what is it i really dnt deserve to be happy? hes wat i want. why cant i jus be with him and be happy? sounds simple right? ive known this for a long time now.. i lose either way... whether im with him or not im nvr gna be happy. hes nvr gna giv me happiness.. hes nva gna do anything for me.

all the things i did for him. and this is still wat i get.. i jus wanted him to love me.. if he couldnt do that.. cant he atleast be sorry for al the broked promises he made? cant he atleast be sorry for wat he did to me.? i just want him to make it up to me. i just want someone to make it up to me. i want someone to take all this pain away from me. . 'ther is nobody.ive only got myself to make myself okay.i dnt even have myself anymore. he took that away from me.. i gave myself completely to him... wat do i do now. all ive got is this pain.. nothing else. no mind. no sense of reality to make myself okay again. no friend. no family. no self. nothin to help make it go awaywat do i do now .. all ive got is this pain. and nothin else ..

all the things i did for him. and this is still wat i get.. i jus wanted him to love me.. if he couldnt do that.. cant he atleast be sorry for al the broked promises he made? cant he atleast be sorry for wat he did to me.? i just want him to make it up to me. i just want someone to make it up to me. i want someone to take all this pain away from me. . 'ther is nobody.ive only got myself to make myself okay.i dnt even have myself anymore. he took that away from me.. i gave myself completely to him... wat do i do now. all ive got is this pain.. nothing else. no mind. no sense of reality to make myself okay again. no friend. no family. no self. nothin to help make it go awaywat do i do now .. all ive got is this pain. and nothin else ..

im scared. he will call back hes angry right now. but hes not sick of it yet. but hes cheating for sure...

am i really that bad of a person that i deserve this? ive had it! he thinks i told everybody that we broke up. wen i didnt even tell anybody! i knew it was ivan telling him stuff but really.. how will ivan know anything and if he did say jus to say it.. how can james believe ivan?! im not even cool with him. i dont have anyone to talk to...im alone... and im still doing wrong?! u know wat its not even me. hes the one who wants this... i aasked ivan ivan sed james was sayin that me and jelly were sleepn over at his house and jelly is right next to him... ivan sed all he sed was "yea rite" i dnt kno who to beleiv..... somethin in ivans story doesnt make sense but in a way i still believe him.. bc ivan sed james sed hes the one that dumped me. how can he go from me and jelly sleepn over to him dumpn me.. unless ivan is the one that sed somehting IVE HAD it!!! whether james wants this or not!!! this is it!!! james doesnt treat me right anyways. i deserve way better i dnt need to feel like this anymore. i dnt need to be hurt anymore. i dnt need to be confused anymore im done!!! plus hes such a liar too .. james.. i kno he ignores me just to see other girls im so done wit it!!! im soooo done!!!!!! pls lord help me get over this help me help me help me.....

is this really the right thing to do? i deserve better. he cant jus come on his schedul. why doesnt he make time for me. its over this time. hes not sad at all. and im so miserable its not fair. he doesnt even care. dnt worry. jus one more time for me to get hurt and no more. i have many sins. such as taming my tongue. quick to listen slow to speak and slow to become angry is how i should be. i should not swear by heaven god or anything else. no boasting about tomoro. we dont kno wat will happend tomoro we should say instead it the Lord allows i will live and do this or do that... thats what i should focus on.. not losing a james. a temptation given by evil not by god. desire leads to sins which leads to death. im done with him. dear god for a little while now ive treated him as my God. i kno thats the biggest sin of all. i worshippd him. sacrificed for him. done everything for him. help me lord to stay away and help me to get my heart right and loveyou. i need to stay away from evil. help me lord... hes rly not calling me tonight. good i guess. its rly over and it needs to be.

so here i am. again. same song second verse.. no not second.. the like the 50th time.Dear God.why am i always hurt. when are things going to get better for me and james. why do you keep making me feel like this. why dont u even care wen im sad. hes never gna make me happy.im tired already im tired of waiting for him to love me back tired of being doubted tired of being ignored all the time. im not perfect. but atleast i try to change. atleast hes not tired of me making the same mistakes. i know u cant change anyone. but isnt it. if u love someone ud change ur mistakes not for them but to make a better relationship .. for both..? how am i gna love again?

how do u stop loving someone. how can u jus let go. just let go something u worked so hard for. something u sacrificed everything for.

i cant sleep.. is it really going to be over?.. it has to be over.. hes never gonna learn. if he doesnt come back.. thats fine. i just hope the best for him.. i hope he learns and treats the next girl better. if he does come back. dear God pls let me him good now. let me be truly happy with him. otherwise.. id rather be feel incomplete and content alone than be complete and miserable with him. pls God let him see wat he is doing to me. pls God help me to let go of the hurt he caused me before. pls God let him learn. and let me learn also.. im so tired already. how do i get my mind off this and take care of jelly.

love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

im tired of being talkd down to.. why cant he treat me like a precious gem. like a princess.. make me feel good. but instead im treatd like dirt. acts like im nobody.. is he that insecure?! just because my phone died and he couldnt get a hold of me for a few hours he thinks im doing something bad? how can i when jelly is right here.. i cant have anyone over bc my dads wife... plus ive ben so good to him.. HES the one who cheated on me and i took it all. i never once had intention to hurt him back. thats how true love is.. but im tired now. im tired of taking it all. how can i love someone that calls me names.. u cant call someone names out of anger.. if u love someone u wouldnt do that to them.. thats the thing. he says he loves me.. i know now that its not true. im just a fool for believin it.. actions speak louder than words.. why am i so beleiving.. i love him.. so much that i forgot to love myself. and thats noones fault but mine. i let him go already tonight. i hope its for sure.. im soo tired of being hurt. tired of crying. tired of having an empty feeling inside. tired of having noone ther for me. if anything thats wat i learned. uve got urself and urself only.. family and friends.. only for a while. but the way i am.. u cant go to them anymore. i put up with this tooo long now...i learned that he can never take care of me.. financially, physically, and most importantly for me.. emotionaly.. am i emotionally weak that i need someone ther and keep doin this to myself js for a few hours with him... or am i strong that i put up with soo much for so long?