these are the best days of our lives

 Or destruction, im not really sure, although at this point.. those two words have more in common then i thought. ^.^ I started working on my chair today, i dont want to bring it in to art yet though, because no one else will get what im doing, i mean right now im tapeing cardboard to a chair.. yes it looks like a work in progress, but open minds, right? Any ways, its just that i wanted a certain shape, and its hard to come by so im going to construct part of  it myself. i wanted to do that from the start but i wasn't sure, but the worst is my paper mache wont work and i'll just have to do somthing else, then i can say i tried. Anyways its going good so far. I'm just uncertain to weather it will be strong enough, we'll see. ITs only the back of my chair that needs the construction, Not the actual chair.  

I started a new book today, The Outsiders, I heard it was good, and i know theres a movie on it. Vittoria told me that it was exactly like the book, and that is rare. 

Where Doing a One act in my theater class, well all the theater one classes, i got two parts since there medium /small parts, Where doing "Twinderella" and im the Enchanted Gerbil .. Shirley, i know lovely right, and then i am Esmerelda, Cinderellas mean step sister, excuse me i meant evil. She hates when i say any adjective other then Evil .  

This morning seemed to start late, and end soon simply because i woke up late agian, and agian i only had five minuetes to get ready because sam was picking me up, well his mom. However to my advantage i had a dream about what i wanted to wear today, seems like i knew i would wake up late in my sleep. I like when that happens, because then i dont have to ponder about it, or try to find somthing, i know just what i want. 

 when school finally let out, so it seemed to last forever thanks to my rather difficult Algerbra 2 SOL. Theres not even a point in saying how i think i did. So when that bell rang as usual, i made my run for it, oh sweet freedom. I met up with hunter and hitched a ride on his moms pimped ride, actually She drives the school bus, but close enough. Our mission was directed at good will for finding an appropriate formal outfit for Hunter. He needs it for The ITS inductions, i Would like to go to because i like formal events a lot, and i would like to be there so i can support my friends and watch them give their speeches or monologues. It sounds fun, but then again i would feel a little out of place since I am not being inducted, Then again People will have their parents there.

And then vittoria Called me, and I was distracted from finishing this post. 

 I stayed home from school today, i didn't feel good, as much as i wanted to go to ITS inductions, my want to not go to school was stronger, so here i am .  I got up at like 12.. and then for some reason i had the urge to watch Fullmetal Alchemist all day, so i did.. and i planned on working on my chair.. thats why i had to stop and take a break i got to episode 13 i think. I like it so far, but shouldnt that be obvious since i watched it all day ? 

Thinking of Anime, Im excited for AMA since i  gave rose money for my ticket so she can give it to the people were going with. I want vittoria to meet Ed. haha then she can see why i think he's so adorable. 

i just wanted to get some things straight, because i was thinking about the stuff i have posted about Vittoria before and from the begining of the year most of them were pretty mean, well not mean but harsh or something.  I love vittoria, I had my issues, but i only really would talk about the things that  bothered me, and they only bothered me because of bad timing and the fact that it was vittoria, and i hated myself for it, but with the time that had passed, i have missed  her lots, and i feel over what has been said, I mean i never wanted to talk bad about her because she was my best friend, it was just i had an impression that she did too, so from that point i exploded, every small thing, even if it didnt matter or didnt make any sense because at the time, like most things it made sense then, and because i was raged. SO for the record, vittorias not some horrible person, infact shes my favorite person alive right now, and has been for a very long time, regardless of everything i have said. I think alot of it, went back to 8th grade because i was so jealous of her, But not because she was who she was, but because i felt like no one cared who i was other then "vittoria's best friend" i went where vittoria did, and when i went out with omar, He always liked her so much more, and he was the one person who i wanted to like me. Probally because he was my boyfriend, but as he so obviously wanted to be with vittoria, he was with me, and what else was i to think other then, he was only with me because i was the closest thing he could have to vittoria, or so thats how i felt, and i just blamed vittoria because i was so sure that it was her fault that omar liked her, like she was flirting with him all the time or something, but that was just me, yes she flirts but thats her personality, it was how she treated everyone. I still knew that only Omar was responsible for the way he felt, i just wished it wasn't like that, i was not mad at all by our break up but believed because i was so confused, he siad he loved me, and that might have been but i still did not understand why he loved me so much when he so clearly had a thing for vittoria, the way he would just look at her, but i always promised myself it was just me, being a jealous girlfriend...which was funny because i dont get jealous easily. So though this is all very well in the past I just found it going through my head, as an explination for alot of my anger twords vittoria, which is so far away from me now.  

"Il make it easy. I will call  child services for you. What time is good for you to meet with them ? I told Michelle That you Dont want to pay for anything this weekend, So she needs to Stay with me. When Am i getting Half for Jess braces back Since you say i dont pay for her ?" 

I got that in a text message just now from my mom.  I'm confused as to why she sent it, im not sure what it is, but i think its a message to her from my dad ?  Who knows, right now there lastest arguent is about custody, they were trying this every other weekend thing, but that Didnt really work since every other weekend would be unconvienent for my mom, and then she finally realized that im always gone on weekends. and when im not she is. So that did not go to well, Now there pulling this im not gonna pay for jessica then because you dont want to pay for michelle when she comes, i know where that came from. Jessica, every time i go down there, like if they go to fast food and im in the car.. Jessica will tell me i can not have anything unless i pay.. and im like.. shes my mom to, and you are not my mom, if she doesn't want to pay for me then fine but you don't need to tell me. So i am sure jessica has been ranting on about how dad doesn't pay for her, however can you blame him, she never goes to see him so how would he by her food if she doesn't ever visit? Not that that is true either, because for the first time in a long time she came here while i was over there, i was mad when i got back because she had unplugged my computer speakers, i am not sure why, but she should have left every thing how she found it, i really do not like it when people get in my space, like i feel like there finding out about me, when i don't want them too, like my room is some sort of Display journal, and i dont like it, this is my space. And Now my mom just told me that my dad says were moving back in? I don't know, i think i would actually like it alot, because then my mom and dad could try and be happy agian, and i would see jason alot more, i forgot how much i missed him. They wouldnt have to fight about who see's who when, and it would just be nice. However at the same time it would not be, My freshman year was so fucked up, because Of how everything was, and i hate jessica, so much because she has no sense, She thinks she does, she really believes it too, but in all honesty she doesnt, not even close.  I miss the space, i hate the noise. I miss my brother, I hate jessica. 

My dad says he didnt say that, were moving back in, he said somthing else, like "oh well i bet you would love for me and michelle to move back in and somthing about money or blah blah "  So great now my moms gonna get her hopes up for nothing, actually i think she's in one of her moods agian, I can always tell when she's texting me, or sending me things my dad says, exactly, trying to get my involved in a place where i do not belong.  now that i have wasted my time on those thoughts.. i also have another "for the record" kind of thing  

Is about the reason i am a vegitarien, i do not think Meat is wrong in any way, its like a food chain, people eat animals, its just how things are, as a lion eats its prey. I just think some of the ways we put animals down is wrong, but that still doesnt mess with what i eat. i dont eat meat simply for the reason a .... Bunny wouldn't. It Isn't for me,Its my choice of diet, my interest, i dont like thinking about what i am eating, when it comes to meat, or how easy u have it, how i got this just because i bought it, or something. Anyways thats all. 

A bulliten omar posted on myspace, for everyone to read. 

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flyingearlobe00??7:?? in all honesty

flyingearlobe00??7:?? i dont really care.

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? you dotn care

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? XD

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? i know

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? your so bamf

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? not giving a fuck

flyingearlobe00??7:?? i care about other things..

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? cell phon

flyingearlobe00??7:?? okay. sure. 

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? XD

flyingearlobe00??7:?? i was kinda talking about caring about theatre and such, since i just got inducted into ITS tonight, but you know, other random pointless things work too

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? congrats

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? now you're just a little more important then you were

flyingearlobe00??7:?? okay omar. this is why i dont talk to you.

flyingearlobe00??7:?? go be fucking depressed and leave me alone

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? XD haha

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? im

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? just doin it

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? to piss you off

flyingearlobe00??7:?? sure. whatever. i hate talking to you. goodbuye

--- flyingearlobe00??7 has signed off and will receive your IMs when signing back in.

q12oikm03t592w2??3:?? txt me bby







hehe

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So what does this mean ? that he's going all hypocritical, cause from what i remember He was the one who siad we were shallow, who didnt understand why people make people mad just because they can, Isn't he sopposed to be the all and inspirational ? I would hate to let him see how it effected me because thats what he wants, is for vittoria to get mad, and i might just be a bonus, Hunter P and omar both just want to make vittoria mad, and its Such a waste of emotion, but how can we help our selves from feeling? I just didnt see the point in posting it as a bulliten, to make it into a show.. SO people really give a fuck ? I feel like he only did it as if he wants people to Think as vittoria as some bitch when really he is only making himself look like a total dick .  Is that really how low you have sunken? To wear you can only find pleasure through Some one elses anger? thats pretty damn low, but i mean hey! at lest you are entertained. Besides that it just bothers me because omar is always preeching on and on about everyone thinking on higher levels and much better the world would be, How nothing matters, and people just do things for no reason, why people make fun of others for no reason, and how thats just pointless.. well what is that? right there? Like how can you preech about somthing you certainly do not fully believe, when your really just like everyone else, all those people that you see as "shallow" and "stupid" right? Dont let me stop you. 

Thinking about omar, i really do think he felt they way abotu everything he siad in that conversation with him and sam, i forgive sam for it because i just agreed, yes i was disapointed. Omar however siad it was all out of rage, how you say things you dont mean when your mad and i get that, but those thoughts come from some where, so they have obviously crossed his mind, and i know no matter the cover he tries to pull he thinks were all shallow, shallow and stuck up and are hiding in out own little bubble, but what i dont understand is if where in this bubble, full of all these shallow emotions then why would he even dream of breaching it? Wouldnt he keep as much distance from our so called bubbled if he was really over vittoria, and if he really hated us all so much? And most of all if he was really over vittoria .. then why does the anger please him. I think He has twisted his emotions into the easiest ones to feel, and to me that is anger, He did still like vittoria but its like he had just transformed any feelings left for her, But no, that does not mean he is over her. It just means he's is caught up in a different sense. Ugh. To think name calling is not shallow enough .