these are the best days of our lives

Ok the text below in blue is Sams online Journal post. 

=( i like my friend christina a little bit.  i discovered that when i went to new york with her.   i had liked her a little too last year, before i went out with shell.  but its not likea huge crush.  like 1-2 on a scale of 10.  like if a stranger was 0 and shell was 10.  so its not anything at all really, but i still feel bad.  i dont wanna like anyone else but michelle.  i debated whether or not to tell her for a few days.   i didnt wanna tell her because i thought she might be upset.  also the fact that when we broke up it was in part because she liked someone besides me.   that made me scared.  but she asked me and i couldnt lie to her so i told her =/  and i do feel better for getting it out.  i dont want her to tell people but she said she wants to so whatever.  i just dont want it to get around, and it doesnt matter anyway.  it cant grow or anything because i barely talk to/see christina.

also, i think michelle isnt happy about my drug use.  her brother is really into drugs and she doesnt want to see that happen to me.  i very rarely ever do any drugs, like i smoke when people offer to me (once every couple months?), and ive tripped benadryl a couple times.   i told her i would stop for her and she said she didnt want me to make any choices based on her.  love is sometimes about sacrifice, and im willing to cut out a little high sometimes to make her happy.

michelle also said in her most recent blog, something like "i dont know whats happening to sam"  she always says little things that make me not stop thinking until i get to talk to her, like this.  ive been freaking out all day and ive been really sad.   im a little paranoid shes gonna break up with me again.  that phrase makes me think ive changed and i dont know it, and she doesnt always talk to me about stuff so i never know for sure whats going on.

i would understand if shell left me though; i really am a bad friend and a bad boyfriend.  i never took into consideration what she would think if i did drugs. i never thought oh this might upset michelle i shouldnt do it.  and i feel like no matter what i do i cant make her as happy as her other friends can, and i try really hard to.  she also said that we are drifting since were not really in the same group of friends anymore, and were both busy often.  i thought we were gonna have a sleepover saturday night but shes going to hunters.  she said i could come but idk i dont really want to, because she doesnt pay attention to me much when were in groups.  and i dont care about seeing anyone but her so i think id just be sad if i went.  but i get to see her tommorow =) but only for a few hours like usual. 

i feel like theres more to say but i cant think of anything.  i hate myself for hurting the person i love more than anything.

ohh another thing that i havent been able to stop thinking about: she said too that she was kinda happy i like christina because she doesnt know whats happening to me? i have no idea what that means and i am scared.

Then I got home and instant messaged him about soccer and whats going  on. Im Skyinthecloud007 and he is ihatyuosmae (this is just because im lazy ) 

ihatyuosmae: hey
ihatyuosmae: read my blog please
SkyInTheCloud007: kk
ihatyuosmae: cant talk atm
ihatyuosmae: yeah i can now
ihatyuosmae: :P
ihatyuosmae: how was your game?

i guess latly i have been thinking alot. Thinking alot about getting stuck in this boring system becoming routine like a already have. I mean when i change classes at school i just feel so out of control, and so mechanical that it makes me sad. i dont want to be some machine that just does whatever is told. Does whatever has to be done, and i'm not the only one. But we just cant let ourselves caught up on this fear itself because it wont do anything but bring it closer.. we just gota do whatever we want and do whats under out lil power right now. Just remeber who we are, because latly it seems i have almost forgotten.

Then theres sam. Sam who has found a new interest with trying different drugs and stuff, hes wanted to do acid for a year now, i didnt mind really at first but now its worse, and i do feel that hes drifting. i mean we cant even hang out that often because were both busy, being with different crowds.  but i have invited him to hang out were ever i'm going.. but he doesnt want to feel awcward so i guess thats ok. I still love sam and all. He's sweet. but im worried. i watched my brother and i dont want to be with sam if hes going to change to, i dont want to be a witness to it. but im not going to tell him hes not aloud or somthing because i dont want to. i want him to do what he wants, but to just be careful. and im happy to hear that he likes this girl named christina a little. i mean im not but i am. im glad that he does because i dont know whats happeening and stuff right now. i'll have to get back to you on that explanation. and then im not happy well for the obvious so its pretty even, well sam is picking me up early this morning so i have to get ready . 

 Where are we  going .  ?  What are we doing ? 

Our embroider projects are due by next interum, which is about three weeks however at the rate that im going im not sure thats enough time. .then again when is there enough time? 

Last weekend, i should have cleaned, reorganized myself insted i spent it with some of my friends, friday i was at home, Saturday came soon enough as it always does and it started with me getting into a black and red polka dot dress i had somewhere packed into my clostet and since the weather was nice, and it was an easy effort to just put that on i did. me  and my dad making a nice little trip to olive garden it was a nice treat. i love olive garden anyways from there i went back home and Vittoria called to see if i wanted to go to her house, i did around 6. i unfortunatly missed all the Halo action but we (me teddy and hunter m ) all went into the sad in vittorias back yard, her dads making a volley ball court. We built a sad sand castle and then we barried ourselves it was silly, and we died of laughter for whatever the reason was. We later went inside and plopped down in the basement and watched this movie called waiting i believe. It was amuseing as any other movie should be. We were pretty tired once the boys left. But vittoria had to finish cleaning but then it didnt take long for us to get to sleep. 

Sunday morning came just as fast. I ended up going to the mall with kelsey, i got some new pink tights, cause i didnt have any that were bright i only had a purple pink kind. it was fun i had not been to the mall in a while and i dont have as much time for kelsey so i wanted to have a day for her. I'm having the same problem with seeing sam. Its basically cause he doesnt talk to the people i do, people being hunter m, richard, rose.. and he doesnt really talk to vittoria any more either. .Even though me and vittoria have split in different groups we still manage to hang out, because we can mush.  But its hard to get a day with sam cause its like ill save him a day but i picked the wrong one, or he will save me one but thats the wrong one too. 

This weekend he was in new york with his orchestra class, sounded fun. HE brought me back a snow globe of new york and it plays music like the music box i got him, it was cute ^.^ i like my snow globe.  i saw him sunday night for a little we went on a mini walk well more like a walk meet up and sit down. i want to find some like crazy spot so i can just go and meet up and we can lay there and pass time, but i dont know of any cool spots that create distance from anywhere else. cause we just kinda go wherever our feet do until we sit down somewhere in front of somone's house. I dont mind for now of corse i'm just glad i have him with me to pass the time with. 

Monday. Just like Every monday . except soccer practice was  different . i found my tennis shoes.  We were going to have another practice in the lobby, haha those are so fun because its like. we dont need you damn fields. we don't even need a gym we just need some space and we can do whatever. haha but it turned out that the sun clouds cleared out well the rain drops seized so we were free to the outside, which wasnt the best news, the weather today was discusting. it was so humid. it wasnt even hot, but we were all sweating by simply standing still. The first think we did was run the "scenic route" its probally a good mile and a half.. Then we were going to play agianst varsity but i was out first i felt weird because im never out.. not to sound snobby it was just weird. but it was because we did it by whoever picked up a penny first and i didnt pick one up. so to bad but  didnt care i was icky from the humid weather. then coach came and talked to me because the other two girls who were on the bench were getting water,  and he came to talk to me about playing for varsity. i was flattered but at the same time i didnt want him to ask me at all. For the next game were switching some players . like some of the JV girls get to move up and play on vasirty and some varsity girls move down to fill  in.  its only for one game and they just picked the people that were well.. i hate to say it but better then the other people on the team i mean their good too. anyways i dont really want to and he was shocked when i shook my head. but i think im going to stick to it. i'd rather play a game where i play the whole time and feel like i know what im doing rather then play with varsity not play that much and be stressed out at every little thing.. well i do that anyways. i had alot more to blog about but its a school night ! 

Before we left for teannas vittoria threw a party sam was actually going to go for once and i was all excited but then he couldnt because he wwent to omars, but i dont blame him, im glad he went i and hunter almost went ourselves, vittoria didnt invite omar she hates him, i hate her for that shes heartless in that way, how can you not feel at all. just be gone from someones life. that was not love. it was just a thing. to never talk and have complete neglection no wonder he was so caught up hell i would be too. anyways the only thing about the party was that richard gave me a comlement cause he was on the floor and me rose and hunter were dancing (while jason vittoria and teddy and them were on the couch two very distinctive groups. ) i hadn't really danced till then because i get intimidated which richard because he wins. so its like fuck you. and im shy somtimes so it doesnt work. but then he came over and told me i was getting good i could see the envy in hunter and rose hehe. and he was like i mean i was over there and you caught my attention i was like OH wow thats michelle! hehe that made me happy, cause i mean its a compliment and why wouldn't it, he also told me one day that he thinks i'd make a good mom.? that one was weird but i mean i guess i liked that one too i mean i remebered it didn't i ?  I think it was because the last time we all went to roses and this little boy was there.  anyways the last of my break  Was spent at teanna's house with my father and her four daughters. The way there i actually didnt go to sleep like i normally did i stayed awake, i was forcing myself to but i did it, and im glad we went through downtown pittberg and it was wonderful, it was dark and the lights were flashign the brigde stood in the middle of highways and intersections and city comotion and it crossed over the water in the middle of it all, it was exciting. as usually Jamie who is 8 was hyper as hell and the easter candy wasn't helping that. Bethany was the same as always as well, argueing, hyper, loud and well the most ADD  person i know.  ashley was on her period. and ofcorse since girls are all.. oh shes doing it? I WANNA DO IT TO. Even though no way in hell did i want to get mine, but i did and that sucked for some reason this one actually effected my mood, made me angry ahha i kinda just wanted to punch anyone who was a louder then nessasary right in the face, however i held off. I am usually more tolerant with children then that by the way .  i wasn't even sopposed to start until like another two weeks. gay. I didnt help that Jamie wanted my attention all the time and my dad went to walmart and brought me back a book.. brilliant right? NO because that just edged me more that i couldnt read it because people were loud but i can tone things out really well, so i guess it was alright, im reading book two from the twilight series its the biggest thing latly, i like the books now i dont think their like OMG BRHFABDHFB TWILIGHT but its entertaining as a book should be, this book although was one of the most annoying things i have ever read in my life span so far. You see it was one of those things were YOU know whats going to happen and you want it to happen so badly however it has to take some time to do so and it just kills you because you dont care about this or that when you know how its going to end up anyways and oh my freeking god! it took forever to get to the good part i read non stop because it edged me ! im almost done, im surprised im not reading now considering its the end of a book, and when that happens its typical to read non stop because your so close to finding an ending, to summing everything that you have experienced through the book up, and thats a great thought, but i know theres another book so the ending wont be the least bit satisfying because i know theres two  more books so she (the auther) will leave me on some completly open note to start the next one with, yep no happy ending what so ever. which is probally why im not stuck in the pages right now. 

I think one of the reasons people like to read so much is because its better then their reality, im not saying thats my reason but i mean, i know when i read i can relate ( i love when that happens because its like FINALLY someone else atleast knows that emotion knows what im feeling, even if their not realy people, i just sometimes wish i could get in there, tell them that i know exactly how they feel and build off that one emotion ) and when ever i can relate i compare myselves to them the charachters i dont usually replace myself as them because like i siad im not for the whole this is better then my reality thing, however im all for comparign and relating somtimes i can put faces on the charachters like my friends like oh this is like blah blah whoever, or somthing like that. 

Anyways i didnt read the whole time we were there, we also played alot of UNO but it was extreme, there was a machine with it that shot cards at you, it was fun. 

We threw my dad a mini surprise party it was cute i must admit he seemed to like it, he liked it alot when myself and rose and hunter baked him a cake, and it turned out not so bad. It was yummy too and im not a chocolate fan. Somtimes beign at teannas is awkward more then i would like anyways because they can be cuddly somtimes, i mean i have seen them kissed and they sleep in the same room im ok with it, but its just weird thats all. At least he is happy, but i mean i dont do that stuff with sam infront of him, i think if he is willing to snuggle and kiss here and there with her then he should be willing to except that i can do that too. Its only fair because he is displaying it.  however im still going to spare that awkwardness for another time, im still not doin anything with sam around if my dads there, obviously thats just gross. 

We also went to this factory that did Fiesta plates and fiesta whatever else. thats the dishes and whatever we use, they had teapots next time we go i will look agian because i want one, but we only buy from the second department because thats all the sale items and they didnt have a tea pot i wanted. If you buy them from the first place then they are much more expensive its because the second room where there all on sale are the "defective ones" however most of the time they look perfectly fine.  It was a nice drive there it was on a lil island we had to cross a slippery bridge it was nice though, everything is much prettier there then it his here, there are montains everywhere and the houses are worn down and out of breath .  but they hold stories and i like that, unlike alot of the homes here where you cant see anything past the newly placed roof tiles, but the people there are different too, i dont like them really. they shout when you drive by, with no reason i really dont like loud, yelling or anything i liek to be relaxed and yelling is anything but calm. it makes me jump because im flinchy and i dont like it. its just a different place, i dont think they would except me  for who i was if we moved there, i'd love the envoiroment its the people that scare me. One point in the car i got into some weird thinking thing but i realized i was singing along not to loud though, and i was still able to think and concentrate it was a weird feeling, like i was mechanical and that triggered this whole thing i remebered talking about with sam, about just being a machine, and yes its true but not for evertyone some people can get out of the metal box their in. i hope anyways i dont know. For some reason i was tingly at the time while thinking all of this, while the music got intense and up beat then the last song did and i dotn knwo sam was in my mind somewhere but i wasnt focused on that, he was there anyways. Im not sure but it was like i getting an adrenaline rush though there was nothing going on, i wasnt being chased, or yelled at i was sitting in the car calm as ever, but i was more ready then ever do jump to run to get out, or spin anything but sit it was craZY insane. 

 i got back with sam that night. I hated myself so much, it just all came down, and i let hunter talk to me and try to analize my life, when i should have been doing it myself. anyways i walked to his house, so i could tell him how sorry i was, and how i wanted him to take me back and just be with him again, but he never came outside, and i guess i get that.. he was sad and didnt want to see me. he wishes he did now though so my little cutsiee happy ending didnt work haha but then later that night when i got back home i talked to him on aim and we worked it out. haha he just siad "god damnit michelle" and i thought it was funny =) and then it was like nothing happened but a bad dream, that wasnt completly bad because it made me realize how much i love him, and how good he is to me. i dont even remeber what i did over the weekend, 

oh i slept over richards with rose and omar, it was fun. Hunter was all im not going to come and wanted omar to hang with him, but im glad omar came with us even though he felt bad for somewhat ditching but hunter could have come to richards too.. he just didnt want to. I made him mad, by getting back with sam, but i honestly dont care sure i want hunter to be happy i think he deserves someone, it just wont be me:). anyways i think hes all mad, one because i went back with sam and two because here he goes and tried to analize the situation agian but he can pretty much convince himself of whatever he wants, when he really just needs to stop thinking and feel. just feel . and has convinced himself im going to avoid him because i dotn want to like him or somthing. but thats not it. i am not avoiding him at all.. i cant stop from feeling whatever i want to feel.. i dont think i will like them agian and if i do ill know its just because i am spending so much time with them, but ill also know not to freek out and lose sam over it. becausee i like sam so much more.  

I dropped any feelings i had for anyone other then sam, once he was gone and it was like the thought of never being able to talk to him or even be his friend was like just shoot me now, or somthing along the lines of that. 

SO richards was fun, we were all really tired though so we didnt do much. Saturday i totally went home to my sims, wich i have been hooked on agian. i played me and sams family, our child has grown up and is now in college. haha 

sunday i got to hang out with sam a little. :) it was fun that was the first i got to see him since i got all retarded. we snuggled a bit in his room and then we went for an adventure to find some cake for our friend shane, hes a nice kid. WE eventually found some because my dad was driving by and new i was at rite aid so he stopped and took us to the dollar general were we made our selection, and then went back to sams and snuggled. i could just lay with him and not do anything for hours. its nice. then we made the cake, with some white icing,  and sam left for his band practice, he had show on saturday i didnt go though . shane liked his cake, and it actually tasted pretty good.

then today was fun too. i had sam come over that morning :) and then vittoria came over later and then we made a stop motion video with stuffed animals, it was silly. then we dressed up a little, and then we met up with sam and hunter Pernell. It has been forever since i have seen hunter p. i missed him so it was nice, i hope to see him more often this time. we all went to the park it was pretty cold. it just bothered me at one point when we were playing around and i just liek tapped her face and she like beat me with her wrist. >.> like to where it hurt.. and still does even if im bein a pansy somtimes shes to rough and its.. like .. jeeze chill out. 

the park was lots of fun i was just kinda free i felt nice doing whatever i pleased without nagging or anything i like being outside. like this one soccer no one picked me up but an hour later and i just layed in the grass, and it was so nice, so relaxing. i didnt know just laying there could be so wonderful. anyways i went over to the lil slide thing and hunter and sam were on the swings talking and it was so cute it was like a little movie and i was watching it, and .. then in the other picture was vittoria and jaysen being all over eachother. so i layed there but then i was paranoid about spiders.. haha i dont like spiders at all. so i got up and went over to lil sam . and then they went to the bench so i was like.. okeeh .? but then the swing was open! so i swung and swung and felt wonderful and free and refreshed and i went where ever the swing carried me. 

vittoria and jaysen fell off there swing by now, and now where "one with the sand" anyways eventually i went over to sam and hunter agian and sam put his arm around me and we all talked a while and it was fun i missed hunter p alot, i missed sam too even though i had seen him earlier that day . im home now obviosly.. however vittoria and jaysen are still outside in the sand.. and im a little sleepy... in other words i kinda wanna sleep but i cant do that because i have to unlock the door when she gets here, and i wont leave the door unlocked because there has been some break ins . i dont mind that she wants to be with jaysen or cuddle its just the complete neglection. while she can go do whatever with her boy toys im always stuck as entertainment, or like a distraction for whomever, i just think its also wrong how she treats omar. i mean he's such a great kid, he doesnt deserve this, ok so you dont like somone any more.. thats nice really it is. but could you be any more heartless. pleasee take a look at yourself. Whatever though, she can do what she wants.. well its not like she was really looking for approval in the first place. 

Atleast i have sams jacket hehe, i stole it, it helps me sleep. :) 

so i know that i have left the site for a while, but i want to come back to this site and in an emotional state as so, there couldnt be a better time. I dont know what my problem is, i dont know whats wrong with me, what made me hurt someone i care alot for. some one.. i love. I do love sam. i still do. and i know i do because all i can think about is what i did and how hurt he is. and how hes sad and im responsible i want to make him happy to just help him like he was always there for me. but i dont know what to do, without making it worse.

Yes i broke up with sam yeatsreday., but yes i do love him, you must understand whomever this goes to. I do love him i miss him but i am young, and i want to take it easy yes i have crushes on hunter and richard but i love sam, i just dont think it was fair to be how i am, its not fair to sam. Nothing has been fair to sam, he has done nothing wrong, but everything right, he has always been there for me, and never has he anoyed me, never has he hurt me..  and this is what he gets? how can i do as i did. I do want to break it off, but maybe not forever just so i can take my time if we do love eachother then maybe when im ready for this, a relationship as mature as one should be then we will find one other once more.  i just want to be here for now. but i want to still be his friend i want to talk to him. 

His aim profile. is a list of everything he no longer gets, well with me.. but its not the end, we can talk, we can go on walks, we can do whatever he wants. we can share food and go to kings dominion, but not if it will hurt him.. then i just want to give him space. but im just sayign its not the end.. all that changed is a title a freeking lable perhaps.  we both still feel, its just were not "girl friend" or "boyfriend" but were still the same people.. he can still go to parties, i'll dance with him, i will get yelled at with him in math i want to. but im not sure anyone should be listening to what i want because im fucked, i just want a break from relationships.. and it just hurts me more to think that we didnt even have a relationship of any pressure, or any worries to follow it, it was chill... 

its just knowing i still feel the way i do .. makes me feel like we would have been together for much longer and .. i just needed a break a time to think of whats going on. of just being in high school and floating and i feel bad once more because.. its not like he was a crazy jealous boyfriend and like wouldnt let me do anything.. i was pretty much free with being with him. Its just me.. and being myself, being a jerk and hurting some one i care so much for.. i just dont think anyone could really understand what im saying unless they want to. unless they really listen. 

But as closing its not the end.. i dont know though.. if he can sit next to me right now in math.. or.. if he will ever allow me to be his friend again, he can understand why i did what i did. its not that i dont love him. that i dont find him to be the best thing thats happened. its just that its high school and at this level i want to take it easy. shelby might just sit in the middle.. i think that might happen unless he wants it differently i just want to know what he wants.. me to do, if he wants me to come talk to him, to hang out of if he wants me to leave him alone awhile. im so sorry for what i did. 

 I went to ohio with my dad over the weekend. It was fun, crazy oh yes. 

We went to the mall with kayla, Jamie tagged along too. There we met up with kaylas boy friend haha oh man he has more boobs then me, and whats even grosser is that he has a special talent of moving them, yeah and he can do it so fast that almost everything else he has jiggles too. they were really quiet, shes only seen him like 4 times and they been together for like 6 months . This month will make a year for me and sam, i kinda wanna do somthing, but i dont know what there is to do . 

Anyways at the mall there was this girl there that liked kaylas boy friend she was over weight too, and she was pregnant not that you could tell because she was already oversized. wow that was mean. They got into this amusing verbal battle. .The mall was kind of boring we stayed to long, but at the end me and Jamie were just playing around. she was attacking me. Im good with kids, but like all kids the do get annnoying i played barbies with her and thats like a one time thing, barbies are not fun when you get to where i am. Bethany is very sweet too. she and jamie both wanted to help me do my craft project, it slowed me down but i let them pull through the string, I feel bad because they have so little, they dont get attention and there just not used to people being nice to them. and they all follow under kayla, they just gotta take a few of there own steps. you know? 

The drive home was a mess, about 2 and half hours to go and we couldnt see the road a white out hit, and snow was everywhere, it was really exciting since we dont see much of it, and it was alot of snow when we finally did get home The lights went off (hints the flickering in the previous entry) And my dad never bought me matches or a lighter so we got creative, it was tiannas idea. We turned the stove up and Got a peice of paper it was like we were rollign a huge joint or somthing haha and then we touched the stove and it lit on fire, it wasnt to safe but it worked and it was fun (= one of those small things that you just want to remeber.

 the next morning i opened the door and my eyes hurt because it was so bright from the snow, everything was white. there was no green, or anything anywhere. it was great i wanted to see sam that morning but he really wasnt feeling good and 2 hours i guess wasnt worth it or somthing? i dont know i was ready i was gonna go even if i only had 2 hours i missed sam. 

I only had to hours because christina was coming to pick me and jaysen up she was havign a lil snow party it was alot of fun, Tiffany was there and alex who apparently have a thing and are kind of dating i dont liek that. its actually kind of gross. no really gross cause there both like ok i dont care lets have sex. and ew. i dont like them together tiffinay is a little slutty but shes better then alex he doesnt deserve her . and i just dont liek alex period he's creepy. anyways Rose and richard were there too, jaysen as already siad and Kory and Hunter. It was alot of fun we played in the snow a little and then me alex and tiffany and someone else whom i just cant think off went inside while the others went to meet up with kory and hunter because they had not arrived yet, but we sat down and drank chocolate milk and it was so cute, just because we dont get snow days often and it was so like story time fictiony that i couldnt help but to AW at it. then vittoria and Jessica (twin ) got here around the same time as the others returned and we went upstairs and partyied. ^.^

Then We had a sleepover with richard rose hunter Jaysen christina and kory, it was alot of fun we played truth or dare, but i mean that didnt really get intense i was mean to jaysen and he picked truth everytime, so it was his fault for being to chicken but i made him feel okward everytime and i do now know the size of richard and jaysens penis. haha i was just curious. its fun. We built a fort and watched aladain i know mature. We danced some, and just chilled and at one point kory and jaysen fell asleep, it was great richard and rose attcked them with make up. Oh and god forbid i leave out Richard putting on christinas clothes and modleing them everywhere, it wasnt a dare either he did it willingly. he could blen in with the drag queens of california, yeah it was bad. Tights skirt and all. eventually around five i went to sleep in the fort and some time lator hunter joined me in there, and everyone else was in christinas room, I woke up to richard and rose over me attempting to attck me as well, but i woke up with only a few smudges. I wish sam could have came, i could have slept next to him and been with him all night =( but he was sick so oh well i guess,  i just dont knwo if i'll get that chance again and since it was snowy and everythign was so story time like i just had my lil fantisies. 

I think i get to see sam tommarow im excited, i miss sam alot. 

Maybe i'll get to go bra shopping to i seriously need some functional bras and i need a sports bra for soccer because running is bad in this kind. I told my dad about needing a new bra when they took us to the mall with kayla becuase they were talking about them and i was like speaking of bras i need some new ones.. >.> haha so glad thats done 

Oh yes and that means we get another day off from school. We got like 8 inches of snow, its crazy, 

 i let it slip but durning this providence the lead singer held my hand durning their first song ( a wolf in sheep's clothing) tehe :) 

anyways the second day of tryouts for soccer was horrible. WE did sprints from the whole football feild i have never in my life had to sprint that far. seriously, so it was really hard for me, we did that and then they gave you 60 seconds to get back to the other side, which ment you still had to jog back because 60 seconds, seems like it would be a long time but its not. we did that like 6 times. i pretty much died. 
Third day of try outs was easy i liked it they pretty much dived it Jv and V 

I made junior varsity obviously since i didn't really do anything haha but i like it because im the second oldest on the team vittoria is the oldest and were like the most experienced on their, theres maybe two other kids that might be better but i havent played with them really to know. But im thinking its going to be fun. so yay. I like most the people however Libby made the team and i do not like libby. thats another thing about varsity is i dont like the other kids and i wouldnt be the better player i would be one of the not as good ones. so ick on that. i like playing time hehe. 

I left school early on friday and i missed soccer i was sad. its fun. I like th our coach he actually makes us work, like i think by the end of this were all gonna have some 6 packs haha ew. anyways he didnt like me at first cause i talked to vittoria when he was talking, its not our fault, we really want a magical closet that connects with eachothers it would be amazing.  Anyways the coach likes me better now cause he sees that i kinda kwno what im doing, in comparison to some people on the team, like i didnt really do anything for try outs and since i talk he was kinda like.. great, but then its like ok.. she was nervous? i dont know but he wanted me to demonstrate but i think the kids that do are show offy. and i dont want the attention, my lights keep flikering some im going to finish this and do the next one based on the weekend. 

It has been far too long since my last concert and this one was perfect for a come back. :) it was alot of fun. and i got to see this providence :D that was amazing. Just cause their one of those bands i have liked since 8th  grade so yay. I knew most of their songs except the early releases, and My favorite slow song ever is by them, i think i like it because i have listened to it alot over two years and im not sick of it. I took their poster off the wall . tehe . and some girls were handing out stickers. i met the lead singer and the rest of them were walking around however, kelseys dad was waiting on us. so it was like eh ok. 

The other acts were good too, which were sing it loud, LUDO. For the record Ludo are all creeps like the guitarist is crazy lookign like a younger maynard. haha maynard from tool ofcorse not as extreme. the lead singer is your typical nerd who never could get any through high school ;DD and he makes super funny faces. the keyboard guy is dramatic and retarded. but we all love him. the Drummer, didnt stand out to much but i had a hard time seeing. then the other act was the mornign sets they were really good, i didnt know their stuff though. then a local band opened i dont even remeber their name. :/

haha For this providence it got crazy, and i was like WOO! <3. so since it got a lil wild not extreme but it was so squished. For canal club that is. so after their stuff this gurl comes out of knwo where and me and kelsey turn around cause these two girls are like having a tantrum between themselves because that new girl was pissing off the one who was already there and they were so loud me and kelsey though  it was funny, so we started screaming, and in the middle of that i decicde to go man happy, and say what the hell in deep voice, and they both stopped yelling and glared at me hahaha and  then we about lost it cause it was so funny, but deffinitly a had to be there kind of thing.  

 Today i went to get my physical. On the plus side, i got to sleep in about 2 hours more then i usually do. When i got there, the whole room kind of was staring at me, not that i care because when anyone new enters a room thats what happens, and the outfit doesnt help . haha but it didnt matter, so with the okward glares i pulled out my embrodery stuff,but that didnt help much because once i finished with the string i was already using, i forgot sissors. GO ME... 

Eventually it was my turn, and the okwardness got worse because they told me i had to change into those little parashoot paper short things, and this fail paper shirt, with only my bra and i was kind of like well you can forget the whole shirtless thing... my dads in here so luckily i remebered to wear a underneath shirt xP and that worked hehe. So then you know Male doctor goes and checks my breathing while somewhat feeling me upp. icky. and then after that was done it was time  for my little surprise shots. ohh yeah. 

1. 2. and 3. 3 shots. i got three last time, not cool. the second shot hurt alot. my arms hurt now. But i played it cool. and didnt like flair like a lil baby or anything i just didnt look and stared at this sticker thing on the wall. maybe thats why it was there in the first place? 

I also got my eyes checked, still at 20/20 so thats good. But i was mad cause she kept making them harder and i couldnt read the one list and i was like POO >:O they also took my weight/height. My weights at 105.. ehh thats better then 107 but that was when i had my cast maybe it was a whole 2 pounds i dont know. and my heights at 5' 1" *shrugs* i already new that. 

That wast the end of it. My dad decided he wanted to tell them i was vegitarian and so then they wanted to find out if i was healthy and stuff so they had to take some of my blood, they pricked my finger, and then she squeezed my finger and put my blood in this little tube it wasnt fun. My dad decided it would be a good idea to tell me right before she did it, that it feels like bee sting. Bad idea haha i still played it cool.. but i didnt need to know that. And for the record bee stings hurt way worse. They also took my blood presure but that didnt require any needles or blood veiwing. They Nurse i had was sweet though she was a black lady with red in her hair, i liked her. 

So we waited and then they came back and guess what im a very healthy lil person so HA! i told them i ate healthy and tried to get all my iron/protein. and i do im at a good amount im good on iron, i could use more but its good, but most females dont get enough.  but i do get enough just barely. SO =P  

Then my dad took me out to eat at golden carrowl with his co workers cause that was the same time as their lunch break and its only like 10 minutes away from where they work. It was Yummy, then my dad took me home, cause i dont feel like going to school and i dont think im missing anything, and i have a friend in my classes so i can just get the work from them. Besides i have got to work on my stitching. >.< 

The physical was for soccer which is going to start next week, try outs anyways. They started earlier this year last year it wasn't until march. So much for thinking i would actually be riding the bus home for a change, i can proudly say that this year i have riddin the bus home less then 10 times, (to my own house) that will probally go for the whole year. And i like it because it means that im active, im involved. 

Im so happy i did the talent show, because i dont know being on stage isnt a big deal but i think dancing is diffrent because im not a very good dancer, but we did, and it was somthing i had never done before, so i am very happy. it was deffinitly worth all the work. 

This weekend this providence and Ludo are coming to the canal club im soo excited i love them both. like i would think Ludo is to big for canal club, like their radio big, but i guess its just their one song. 

 today was the end of our practices, of our preformances, and we did good, we preformed at richards church, they were havign a lil talent show thing too.  So that was fun, 

ok so rose has liked richard for a while now, and latly its been building up. Its funny cause whenever he comes over im like you just gotta play it cool and i took peace fingers and ran them over my eyes and now we do that whenever you need a play it cool moment but she told richard today she liked him, and he siad what i thought he would blah blah your nice i liek you a little too but i dont like highschool relationships.. and he doesn't i know cause i have been here for the lil rants but im glad rose got it off her chest. 

Well first off The Kitty came back (=, im so glad it did i was quite worried. The weekend went well. i had vittoria sleep over friday night, and yes my dads company was over i think they were like WOW with our outfits, but they kind of liked them too... not that it would make a difference. The Sleep over was really fun.. well it was  until My neighbors got home. Im getting ahead of myself .

Ok So we started off by playing with chalk, then my dad siad somthing about my music not being loud enough (he wasnt being sarcastic or anything) so me and vittoria were like oh ok. and blasted it, woo it was so fun, we danced for a while and then we went down stairs to play apples  to apples, it was really fun ashley wouldnt play though. what a turd. 

Then We heard a door slam, so we rushed out side and suer enough jayson was home and he brought along Teddy (who was in my one act ) and a nice person and Donald (who helped direct my one act.) We partied! we got lots of candy from my place and it was alot of fun until vittoria got clingy on  jayson becuase she does like him, but she doesnt want sam to know and since sam reads this, then well... sam .. you heard nothing *winks* 

it annoyed because around 4 a.m they were all so tired well atleast Teddy and Donald were.. and i was a little but i could have held off and donald was hinting that he was ready for us to leave so they could you know actually sleep so i hinted back, by sayign yea we need to get out of here soon or nowish.. and vittoria didnt even look at me she looked away and mumbled yea without reacting so she left us standing there for about an hour. Regardless of what anyone else wanted. And i hate that about vittoria when she likes someone she knows she has that ability to make them like her too.. but its gone to far when she isnt worried about anyone else. Eventually around 5 we left and crashed on my bed. Vittoria left some time that morning around 9:30 and i stayed sleeping and then i went to sams because it was valentines day :) 

He gave me nice lil Presents a some what gross/sweet card haha, i wrote him a corny note, but i didnt print it, ha i still havent i tried in the morning but i was rusehd and it wouldn't work, and im not going to get my dad to help cause im mean it starts with my dearest smea. so yeah rather not get into that one . We went on a walk kinda, and did stuff,  and Like his parents where both gone at one point so that was fun ;D unfortunatly i had to leave earlyish to babysit. 

I went home to change and yes babysit Susans Kid Maggie, I babysat Maggie and Elizabeth for a week over the summer, it was very tirign there not young but i was there from like 7:30 in the morning to like 6. Anyways it was only maggie because her sister whose older wasn't there. It was alright at points it was like.. ehhh what do we doo. but it turned out ok, we watched a movie and being so tired from the previos night, was almost falling asleep and thats bad so i was really trying, but that movie was predictable, "Kung Fu Panda", then we played "Last Word" thats where you have to get the last word in, its pretty fun, she beat me. Which im glad, i probally would have let her win if not, because i dont know if she is one of those kids that like Cry if the lose and i'd rather not find out. then we talked a bit about school, shes going into sixth grade next year, so it was a nice chat. There was music on the T.V so we had a mini dance party she had alot of fun with that, so im glad. We then popped in another movie that i actually wanted to watch but i knew her parents would be home soonish so we didnt get into it to long. Surprising as it was they paid me 25 dollars, thats pretty good like 3 hours, one kid who can pretty much manage herself, and i got 25 dollars so yeah i was satisfied. 

The next day was Kinda of like Chill day. Sunday. I slept in really late. I was So tired. I don't Know what i was doing after that, Oh i showered and did whatever and then we all went out to eat. It was fun haha when we were takeing our order We all started Laughing super hard cause this little boy got a wack to his head by his mother. it was so funny, because it was so loud. The Place was pretty far but it was because a little boat ride was near it and the boats where free, You drive your car onto it and it was cool, it was cold though so we were in out in out of the car.  There was this place up the stairs though, and we went up there and it was funny, There was this black man and kayla was like OOOH he's fine. haha and on our way back down this guy passed us and he was so kreepy. haha he siad somthing to kayla about her not wearing a jacket, but he was weird. They were in my room with me that night a little, but i was lookign for my  X-box remote because i wanted to watch paprika, Ashley was on my computer and kayla went back downstairs and talked on the phone, their both so boy crazy i saw pictures of their boyfriends too, it was all very entertaining, but I have to say that my boy friends the best looking ;P ;D after a while i went downstairs and watched t.v. too. eventually ashley came down and siad that it was alright if i had went up therre earlier she was just waitin for me to. ahah it didnt really matter to me i was really out of it. 

which led me into the next and last day of my weekend, Monday, we had the day off from school i was going to go to sams in the morning but he told me i could sleep as long as i wanted to just because hes that nice, and i felt bad and planned to wake up .. but i did not, by the time i did it was time for me to go to Alex's house for an hour do  a small practice and go to vittorias party, at this point  The company all left, and i didnt get to say goodbye =(, so thats what we did, it was fun, we brought richards party stuff  to the party. and we did a preformance but it obviously was a little fail becuase we were havign trouble with the glow sticks on the unbreallas not sticking so they all fell off. and i kept dropping the glow sticks in my hand, but they were smaller then the normal ones. i didnt care though because it was just a mini practice preformance thingy. i didnt get to hang out with sam much in that party, but i did a little, he didnt really want to dance and its ok. I was just like craving raveish party because it had been long and after talent show shit  i just want to dance, much more intrested in raving and stuff, i want to learn fancy-er stuff. It was cool at the party we played this game, Other then halo.. haha cause i did play some halo with friend i was Beatin him so woo but i got bored secretly because... i beat him so i secretly gave the controler to matt haha and left.  Then thats where the other game comes in, it was a dance game, we call it freeze rave. Like one person who is dancing, will be with other people some people will be dancing but then you have people Who are frozen, the people who are dancing tag a person who is frozen, it was sweet. and then once you touch the frozen person its like you gave them your energy so you have to freeze, its sweet as in it looks really cool to watch , like when people get tagged in different positions so the freeze like that.  Oh me and Hunter had a phone Lil talk thing cause we used to have them alot but we havent in a while and hunter was telling me about people he kinda of crushes on. He told me he has a small crush on me, cause he thinks im adorable hehe. But it hasnt really changed anything .  obviously. 

Ok which brings us to tuesday, nothing eventful happened that day except, after school where we had a dress rehersal.. so much for that becuase it was in the cafateria. so there were no light effects and you couldnt even see the glow sticks so it kinda of made us mad that we wasted glowsticks. but it was ok, the following day was the real deal, but their was a twist, there were only like 6 people compeating so he wanted time fillers during the time frame of when the judges are doing it, and we decided we wanted to do one because we had a thought of a base from the game played the other night. so we siad we would. So in an hour and 30 minuetes we had a whole new routine and the song was so fun. 

Night of preformance, went amazing. I didnt really mess up, which is good i was so nevous though, i dont know what it was usually on stage im ok, becuase its like i can feel the seperation of me and the audience, liek for one acts i wasnt nevous i was sick out of my mind but i was alright. But for this, i was afraid i would drop my glow sticks and i was also afriad that i wouldnt be able to crack them. We got on stage with our magical glowsticks. and BAM i did it i cracked them, i was so scared, i couldnt tell if i was able to and then i heard the snap and i was like WOOO and everyone else's worked too. Then it went great, until alex went to the wrong corner, all he had to do was look where i was standing THATS IT. but we improvised it and it was alright.  Oh and me and alex's dancing went pretty good, like i thought i might drop my glowsticks there because like we were used to holdign hands, and i realized i didnt have enough of a grip for that so when we got close i was like.. NO TOUCHY hahaha but it was good! We finished and people seemed to really like us so yay then when we went up for our other preformance where were not judged that one was really fun, i loved loved loved the song. it was so fun, and kreepy. haha it was justt pretty cool. i like it lots. 

We won 1st place for popular vote, and 1st place for judges vote, then we won for stage presentaion it was a good night! it was so fun, i liked dancing on stage, i love the excitment its such a horrible feeling before you go on, but i really like it once im there, and doing "my thing" lol wtv

Oh well today was pretty fun it was an early release, Also english projects were due. We had to make a sound track to the story we read as a class, it was A Summer Nights dream. Boring. it was. I went home with sam to his house, and it was fun we just did you know what ever, and we went on a little walk because the weather had been so nice latly, how could we possibly keep ourselves out of it?  We got back, and for some reason latly i have just been so tired, it's from my lack of sleep. So me and sam like feel asleep on his bed it was nice actually (= like i was super comfy i dont usually like company, but i really liked sam there. haha i fell asleep with my hand on his penis xDD thats just kinda where it went too. 

Then i was going to go home around 6, yeah its early but thats because i wanted to get here so i could clean because apparently Tianna and Her two kids Kayla (who i know) and Ashley are coming down tonight and staying for the weekend they should get here in an hour, anyways turned out i left my bag at his grandmas. so we walked to her house to get it and jaysons cat followed us. and .. then it stopped like in between and i think its lost, and i feel so bad for the kitty, like im guessing he never goes that way because he would have to like go through all this stuff, and its a whole diffrent place. im going to go looking for him if he isnt back by tommarow. 

 Speeking of  Last weekend, i went to sams birthday party it was pretty fun, all the lamos sprawled out on the floor and played their lil noob games, while some people chatted it up or danced, there was pizza and it was all pretty fun :) 

Also speeking of sam, he was sitting front row during one acts, it was very intimidating, but i was trying very hard not to look at him i would have been distracted and laughed at him or somthing. 

 We did it we got through our one act, i was so sick the whole day, but it wasnt because i was nervouse, like i was actually sick. i think i had one of those one day stomach viruses, like i felt so sick, i wouldnt have gone to school if we didnt have one acts, i thought i was going to throw up, and i kept burping those gross burps, like before your going to through up, i was so scared that i wasn't going to be able to preform. SO during theater class today i couldn't do warm ups because i felt so sick, and his policy is if you cant do them then you have to go to the clinic, and like while the asistent teacher lady wrote my pass i started crying and it was rather embaresseing, cause i dont cry usually, so she wrote me a pass, and i'm like breaking down cause, i felt so shitty, and then the thought of not being physically able to do one acts. So i went to the clinic and then mr. prince came so i got sad agian and i Hid in my hands haha. It was funny cause mr.prince was trying to distract me so he started talking about the apple juice at our school and i was like wtf? haha. and then i went pack to class and presented our monologues but on the stage and on a cube that if you fall off then YOU FAIL! haha i messed up once, cause my previous break down, like we presented last class and i didnt mess up at all. I liek being on stage better though then the black box, because you feel the seperation between you and your audience, and i like that better. 

I didn't eat at all yesterday either, i was afraid it wouldn't you know stay down. >.< but i drank water lots of water, which later resolved in constant peeing haha. 

Our one act went first, i still felt sick but i got lots of medicine from the clinic, it deffinitly helped, but the distraction of preforming helped, to because i didnt focus on how  i felt. We got through it, and we did alright we changed like most of the blocking in an hour, and we sped ran through it so we really didnt get to practice an actual run through of the new blocking, before we went on that was the only part that was scary for me, i didn't mess up at all :) i got all my lines right, i think mostly everyone else in ours messed up. actually i dont even think i was shaking and typically i shake after liek a sentance of being infront of people. maybe it was the meds? haha i dont know. I think we surprised everyone there that knows our group. we were the ultimate fail group, and you know it didnt turn out half bad, but i wish i could have watched it from the audience too, and not have known the story already, i think our story wasn't that great but we pulled it off. 

When they annouced the winners and stuff, We didn't win abviously but  i got a best actor award they gave out like 10 or so , so it was like a quarter of the people there got one. hehe and its a little medal, i like it :) but i felt bad cause Rose and the twins didnt get one . Vittoria did though so that was cool. cause were competitive and if i had gotten one but she didnt that would have been akward, but if she got one and i didnt i wouldn't have cared just because i felt like in this there wasnt much to it that you had to do really, like it wasn't a difficult part or anything.  

So my moms liek all pissed off at me or somthing because jessica has no friends i feel bad for her, she was liek all by herself, but she asks for it becauses shes a bitch, like she thinks shes better then people, and argues but she doesnt have the room for it. 

And we were running short on time because a few people went to slow on there monologue like we seriously all have to talk a little fast i tried to, but i didnt want it to be to the point were i wasnt understood. Anyways they cut her last seen i mean she got her main seen in, yeah i would have been a little upset but they always mess up too, Plus that was the most irrelevant scene in the end, it wasnt an option on what scene was going to be cut it was just how it played out, it didnt matter who it was it was simply the position and the meaning. 

So i called my mom to tell her about my reward, because im not going to lie im excited about it, i mean that was my first one act, my first thing ever on stage. and i got a reward :O well before i could say anything she brought up jessica, and i explained it wasnt who she is or anything it was because it was near the end, and we didnt have time it wasnt my fault, and she brought up that her other character got cut, but that was all jesasica she siad she didnt like gale and WANTED it to be cut. that cant be used as somthing that she should get a favor for. Gale was the most irrelevant character and since no one talked to her, and jessica wanted her to be cut, she was cut. 

The last time i went to my moms house wasnt any better i went there and i was sad because thy made fun of my outfit choice for one acts so i wanted to change it but then i siad it was ok i could wait till lator. and she was liek NO COME ON. so i went, and the whole way she complained about how i stressed her out and she wants me out of he life, because i cause her stress. Wow that was nice and warming. you know but if you dont want me here fine, i wont be. 

 I feel like im going to barf. It's not even because of the fact that I will be on stage today for one acts infront of every other kid. Even if ours is the most boring, were going to do it. we didnt get cut like all the other groups predicted, and here we are, today were going to change like most of the blocking and today we will preform, we have about half an hour to practice, wish us luck (= . I just hope my stomach is up for it im starting to think it was because i drank soy milk that expired, im not sure if it was expired, it tasted ok. 

I did sleep well last night i had a sweet dream i dont remeber it enough for any of it to make sense, but i do know that even in my dream i was sickly =( and kayla keplinger was there .

ugh school. 

 Last weekend i spent it with vittoria, since yes my parents ditched and what not, not that i minded though i missed me dearest vittoria. Her spirit has kind of been up lifted, since their break up. The weekend pretty much revolved around aliens, and halo. haha Friday we played halo and more halo i actually got MVP of the game once :D that means i was the best player out of everyone, i think i do pretty good since i dont have live, i want live but i only have the original X-box so i wouldn't have halo three.. and my dad siad i could chose between a wii and an x-box so thats somthing to think about. i dont really know. Like the Wii is cool and all and it connects to the internet, and i want animal crossing for it cause ima noob, but.. then theres Halo live for the 360 and other fun stuff. so i just dont know. i'll ask around i might be leaning to words x-box 360 however! i think the normal x-box can get live, so i might just do that and stick with the older versions of halo, but im not sure if it can. ? 

Gosh the weekend feels so, long ago. i have been way to busy. so i cant re-member everything we did exactly. but we took a bath in our bathing suits haha, it was sopposed to be a bubble bath but it failed. :( 

I also went to an extra one act practice they were having, on saturday i believe? maybe sunday? But my neighbor jayson was there, and the cristina she's alex's ex girl friend i think i like her alot, i thought she was adorable before i new her, anyways that brushes on another topic i'll get into. 

then My dad siad i could sleep over sunday night too! so her mom made us go to sleep at like 10.. well we actually talked for a long time like till 2 or something, close to 3. The next morning we were so tired, we stayed up late like everynight, im still not rested up from all that either. 

The next day we went to school as aliens, i wish me and vittoria could have like a conjoining secret closet where, even though we still live a far from one other our closets connect, and we could chill whenever better yet, get ready in the morning together, and just have twice the clothes since were generally the same size. it would be tight. People kinda freeked out to me and vittoria bein aliens, but it was all good fun. 

Friday is One act preformances, im nervous, i dont knwo about getting onstage infront of lots of people, and my character is lame too, like she isnt funny or anything :( i want to be funny. besides that im just happy we finally got it somewhat together, like were under the time limit cause we cut out some acts in it. 

today in theater class we presented diffrent monologues only me and rose did " dont cry now. billy" it was a drama about a women, who was giving her kidney to a close friend or brother, it was alright but i think i did really good cause at the end, everyones expression was like aw/wow put together, liek i didnt think i was doing great when i was doing it but i didnt forget my lines or anything actually i wasnt focused on the crowed so i couldnt tell but when i was done there expressions told me! so yep yep. That prefomance was an audition too, becuase out class iss doing a class play, just for ourselves so we can do it, and were going to watch it on video when were done. i dont know its somthing diffrent. 

Besides that Talent show stuff, has been going good. I went to the mall with richard yesterday it was funny, and we saw a bunch of funny children haha, to over my bed time for details though, Rose says she thinks we might have a shot at winning. i havent ever been to the talent show but she does it every year, and most people are singing/playign guitar, i think that gives us somthing diffrent. 

 i did alright on my report card. With an exception to my straight D's in math. i got all A's and B's other then that. More B's then i wanted. i got b in english i was so sure i had an A but i got a C on the exam, well on the benchmark. Like the thing your teachers didnt make i think i did good on the one my teacher made, cause it was the material we learned. 

The sign up sheets for talent sow finally are out, we were the first ones on that list ! haha 

actually im not in a bloggy mood, but i need to, but i should wait so that i will be detailed. 

q12oikm03t592w23: hey
SkyInTheCloud007: hello
q12oikm03t592w23: whats up?
SkyInTheCloud007: mini projects, u ?
q12oikm03t592w23: nada
SkyInTheCloud007: mm doing ok ?
q12oikm03t592w23: not really =
SkyInTheCloud007: =/ im sorry.
q12oikm03t592w23: mmm
q12oikm03t592w23: do you know if tomorrows gonna be an a or b day?
SkyInTheCloud007: i have no idea
SkyInTheCloud007: lol
q12oikm03t592w23: do you know how shes feeling?
SkyInTheCloud007: i do i guess
q12oikm03t592w23: ?
SkyInTheCloud007: she's happy ?
q12oikm03t592w23: so like she doesnt care
q12oikm03t592w23: or is she mad at me?
SkyInTheCloud007: shes not mad at you
q12oikm03t592w23: she just doesnt like me anymore?
SkyInTheCloud007: mm i dont know that one, but i can find out?
q12oikm03t592w23: no
q12oikm03t592w23: its alright
SkyInTheCloud007: mk =/
q12oikm03t592w23: =(
q12oikm03t592w23: do you know if she liikes someone else?
q12oikm03t592w23: like honestly
SkyInTheCloud007: well honestly, she does. but that didnt have anything to do with whatever happened whith you two
q12oikm03t592w23: mmm
q12oikm03t592w23: can you tell me who?
SkyInTheCloud007: yes but i dont think i should. (cause i dont if vittoria would want me to and its her secret not mine)
q12oikm03t592w23: michelle
q12oikm03t592w23: i have nothing else
q12oikm03t592w23: its not like
q12oikm03t592w23: its gonna make me feel
q12oikm03t592w23: any worse
q12oikm03t592w23: then i already am
q12oikm03t592w23: its been so long
q12oikm03t592w23: and she
q12oikm03t592w23: just
q12oikm03t592w23: stopped
q12oikm03t592w23: ='(
q12oikm03t592w23: i just wanna know some things
SkyInTheCloud007: its doesnt matter, its not me secret to tell. i can tell you but i just have to make sure that thats ok. im sorry.
q12oikm03t592w23: ='(
q12oikm03t592w23: alright
q12oikm03t592w23: well
q12oikm03t592w23: what should i do michelle
q12oikm03t592w23: i havnt stopped crying
q12oikm03t592w23: i dont wanna do anything
q12oikm03t592w23: i mean
q12oikm03t592w23: everything
q12oikm03t592w23: was so good
q12oikm03t592w23: and then
q12oikm03t592w23: she just
q12oikm03t592w23: stopped likeing me
q12oikm03t592w23: and im so clueless
q12oikm03t592w23: and i cant talk to her
q12oikm03t592w23: and no one tells me anything
q12oikm03t592w23: i mean iv liked her since 7th grade
q12oikm03t592w23: i cant jut
q12oikm03t592w23: just*
q12oikm03t592w23: get over it
q12oikm03t592w23: i cant even sleep
SkyInTheCloud007: =/ well obviously you cant just get over it, so as far as what to do. yyou just gotta take one day at a time. you cant hide from what your feeling because thats even worse, because its there. Try to sleep
SkyInTheCloud007: but liek she didnt like anyone at all when you two were going out. (just so you know)
q12oikm03t592w23: its alright
q12oikm03t592w23: i just wanna know
q12oikm03t592w23: if shell be better
q12oikm03t592w23: with whoever
SkyInTheCloud007: are you sure everything was as good as your telling yourself?
q12oikm03t592w23: i know there was a few problems
q12oikm03t592w23: on my part
q12oikm03t592w23: but you cant tell me
q12oikm03t592w23: we werent good together
q12oikm03t592w23: all thsi time
q12oikm03t592w23: 8th grade
q12oikm03t592w23: too
q12oikm03t592w23: and now she doesnt want me
q12oikm03t592w23: can you tell me if shell be better off with him?
q12oikm03t592w23: or could you please just tell me
q12oikm03t592w23: itll make me feel better
q12oikm03t592w23: or just idk help
q12oikm03t592w23: your her closest friend
SkyInTheCloud007: I dont know omar, its just highschool. people experiment. so being better off or not. its just highschool
q12oikm03t592w23: but itll help me
q12oikm03t592w23: if
q12oikm03t592w23: they really like each other
q12oikm03t592w23: then
q12oikm03t592w23: i know
q12oikm03t592w23: shes not gonna come back to me
SkyInTheCloud007: Well its just a crush.
SkyInTheCloud007: omar, regardless, of if she'll like you agian, which no one knows. she doesnt even know
SkyInTheCloud007: but you cant just wait because theres nothing that says she will. she doesnt know.
q12oikm03t592w23: its just hard
q12oikm03t592w23: to sit here
q12oikm03t592w23: doesnt matter whatever
q12oikm03t592w23: it just
q12oikm03t592w23: feels
q12oikm03t592w23: really bad
SkyInTheCloud007: then dont sit there, dont ignore whats going on but dont be a total potato
q12oikm03t592w23: im still doing stuff with friends
SkyInTheCloud007: see thats god
SkyInTheCloud007: good*
SkyInTheCloud007: !
q12oikm03t592w23: but its just hard
q12oikm03t592w23: i mean
q12oikm03t592w23: i did get over it
q12oikm03t592w23: in 8th grade
q12oikm03t592w23: and then was worse
SkyInTheCloud007: yes. i know its hard, you just gotta give it time
q12oikm03t592w23: is this person one of my friends?
q12oikm03t592w23: can you tell me that
SkyInTheCloud007: idk i shouldnt have told you she likes anyone now
q12oikm03t592w23: i knew she did
SkyInTheCloud007: But she didnt at all when you two were dating, just know that
q12oikm03t592w23: i know
q12oikm03t592w23: i know
q12oikm03t592w23: she told me she wouldnt doubt it if she went out with someone else
q12oikm03t592w23: so i knew she did
q12oikm03t592w23: its not like im gonna go and kill them
q12oikm03t592w23: or interfere
q12oikm03t592w23: it would just make me rest easier
SkyInTheCloud007: no i know
q12oikm03t592w23: but she is your friend
q12oikm03t592w23: so you dont have to tell me
SkyInTheCloud007: i know, i cant .
q12oikm03t592w23: you could
q12oikm03t592w23: if you wanted
q12oikm03t592w23: its not gonna hurt anyone
SkyInTheCloud007: its not about what i want to do
q12oikm03t592w23: just hurts me if id otn know
SkyInTheCloud007: i cant tell whats not mine to tell.
q12oikm03t592w23: but if you know
q12oikm03t592w23: then you know
SkyInTheCloud007: you dont need to know. what diffrence would it make who it is ?
q12oikm03t592w23: it would help me
q12oikm03t592w23: thats all
q12oikm03t592w23: its just
q12oikm03t592w23: she got over it superfast
q12oikm03t592w23: and already likes someone else
q12oikm03t592w23: and shes
q12oikm03t592w23: the one who always said
q12oikm03t592w23: all this stuff about the future
q12oikm03t592w23: and i always said
q12oikm03t592w23: chill out
q12oikm03t592w23: lets just live right now
q12oikm03t592w23: but then
q12oikm03t592w23: she
q12oikm03t592w23: just didnt like me anymore
SkyInTheCloud007: its just being excited.
SkyInTheCloud007: like i dont know things happen. and shes just realizing its high school.
SkyInTheCloud007: like most people dont even know who they are in highschool, how can they knwo what they want
q12oikm03t592w23: theres
q12oikm03t592w23: 2 years left ?
SkyInTheCloud007: yeah
SkyInTheCloud007: out of 4.
q12oikm03t592w23: out of 12
SkyInTheCloud007: im just talkign about high school. and the years arnt important, time isnt what matters. its just enjoyign what time you have left
q12oikm03t592w23: yea
q12oikm03t592w23: well i dont doubt i will get over it
q12oikm03t592w23: eventually
q12oikm03t592w23: but
q12oikm03t592w23: wev all been like
q12oikm03t592w23: basically together
q12oikm03t592w23