cause she siad there was, but i didnt go down the list of her mistakes to her or anything
ihatyuosmae: ughh
ihatyuosmae: she should
ihatyuosmae: seek help
ihatyuosmae: why dont you spend a couple weeks at your moms
ihatyuosmae: and cheer her up
SkyInTheCloud007: ugh well i will next week, like my sister and brother like,.. vebaly abuse her like
SkyInTheCloud007: when i was there somtimes my sister always
SkyInTheCloud007: brings up jeff.

obviously ihatyuosmae is sam. Oh his sn.. isnt like deprresive or anything, ha its cause omar and hunters conflict was all big and omar was all pissed at sam too but when he typed i hate you sam. it was all messed up from typos.. so yep nothing much to it. 

anyways, i know my lifes not sucky.. but its not a walk in the park.. and i kinda always thought that all families where as screwy as mine. but there not. They are not. you know? Kelsey her family.. is actually a family. i didnt know their were actual "families" i though it was all movies and the typical veiw of how a house hold should be, but not how they actually are. but i have seen it. and now i can believe it. 

Note to self: .. mistakes dont make you stupid. men dont make you happy, and people arn't dependable for your happiness. Like i siad. i am here and im makign my mark day by day im coming, and im not sure if the worlds ready for my but i have plans and im going to go places. i dont ever want to leave my dreams in my child hood. dreaming isnt for children, its for anyone with sense.  We shouldnt push people out of the way.. but bring them with us. im not a preacher. im not even all that religous but my veiws matter, they might not be "godly" and they might not be "proper" but their mine. and .. in order to be happy we have to get by doing what we enjoy and if not.. i think just be being a good person.. will make me a better happier person. im not sure if its will make sense when im dwelling over this.. but it makes sense now. Hell im not even sure where it is im headed.. but i do have a feeling, and its not bad. 

well, that was a long seperation wasnt it? anyways my trip with bonnie, was alot of fun. some rough conversation had me a little disheveled but thats alright. i concluded alot of things, and found some new veiws, not specifics though. but i do think im diffrent, well i think i realize things that most teenagers or children dont. Bonnie says im older then my time, i think i like bonnie so much because she knows im diffrent, and.. what kid doesnt want to believe they are special, but it is this courage that will make us so.  like when i was really little and bonnie called me her favorite.. even though it was better for me, i new she shouldnt pick favorites like that atleast not announce it, that was wrong. i understand things that even some adults cant, not knowledge you learn in school but the simpler things that people let slide. Im not suer if thats making sense, but it doesnt matter because only im going to be seeing this. i really hope to advance in my arts. im going to get back into Fine art next year i want to become great i dont care if im remebered but i want to go places, and meet intresting people. not that im missing whats infront of me, its just change thats all. When i was at bonnies we also did fortune cards, and we read one and others fortunes, you shuffle cards thinking of a question and then you lay the cars out, then you choose maybe three cards that feel good. i focused cause i believe if you believe in that stuff than it will work but if you dont then it wont, i really felt the card i chose, and they were really strong cards. All of them were powerful, and syche cards wich is really weird for one set. And one of the cards doubled the power in the cards that are around it so that was even better. it was good. also we did a diffrent kind, then next was asking questions with a diffrent set of cards, i got deffinitly for advancing in art and crafts, i also got defeinitly for being sucsessful and i also got a deffinite for getting marride. so that was cool and really it isnt but so likely to get deffinitly because you have to get three aces . We also went through her junk, we found some cool stuff and she gave alot of it to me. she liked the feeling of giving i soppose, anyways i got a bag thats from tibet its liek a sash that goes over your sholder i like it alot, also i got some more quartz, i also got one of the fairies she painted i liked it and i got this jar that i have liked since i was a kid, its got a neat shape and it has one of the painted fairies on it, it also has "fairy dust" in it. i also got some amazing jewlrey one was an anklet from india it sounds beautiful. i also got a necalace it was like gems in a cage and her grandmother gave it to her. its old. i got some other little jewlery too, and i got some cool boxes like a strawberry box with a fairy on it, then another cute lil box. i got alot of stuff not that its important but i like them alot. .. .we watched alot of movies, like Rose red, dragonfly, Storm of the centry wich was actually really sad. i dont remeber the other movies, we went out to diner at this japenease place the food was great, and the cooked infront of you, while flipping the food and tossing it here and there. For thanksgiving day we had some delicous Fondu not the traditional thanks giving but i liked it better, because it was well.. better, it felt right. her neighbor came over for a second to invite her to come eat with them, he was real nice. his name is santovious kinda cool huh? 

This week came fast i didnt attend school on wensday because i attended a funeral, funeral might have the word fun in it.. but their not fun at all. i have been to 4 funerals. and i think thats to many for a 15 year old to have been too, im just glad there hasnt been more. My grandmas brother, Henry died but i knew him as Sunny he was the nicesest person, cheery really. 

and then this weekend im going to my fathers parents house with jessica. i dont think they like jessica the last visit she threw one of her tanterums, im not sure what rreally went down and i never will know, but she upset my nana alot. its important to be nice to people. it gets you places.. and its gets you friends, support. my nana gave me 100 dollars for christmas! not that the money matters but she only gave jessica and jayson 50, i thinks its partially because im not rude as my sister but also that im living with my dad, and jayson is older and has a job. wich i hope to get one over the summer. 

i have started drivers edd, its exciting i guess we watched a movie today it reminded me of all the movies were you see kids in drivers edd and there all in shock from the images on the screen. it wasnt horrifing they were just telling stories, but i hear at the end of the class, its pretty gross. 

anyways this weekend im going to see an acrobat show that should be cool. i miss sam though were good in our relationship i have been trying to call hi9m each nigh since i havent been able to spend as much time with him. he likes when i call him. even though im not a phone person. Also being in drivers edd, reminds me that im now the agde that everyone one wants to be. you know? kids are playing pretend that their teenagers, and thats just kinda cool. the futures exciting, im sure mine will be because i wont let it be anything else.