these are the best days of our lives

Ok the text below in blue is Sams online Journal post. 

=( i like my friend christina a little bit.  i discovered that when i went to new york with her.   i had liked her a little too last year, before i went out with shell.  but its not likea huge crush.  like 1-2 on a scale of 10.  like if a stranger was 0 and shell was 10.  so its not anything at all really, but i still feel bad.  i dont wanna like anyone else but michelle.  i debated whether or not to tell her for a few days.   i didnt wanna tell her because i thought she might be upset.  also the fact that when we broke up it was in part because she liked someone besides me.   that made me scared.  but she asked me and i couldnt lie to her so i told her =/  and i do feel better for getting it out.  i dont want her to tell people but she said she wants to so whatever.  i just dont want it to get around, and it doesnt matter anyway.  it cant grow or anything because i barely talk to/see christina.

also, i think michelle isnt happy about my drug use.  her brother is really into drugs and she doesnt want to see that happen to me.  i very rarely ever do any drugs, like i smoke when people offer to me (once every couple months?), and ive tripped benadryl a couple times.   i told her i would stop for her and she said she didnt want me to make any choices based on her.  love is sometimes about sacrifice, and im willing to cut out a little high sometimes to make her happy.

michelle also said in her most recent blog, something like "i dont know whats happening to sam"  she always says little things that make me not stop thinking until i get to talk to her, like this.  ive been freaking out all day and ive been really sad.   im a little paranoid shes gonna break up with me again.  that phrase makes me think ive changed and i dont know it, and she doesnt always talk to me about stuff so i never know for sure whats going on.

i would understand if shell left me though; i really am a bad friend and a bad boyfriend.  i never took into consideration what she would think if i did drugs. i never thought oh this might upset michelle i shouldnt do it.  and i feel like no matter what i do i cant make her as happy as her other friends can, and i try really hard to.  she also said that we are drifting since were not really in the same group of friends anymore, and were both busy often.  i thought we were gonna have a sleepover saturday night but shes going to hunters.  she said i could come but idk i dont really want to, because she doesnt pay attention to me much when were in groups.  and i dont care about seeing anyone but her so i think id just be sad if i went.  but i get to see her tommorow =) but only for a few hours like usual. 

i feel like theres more to say but i cant think of anything.  i hate myself for hurting the person i love more than anything.

ohh another thing that i havent been able to stop thinking about: she said too that she was kinda happy i like christina because she doesnt know whats happening to me? i have no idea what that means and i am scared.

Then I got home and instant messaged him about soccer and whats going  on. Im Skyinthecloud007 and he is ihatyuosmae (this is just because im lazy ) 

ihatyuosmae: hey
ihatyuosmae: read my blog please
SkyInTheCloud007: kk
ihatyuosmae: cant talk atm
ihatyuosmae: yeah i can now
ihatyuosmae: :P
ihatyuosmae: how was your game?

————— 07:24 pm —————SkyInTheCloud007: it was great first half.. i scored ^.^ and my friend was goalie and it wasnt like cheapooo goall it was like perfect top corner un reachable . haha and  i never get to score cause i played defense and when i moved up i sitll satuy back... and i did this time too .. i wasnt close or anything ahah and then the score was 1-1 cause the other team scored first
SkyInTheCloud007: but second half came
SkyInTheCloud007: and like i was sooo tired
ihatyuosmae: woah howd you score if you play defense o.O
SkyInTheCloud007: cause i dont get taken out but one of my friends was center too and shes so fast soo its score
--- ihatyuosmae is away,

I am away from my computer right now.

SkyInTheCloud007: .. no silly coachiii has moved me to defensive mid. which is like center feild but i stay behind middle because i help switch the feild and stuff i liek it alot cause i cant kick it farr so it works foorrr me
SkyInTheCloud007: like when everyones really close up i am too but a little back
ihatyuosmae: ooh
ihatyuosmae: hey i gott
ihatyuosmae: go
ihatyuosmae: help my mom
SkyInTheCloud007: i was like a little out side of the goal box
SkyInTheCloud007: aw
SkyInTheCloud007: =(
ihatyuosmae: read blog please
SkyInTheCloud007: but i want to talk to you about your post
ihatyuosmae: did you read it already?
SkyInTheCloud007: im about to start 4th paragraph
ihatyuosmae: okay
ihatyuosmae: well
ihatyuosmae: you can talk while im gone, illget back to you
ihatyuosmae: bbl =)
SkyInTheCloud007: ok,
SkyInTheCloud007: soo i do talk to you, but you siad in your blog you didnt think, so but i promise i still tell you most stuff and today i missed you alot because i love you and i wanted to see you agian all day im not going to break up with you agian any time soon so please dont worry i think i was caught in the momment in that blog. anyways i worded some stuff badly, i dont know what i ment by that when i siad i didnt know what was going you must remeber, that im a confused child :P
SkyInTheCloud007: and i didnt mean drifting in a way like i dont like you aas much or somthing because thats not true at all. I want  you just as much as i did. i guess its just that i dont see you as much and stuff
SkyInTheCloud007: i know i dont hang out with you in groups but thats because i dont wanna hang otu with me you alone because then people are automatically oh i see how it is. but if you hang out like with me and whoever im talking to at the time its ok
SkyInTheCloud007: i dont ever want you to feel shy or somthing like at parties if you wanna come be with me its ok
SkyInTheCloud007: i can take time for you
SkyInTheCloud007: i like to (=
SkyInTheCloud007: cause half the time i want to i just dont wwant to be annoying or somthing like at torias when your with hunter or whoever but im not trying to turn anything around on you cause i hate when peopel do that im just trying to explain myself thats all
SkyInTheCloud007: that doeesnt make you a bad boyfriend
SkyInTheCloud007: you dont need to worry about me all the time thats not fair, you deserve a little free time.
————— 07:34 pm —————SkyInTheCloud007: your like the best boy friend ever. nno lie and best friend
SkyInTheCloud007: im not saying anything because its what you might want to hear or somthing im saying what im thinking while i type .. and not proof reading so
SkyInTheCloud007: i dont know if it makes sense but oh well
SkyInTheCloud007: anyways your more wonderful to me then anyone
SkyInTheCloud007: so the least i can do is give you some attention
SkyInTheCloud007: :)
ihatyuosmae: =)
SkyInTheCloud007: just when somthing scares me or relates to somthing that was just like horrible then it freeks me out, even though somtimes the situations are totally different like when i broke up with because i thought about what i went thtrough with omar.. and that weird no talking time. and then just yeah i did think about my brother only because he recently talked to me and hes so fucked up and i dont want that to happen to you , even if you have more self control or somthin its just frightning