Y had the day off today so just me S-A and K...went ok tho, quite quickly actually for a Tuesday. Had a good stream of e-mails from A this morning and then after one from P from Florida, a few from E as we discussed what P had said.
Tonight went quickly too. I bought a cycle computer from argos at lunch time and it took me about an hour to fit it! Then I went to S and P's to make sure all ok, water the plants etc. By the time I got back and had some food it was 8.30. Then had another flurry of texts from A. Seems its a good week this week! at the mo, I am sitting here copying my Blood Bros DVD for her. I've got over my strop about her going to see it at the weekend (well not telling me she was) and thought she might like a copy of it!

Yet another warm day and a dull one at work. Was tired at work as I didn't sleep very well as I had that nightmare I have every now and then. The one where I scream in my sleep trying to wake myself up. Of course for the past 5 years E has had the 'honour' of being there to gently shake me awake, but not this time. Took me a while to wake up and a good time to go back to sleep. I find the biggest part is wanting to. It makes me scared to close my eyes again.
So having said yesterday about playing cool with A, she e-mailed and asked if by any chance I was going into town and could get her a voucher. Of course I could. Which meant I 'had' to see her tonight. Stopped off on my way home for about 45 mintes, had a cup of coffee (I nearly typed 'nice cup of coffee' - A doesn't make a nice cup of coffee!) and sat in the garden and chatted. Only A and E home so that was nice. E said she hated me! but when I complaned she said she didn't really and she gave me a kiss when I left!
Went for a bike ride again after. Then I had tea then being a saddo I drove the car round my bike route to measure it - just over 13 miles. Not as far as I thought it was actually but it all helps. Would've gone to the YM as usual on a Monday but P is away and P was busy and I didn't hear anything from T or M.

Sitting in the back garden. With me are the laptop of course, my book Dinner for two and some choc digestives. It's been a scorching hot day and even now at 8.55 I am still sitting in just t-shirt and shorts. The sky is totally clear except for a slither of moon high above in the fading light blue sky.
Now I've set the scene I must confess to having a bit of a wobble. Itunes is on shuffle and it selected Hey there Delilah - the song we used to hear all the time last year in Kefalonia. I looked around at this garden, all the plants that E lovingly planted then abandoned, then I looked up at the moon and listened to the music and for a moment I was back in Kef, remembering looking at the moon there with E, walking along the sea front into Skala. I shed a tear. I miss her.
So, contrast this story with another. 7 years ago today another relationship of mine ended. I suppose in some ways you couldn't call it a relationship and in other ways you could say its never ended! But either way, 7 years ago today was the day she decided not to continue on the path it was heading.
She text me at lunchtime saying hello and that she'd been to see BB last night. So I replied "oh yea, was it a secret?" It made me really angry. I don't really know why. I mean I don't have an issue with her...them..going to see it, I don't own the show but I never understand why she doesn't mention these things. I tell her everything. To me it either means I talk too much and must bore her with my lifes details or her sharing things with me isn't that important to her. As if I'm not the big, special friend I believe I am. And I'm not over reacting about one incident, she does this all the time. Why is her life such a secret? Whichever it is, and as I'm sure you can tell I clearly think its the second option, it does make me sad - and angry. She did reply that she'd been so busy she'd almost forgotten they had tickets but I didn't reply. Instead for about the millionth time in those seven years I spent all day thinking, this has to stop, when will I ever move on?!

Went to the rugby with MB, PF and RL. Pretty good day out, had a few drinks and some lunch before the game. Also saw J & C outside the Jockey, outside the ground. As for the game - not a classically exciting game but Glos won 8-6 and their defence was fantastic.
Tonight I biked to the quiz at Bushley. Couldn't drive as had too many drinks in Gloucester. I ummed and ahhed about going but thought why not, the quiz is only on once a month and its better to get out than stay home! I teamed with R and R and Tim T and we won by a mile. I was pretty useless, didn't know much. C offered to give me a lift home (as she would!) but I declined. Only took me 22 mins to get home (25 to get there). E wasn't there - she said she probably wouldn't be as she was going to some young farmers event all day.
Had a text from P to say they had arrived in Orlando safely, had left the airport and were cruising along the freeway in their "Big Chrysler" towards the hotel!

Friday already. Another warm day. Dull at work again with everyone still in Holland.
Had phone call from kids at 6ish, they were just heading off. Bless.
Tonight I went out on my bike again, another 15 ish miles. I still dont have a speedo computer to measure exactly but as it took me almost an hour and I was going a reasonable speed I think 15 miles is a fair guess.
Didn't hear much from A again today but did have a few texts tonight. She said she was going to the Canterbury with mothers from playgroup - and that includes C. She semi-mocked me by saying what should she say to her if she ended up sitting next to her. I replied, 'tell her "I know he married you, but he's loved me more and for longer"'. She replied that that wouldn't be a good idea. So I said why not? It was true - which it is. Longer and bigger, which part is in debate?
Partly due to how hot I was after biking but also coz the night was warm and muggy, I sat outside until 9 with the puter, listening to music and reading stuff. My al fresco evening was curtailed by loud thunder and lightening tho!
Was in bed by 10.30, not sure why, seemed like a good idea at the time. And as tomorrow I'm going to the rugby with M and P and R, with all that entails plus maybe a trip to the BCC quiz, an early night maybe isn't a bad idea.

Another v hot day today, but not in our super-cooled aircon office. Remember G4's red hot warehouse environment?! Nothing much to report on that front.
Went to see R's tonight as they are off to Florida tomorrow. Well they actually go on Saturday but are driving up to Manchester tomorrow to stay in a hotel near the airport over night. Felt quite sad walking away from their house after saying goodbyes to them all. I can often go the best part of a week without speaking to S and the boys, but now they are to be thousands of miles away for over a fortnight it made me feel very alone. Even if you don't speak to people for a few days its comforting to know that they are there at the end of the phone or just a few minutes away and now they're not its a a bit scary!

Another dull day at work and another hot day. Not much else to report there.
Tonight went to town with P and P to watch Ian in the skittles individuals. Unfortunately, he didn't really get going and failed to get through to the last 8, which was a shame as he got through to the last 16 as the top score. After we had a quick drink in the YM before biking home.

Back at work and it went okay really. Struggled to get up after 4 lie-ines tho. All the big-wigs are away in Amsterdam this week so Y and I had to put up with K alone! She was a pain as usual! I was quite busy, had a bit to catch up on so that was good.
Lovely sunny day today so after I'd had some tea I went out on the bike again. I probably should have gone out before eating but I was hungry and I wanted to wait until it had cooled a little. I went over the level crossing, turned right, over the lights at the Queens Head, thru 7 bends, right at the end, off the main road at the second Treddington turn, thru Tred, Fiddington and back into Northway by the station. Took me just over 50 minutes so at my reckoning that will be about 15 miles, maybe a little less but even so thats about 70 miles I've done in 5 days! The best part of tonight's route was the narrow lanes from the main road down to Tredington. There are a couple of places where the view is straight across the valley to the Malverns. The sun was shining hazily and the hills were a dark silhouette and the orangey sunset sky. Fantastic. Yes cycling can be hard on the legs and bum as P would insist but when you have a backdrop like that to look at it makes everything worthwhile. Just for a few moments it felt great to be alive and nothing mattered. I don't think I'm going to be the next Lance Armstrong or even the next PR but I am definitely going to do be doing a lot more cycling this spring and summer. When I got home and sat outside with my book and a drink, I started having fantasies about cycling holidays or huge charity expeditions! At work I speak with people at two different places in Italy, one in Czech Republic, one in France, one in Holland etc...wouldn't some kind of marathon jaunt around them all be great! Or maybe take a train between them all and cycle round their towns and have an evening drink and dinner with the folks before moving on.... is that a little more realistic? Probably not!
Just to bring me down to reality, Y called me at 9ish, for more "older brotherly advice" as she calls it. She has got wind that her dad may have something very bad wrong with him, what should she do? What do I know? What can I say? Of course I tried to sound sympathetic and offer decent advice, but I'm not sure what good I was. Maybe just being there to listen helps?

Another day off work. Weather was ok so I got the bike out again and biked to Cheltenham. I went the back lanes - Fiddington, Tredington, Hardwicke etc. Bought a bike lock in Aldi and a wrap in M and S and then came home again, this time via Swindon village and Cleeve. Took me 15 minutes longer to get home, I expect I was a bit slower but that route must be longer! Other than that excursion and exertion I did sod all today. Did some ironing while watching No Country for old men on dvd tonight. It won 4 Oscars but I wasn't overly impressed. Lots of suspense, gore and violence.

Sunday. Thought about getting my bike out but all day it either rained or threatened it. So instead I did some housework, including mopping the kitchen floor, woo hoo! And I had my highest ever Pac man score - 600 and something thousand. I cant remember exactly how much, does it matter? But the real highlight of the day - Glos won away at Wasps 25-17. A fantastic win and one that guarantees Glos a home play-off. Maybe this year?
Tonight, S and P, P and S and E and I went to the K. Head at Cleeve to see Boys band. Was pretty good, maybe not as good as last time, they started late and finished late and by then the pub seemed to be a bit full of 'all day drinkers', the atmos a bit 'aggresive'. Good fun tho, nice to go out with E, but again things felt a little awkward. Perhaps they always will. And should they? Bottom line we've be finished 3 months so should we be going out to events as if we're a couple? Everytime we plan something it seems like a good idea but when I get home I always have a sinking feeling that maybe it wasn't so clever. But until I have someone to take her place, someone to share these things with, someone who likes the things I do, what can I do?!

A much quiete day. Didn't get up until after miday, couldn't be bothered! Rest of the day I did some housework, vacuuming and washing and went food shopping at Morrisons. A's car was in the car park but I couldn't see her inside. I text to ask where she was and she replied about 10 minutes later to say it was her car and she was now back home - not sure how I managed to miss her? Tonight went to Wheats with Reevies. Was ok, kids annoyed me a bit to be honest, geting a bit p'd off with their manners. I called J a little shit, which of course is wrong but as I said, the attitude he shows to me isn't acceptable. Among other things, I was talking and he told me to shut up. I'm not taking that from a 9 year, sorry. So after that I was back home by 8 and just sat watching crap tv.

A day off work and a nice one it was too. I drove to Evesham, having a big fat breakfast at P's on the way. Then at Evesham I pottered about and had a Costa coffee, reading a book. Dashed back to Tewks at 1 and met A (and E) at Elm Lodge. Had a drink and some nibbles for a couple of hours, which was v pleasant of course. Back home by 3 and as the weather was pretty decent I decided to bike to my dads. Hard work but enjoyable. Tonight went out on bike again, with P and P. We went to the Star at Ashton which was a bit further than we thought, almost 10 miles. We had a pint there then stopped at Beckford Club, Yew Tree at Conderton and The Crown at Kemerton on the way back. Hardish work on the bike but a nice evening going to four different places and having a chat about stuff at the pubs. A good change from going to the YM and just playing snooker or watching sport. Spect my legs will ache in the morning!

A long day at work but then thats usually the case when one is about to start four days off. Which I am. Hooray! K was a pain today, p'd Y off big time, don't envy her with her tomorrow.
Went to Upton to give blood tonight. That came round quick, the last time was February 4th - the day after E left me. She went that time but was advised not to give again for a while as for the second time in a row she felt dodgy afterwards. Not that I would have asked her tonight. She is coming out with me and S and P on sunday night and I dont want to feel like I'm over-inviting her!
The evening was lovely in Upton, sky had totally cleared and a warm spring sun shone out of a blue sky. I had a little stroll along the front after blood and if there is a better place in the world than Upton on sunny evening then i have certainly never been there. I text A to tell her but her life isn't intwined with mine so she wouldn't get it. I said to her that I love this town, especially on evenings like this and that my soul will live here for ever. it wil. Went to P's tonight as S went out. We drank some beer and ended up watching Fiels of Dreams. We both love that film. P had tears in his eyes more than once. He said he just finds it really emotional.
So, as above, a day off work for me tomorrow. I'm going to go to Evesham in the morning for a potter and then back to Tewks to meet my number one mother and daughter pairing for lunch. Looking forward to that of course.

Lots of rain again today. Dull day at work but last day tomorrow until Tuesday. Popped to R's tonight and that was about it.

Absolutely nothing to report as the down slope from my birthday continues. Had a few e-mails from A, E and J but not much, certainly nowhere near enough to keep boredom away! Poured with rain this afternoon and evening so spent the night fannying about here and in front of this. Made an E photo slideshow set to music. All her/our greatest moments. I'd like to burn it to DVD and give it to her but I wouldn't want her to take it the wrong way, it might make her sad and I dunno sort of resentful. She did say weeks and weeks ago that she'd like to copy off here all the good photo's, so maybe it would prompt her to do so. Clearly I am very different to her but I'd defnitely want all the photo's from the last 5 years.

Bit of a nothing day after all the excitement and comings and goings of the weekend. Work was dull, I bought cakes as its the expected thing. Rained heavily this afternoon but by 6 it had brightened up so I had a 2 mile stroll to the end of the 'level crossing road' and back. Stayed in in front of the TV tonight, watched Angels beat Detroit 6-2 in the baseball I recorded last night. A good result for the Angels, to round off my birthday nicely! I even did some ironing while watching it.

So that's my birthday done for another year then. And all things being equal, it wasn't a bad one really. I got up about 9.30ish, opened my presents, from S's lot and E plus money from D and H, my nan, aunty P and v unexpectantly, a 25 pound voucher from E's mum (and dad) V naughty! I called her this afternoon and told her off! I said that come the next event at B she better make sure I am on the helping roster! Went over to Glos this morning and watched M's rugby with J and C, followed by a drink in the rugby club and a coffee back at theirs. Was a very pleasant few hours. It was meant to rain today but it was so warm at the rugby that I ended up with a red face and neck!
Saw E again today as she left her car here last night and came to collect it this afternoon. We seem to be getting on very well which after nearly 3 months is all a bit weird really. In fact - doing a stato count up, counting from the day we broke up until my birthday (today!) is the same number of days we spent travelling in the US in 2006..
Had dinner and a few hours at S's before going for a few games of snooker with P and P tonight. I didn't win any games but we had a few beers and a nice time. Came to bed at 11 ish and watched the clock tick over past 12 before I wrote this. So, as I started, thats my birthday over for another year, and it was pretty good really. I saw and spent time with all the people that matter and thats about the best you can hope for at 43!

Went for a bike ride with P late this afternoon and it was hard work. We did 'only' 23 miles but went up near Prescott and there were some steep hills! And the warm sun didn't help.
Tonight we all went to The Ketch and had a carvery meal. Was yum. E came too. She picked me up and brought me a present which was very kind and a bit unexpected. Got back home later this evening with presents from S's lot and put them with the present from E and the 11 cards I have received and started to feel a bit glum. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and its my birthday and its lovely to have cards and presents but there will be no one here to share the moment with. I probably shouldn't have but I sent E a text and told her that I'd miss her in the morning

Well thats one down, um 3 ish to go. Had a visit from A and E - or the JM as we call her, Jaffa Monster! And they brought a card and a double pack of said jaffa's. Not that I got a look in, that girl could scoff jaffa's for England. But she is so cute and affectionate and she is the spit of her mother. Its really disconcerting when she clambers across me, hugs me, kisses my cheek and then looks into my eyes with those huge but miniature versions of her mothers lovely eyes.
Sunny day today, so after they had gone I went into town and then had lunch in the garden. The world is such a better place when the sun shines.

10 hours writing up Fridays entry - oops. Very quiet day at work, all bosses and PITA people missing, even Y had the afternoon off. Went out with D and H tonight to a quiz at the golf place where H works on weekends. Was a reasoably pleasant evening, we were joint first at half way but faded in the second half and only managed 4th. Always nice to win but it didn't matter that much. Bit scary in the car, they both drive like old people, which I suppose in D's case he is. All slow when should be fast and fast when should be slow! Nice of them to take me out though and I did provide some decent answers so not in vain.