Paranoid. fear.

This Town house, Has too many spiders, its the over all area, because allison has a lot at her house too. It leaves me uneasy, after i see them crawling around. I feel them crawling on me, when nothings there. all that is there is the red mark left From slapping myself like an idiot.  This is what i know as being paranoid. If i get in my bed i feel them under the covers, and i have to run to the light, turn it on, and make sure that there was nothing other then the pillows and blankets that are supposed to consume me. Whats there really to be afraid of? There Just spiders, i could crush one, with just my finger, As far as damage goes, There's the possibility of a small bite, then agian there are two Poisonous spiders living in Virginia. The Black Widow, and the brown Spider, I Think thats what its called but i can't be sure. Even If i were to be bitten, They are both treat able, and at my age its un likely that i am effected with long term injuries, Unless the bite goes un noticed for to long, and it starts taking effect of my amune system.. but hey  what are the chances that its going to be one of those two spiders out of the 3293572 that are lurking around here.. This Really is not calming me. Then again What is their Venom to what the word has to poison me with?  I don't understand why i should be afraid of spiders, I have so many other fears and that ones just an annoyance. Why do i have to be afraid of anything it only stops me from doing things.. but sometimes that good, being afraid Is also being safe is it not? One fear however is the fear of failing. From time to time, im so afraid of the way something will turn out, or of failing, that i wont even try. I wont even attempt because i am to scared. Be brave be brave be brave. As if that is going to help. I'm afraid of conflict, and im afraid of time, I am afraid of losing Anyone close to me, but thats only natural. I am afraid for life to beat me down, as it has done to my aunt. I don't want to ever lose my hope of being happy, and i don't want my dreams, to just dissapear because we need hope, and we need dreams to go on, Is there a difference between having hope and motive? Having hope is having a motive, as well as having a dream. I do not want life to deprive me of either one. I am afraid of ending up like my mom and I'm afraid of Being a prisoner in any way possible. I am afraid of letting anyone to close. Of losing my independency on someone.  I am Afraid of forgetting who i am, I am afraid of Becoming someone I would hate now. Afraid of Emotions, Afraid of fear.