Thu, 17 Sep 2009

11:04 AM - i NEED to get out of here

 


so. my life is really starting to piss me off. everybody hates me, including myself, and especially my parents. seriously?? what tha fuck!? the only people who are designed to love you, the people who created you, hate you guts. can you picture that? well i fucking can. all my parents do is punish me for stuff i wanna do that they couldnt do when they were my age. 16 is so fucked up. its no wonder teen suicide is at an all time high. if everyones parents were like mine i would want to kiil myself too! fuck! they just grounded me for a month because i wanted to quit band! i mean come on! its my fucking decision! instead i haf to stay in band for another month, until marching season is over, and i cant go anywhere except for band practice outside of school. are they trying to control my life? first im robbed of my childhood, and now im their little minion that has to every last thing they say? compared to most of the dirt bag fuck heads at my school, im a pretty decent child any parent would be glad to have! fuck! if they only knew how much i hated them. so i came upstairs cuz i guess there was something on the news about a player fer the colts, my fave NFL team and then my step-mom was all "we need to talk about this band thing" cuz ive been skipping rehersal cuz i dont wanna be in band anymore. i skip morning practice, i skip after school practice, the only time i do go do band is first period and only because its on my schedule. before and after school aren't. all i want to do is quit band! why are they making this so difficult? long story short, i got grounded for a month...all because i dont want to do something ive been doin for six years anymore. i gaurantee if they wanted to quit something, like their job, theyd do it no questions asked. so why are they making this so difficult for me? "to taech me resposibility. SUCK MY FUCKNG DICK! respinsibility my ass. they just want me busy doing something "productive" so they dont have to keep the much unwanted eye of a fucking hawk on me. honestly? what the fuck am i gonna do? light the cat on fire? im not a fucking little demon child. ima fucking angel. and im one of those few people who tend to cry when they get really fucking pissed off, so right in the middle of my sentencing, i decided it was time to leave cuz i didnt want to fucking listen to them anymore or i was literally going to strangle my step-mom, so i went into the bathroom and took a shower. well some might call it that, but all it really was was me standing in hot water really pissed and crying, and tryingto decide wheather or not i should run away now, or in the next month. all i fucking wanted was to quit band. now everyone from the band director, to my parents hate me. why couldnt i just skip 16 years old, and go right on to, oh i dont know, OUT OF THIS FUCKING SHIT HOLE OF A TOWN?? no i take that back. THE WHOLE FUCKING STATE. they can plan on never seeing me again for christmas.

            and i still have to wait until i graduate til this shit's over?

that........

631 days.

15,144 hours.

908,640 minutes.

54,518,400 seconds.

 

does anyone know how much it costs to get emancipated?get back to me one that one.

 

im not even going to bother signing this one.

location: Home
music: death breath - bring me the horizon

()

Fri, 11 Sep 2009

9:03 AM - homecomeing 2009

^^ so i totally feel like a creeper. im goin to homecoming with a freshman, and ima junior. oh well. he's such a cutie!! at the football game last night fer muh high school he actually let muh bffl kelsey go up to him and squeeze his cheeks and make a funny noise. it was halarious!! and adorable!! XD i loved it!!

()

Tue, 1 Sep 2009

11:08 AM - about me

 


            so....my name is peyton. im 16 and i live in iowa....where the corn is. seriously...its everywhere. my back yard is a corn field. which kinda sucks cuz corn fields are one of my top 5 biggest fears. i go to east high. im a huge band geek...not gonna lie. i love it. i tend to be really competitive at marching competitions and footballs games although i dont really think of myself as the competitive type. i always speel check everything i type or write at least three times cuz im slightly dyslexic, and i get my numbers and letters mixed up a lot....no big deal, its just kinda annoying sometimes.

 

            i'd do anything for my friends. my best friend's name is kelsey. she been muh bff since i was in eighth grade and i love her to death, so if u mess with her i'll fuck you up. (i love you girl!!) i'm not the kind of person who get into fights but i can defend myself...to an extent. so if u come up to me and punch me ninja hard i'll be confused and i prolly wont retaliate unless you piss me off. sometimes i tend to cry for no apperent reason, but only in privacy, never in public. i blog...a lot. its the only way to prevent myself from having a dramatic break down. i have a blog here on myspace, and at justjournal.com.....they are public so feel free to read them...just dont get pissed at me fer something i say, cuz its ur choice to read it or not.

           

            i love music. music is my life. without it i would've been extinct years ago. i like rock...most kinds. classic, alternative, new wave, techno, crunk, screamo, metal, indie....etc. most of my fav bands (in kinda alphebetical order) are :

            3OH!3/ 311/ 3 grams over an ounce/ 3 doors down/ 3 inches of blood/ 10 years/ 30 seconds to mars/ as tall as lions/ AC-DC/ the academy is.../ accept/ action action/ AFI/ the ataris/ age of days/ anti-flag/ the agony scene/ aiden/ alesana/ alexisonfire/ alice cooper/ alkaline Trio/ all american rejects/ the almost/ all that remains/ all time low/ anberlin/ angels & airwaves/ the announced/ apocalyptica/ arctic monkeys/ armsbendback/ as i lay dying/ a place to bury strangers/ at all costs/ atreyu/ the A-oks/ anarbor/ the autumn offering/ the audition/ avenged sevenfold/ arise and ruin/ a day to remember/ a hero a fake/ apollo 1/ attack! attack!/ burning bright/ the bouncing souls/ bullet for my valentine/ blink 182/ burn halo/ breathe carolina/ big D and the kids table/ boys like girls/ the black maria/ bayside/ broadway kills/ billy tallent/ built to spill/ breaking benjamin/ BrokeNCYDE/ the break/ bronx/ bring me the horizion/ bad brains/ bury your dead/ blood for blood/ billy idol/ black strobe/ beneath the sky/ the blackout/ between the buried and me/ buckcherry/ canible corpse/ catch 22/ candel box/ chromeo/ carolina liar/ cobra starship/ code seven/ chevelle/ comeback kid/ cash cash/ chiodos/ carnifax/ cursive/ cute is what we aim for/ crooked x/ dead to fall/ deterrance/ dropdead gorgeous/ depeche mode/ darkest hour/ dance gavin dance/ dear and the headlights/ disengage /drowning pool the dwights/ dillinger escape plan/ dropping daylight/ darling articles/ dashboard confessional/ Dr.Acula/ the devil wears prada/ daughry/ david cook/ death cab for cutie/ defult/ driverside impact/ the eagles/ evergreen terrace/ emery/ eatmewhileimhot/ extreme carlos/ electrashine/ escape the fate/ everclear/ emmure/ every avenue/ the fear reunion/ far/ four letter lie/ fast food kings/ farewell to freeway/ the forcast/ framing hanley/ the flatliners/ the faint/ the fluid/ from first to last/ the flood/ fatter than albert/ feel the water rise/ finger eleven/ five finger death punch/ franz ferdinand/ the fray/ freya/ freygolo/ forever the sickest kids/ funeral for a friend/ flogging molly/ good charlotte/ glasseater/ gatsby's american dream/ grady/ godsmack/ gorillaz/ green day/ gym class heroes/ haste the day/ hawthorne heights/ hollywood undead/ hey monday/ heavy heavy, low low/ halifax/ hell hath no fury/ hit the lights/ hoobastank/ heat machine/ hopesfall/ the hurt process/ hinder/ hellogoodbye/ hate breed/ interpol/ it dies today/ i set my friends on fire/ in flames/ ivorylane/ job for a cowboy jet black stare/ the junior varsity/ june/ jefree star/ jimi hendrix/ john lennon/ john legend/ journey/ jamies elsewhere/ jimmy eats world/ kiss/ knock out/ killswitch engage/ kings of leon/ kickback/ lola ray/ lostprophets/ living color/ l.i.t./ leo/ led zeppelin/ LOVEHATEHERO/ life house/ left alone/ limp bizkit/ less than jake/ lincon park/ machine head/ my darkest days/ mest/ meg & dia/ murder majesty/ middle finger salute/ murderland/ the maine/ melee/ madina lake/ my chemical romance/ mint 6 ten/ madcap/ the metronome theives/ mayday pardade/ motley crue/ mignight to 12/ meese/ metro station/ nevershoutnever/ nine inch nails/ NOFX/ nodes of ranvier/ no address/ norma jean/ nirvana/ naked 8/ number one fan/ the oddjobs/ oasis/ opeth/ owl city/ Owen's grudge/ the offspring/ a perfect murder/ powerman 5000/ panic! the the disco/ punchline/ potatoe pirates/ the plain white t's/ papa roach/ pour habit/ the path of resistance/ paramore/ P.O.S./ pink floyd/ puddle of mudd/ queen/ quiet riot/ the red chord/ ram jam/ the red hot chile peppers/ rise against/ the red affair/ the reverand Peyton's big damn band/ refused/ red jumpsuit apparatus/ race the sun/ rooney/ the recieving end of sirens/ roses are red/ reaching your end/ royal bliss/ ringworm/ shadows fall/ the show down/ simple plan/ silver chair/ shinedown/ saving abel/ sinai beach/ sing it loud/ streetlight manifesto/ smoking popes/ STP/ saosin/ sherwood/ saliva/ silvertide/ sixx a.m./ steve miller band/ still remains/ shallow bay/ system of a down/ scars of tomorrow/ smile empty soul/ slow nerve action/ static x/ seven dust/ silverstein/ spitalfield/ strung out/ sugar cult/ sum 41/ simply waiting/ silversun pickups/ shiny toy guns/ secondhand seranade/ skyeatsairplane/ a skylit drive/ straylight run/ staind/ sacncity/ the sleeping/ seether/ still remains/ a static lullaby/ story of the year/ sew intricate/ sail by the stars/ slipknot/ the scenic/ synthetic elements/ sistersun/ the skuids/ the tide/ the tossers/ thieves & villains/ taking back sunday/ tokyo police club/ t.v. on the radio/ therefore i am/ three days grace/ therapist in the ambulence/ trivium/ throwdown/ there for tomorrow/ tool/ tokio hotel/ thornley/ TheoryOfADeadMan/ trapt/ TAT/ thousand foot krutch/ thursday/ tatu/ this is me smiling/ terminal/ underoath/ the used/ underminded/ velvet revolver/ voodoo glowskulls/ vanna/ willis/ warzone/ waterdown/ the white stripes/ we the kings/ white chapel/ with honor/ westbound train/ when sparks fly/ the white tie affair/ within the ruins/ we are the union/ wolfmother/ wretched/ x factor 1/ your day strong/ you me at six/

zamar/

>>if theres a band u know that i havent listed...just ask if i like them and ill tell u if ive heard of them or not.<<

so as you can see i like a lot of bands, but i HATE metalica, disturbed, and fall out boy. first off...every single song metalica & disturbed put out sound exactly the same. & as fer fob....well...there's just not that much to say bout them. pretty much all their songs say are "oh, yeah, we know we suck & we're sell-outs but dont hate us." its pathetic. so dont hate me cuz i hate them. you'll get over it.

           

            now...sports. vollyball, swimming, track, "cross-country", softball..really? gay. golf..come on seriously? thats a sprot? stupid. ok, tenis...borderline. baseball..thats a sport, but where's the physical contact dude?! i wanna see dirty, bloody, pissed off guys! football. now theres a sport. when it comes to football ima colts fan no matter what. so much so that i want to have peyton manning's children...but im sure im not the only one.. the guy's a beast, am i right? and hes not the only reason i like the colts. they're an amazing team. so i have the same name as the QB...they'll still be the #1 team in my heart long after peyton's gone. sure there's other sports with physical contact but i hate them. hockey...might as well call it "crazy white dudes bored & beating the shit outta other crazy white dudes all while skating on ice at the same time." not impressive. and bull-riding...just a funner excuse for going to the hospital. retarded. -->oh, hey, johnny! oh? you want me to come ride bulls wif you? on thanks, i'll pass. i like to lay under a steem roller when i get the fuck crushed outta my skull. you go have fun tho.<--

           

            food. besides beliemics & anorexics, who doesnt like food? when it comes to food i dont get very exotic. i like chinese, mexican, italian, and good ol' fast food. i think its funny when a fast food place says they're not a fast food place...like wendy's. ok...if your establishment has an almost 24 hour drive thru..your fast food. i dont care what you think.

           

            i may be 16 but im a kid @ heart. example. for my sweet 16 kels & i had a double party. evreyone had to wear togas, & our cake was awesome!! her half was sesame street, and mine was TMNT. & fer her present i got her a spider-man back pack & two transformers toys. my bed says "iRock" in the iPod font. & my room is colts blue wif the bottom foot of the wall covered in a fb field border. my posters range from pics of peyton & eli manning, to twilight, to transformers, to bands i like. i have a small pink lamp in the corner to signify my "femine-ness", other wise my room could easily be mistaken for a 11 year old boys. my room isnt messy, but cluttered. i have too much stuff. within a couple of months my locker will be about the same. somehow i always winde up having like 5 jackets in there...at the least.

 

            i dont believe in love but ive been in love at least twice, once fer sure. ive never really liked dating people, mainly cuz its too time consuming, but when i want you, i dont hide it. my ex anthony, holy balls. took fer ever to get him to ask me out. but i finally got it to happen... at like two in the morning. (im nocturnal, what can i say) although he didnt last long. claimed he was "too busy". no...hes just too high-matainence & didnt want me to realize it. ive never really dated people my age either, anthony's almost three years younger then me. i like younger guys cuz they're so innocent, but older guys are really sweet too.

 

            my cousin ashlynn is one of the koolest people ever and one of my best friends. pretty sure we were seperated at birth...but im almost a year older than her?? lol ..MAMA'S FRIED POTATOES!..I-I-LOVE-YOU!!! I-LOVEYOU! copper..bad dog kennel up. lawl.

 

            im straight but im not a homophobe. some of my best friends are bi, or gay. they're just like normal people. sometimes better.

 

            i have no aspiration to go to collage, if i do go its only fer marching band. like i said. band geek. i really wanna go to cullinary arts school, although i wish my family were more supportive about that. im not going to a four year collage then to cullinary school. that eight years of my life. fuck that. its one or the other.

 

            ima great listener. if you need to rant or a shoulder to cry on, im always here. i tend to be-friend guys more than girls cuz i know how bitchy us girls can be ^^ lol. i have a really great sence of humor. i think the stupidest shit's funny & sometimes ppl think im retarded cuz the way i act around my friends but hey....fuck those ppl. @ least im happy.

 

            i tend to become really depressed fer no reason sometimes & i'll either wanna be wif my friends when i am, or left completely alone. sometimes i dont eat fer days when i am.

 

            I HATE SNAKES. im terrified of spiders but i know how to use a shoe ^^ lol. my 6 biggest fears are:

1. marilyn manson

2. midgets

3. albinos

4. corn in mass quantities (fields)

5. clowns&

6. drowning in a drinking fountain....it could happen.

 

            well i kinda wrote a novel so if u wanna know anyhting else just ask. i wont bite...hard...^u^ ok i bite hard, but i promise i wont suck your blood. ^^

............^&^.....thats a dragon.....its purple! ^^...lol...just fer u daniel!!

 

 

♥peyton

location: Home

()

Sat, 29 Aug 2009

11:00 AM - (no subject)

 

            ok, so i just really fucking hate it when i know that someone is mad at me, and they dont have the nerve to admitt it. seriously? ok, if you say something that your questioning wheather or not you should've said to someone....they're mad at you. if you text them, and they only reply about every three messages....they're mad at you. and if they cuss at you for something stupid....they're mad at you.
            example. i was texting sean today. and i thought he didnt seem like his cherry self. so i said something i kinda regret, cuz i fucking know it rubbed him the wrong way. i made a mistake, ok? no one's fucking perfect. i'm fucking sorry.
            i know when people are mad at me, so why do they haf to deny it? so they dont hurt my feelings? all it does is piss me off. FUCK. ok...one....chances maybe 1 out of a million people "fall in love" when they're a teenager. if you think someone cares for you, even after they break up wif you due to "stress" then you are sadly mistaken. REAL love lasts NO MATTER WHAT. why dont people get this? and why does everyone waste their time holding on to this little strand of hope that the person they think they love is gonna be wif them forever? cuz chances are thats never gonna happen either. yeah, i've been hurt so when people are all depressed when they get dumped by the person they think they love i can understand why they're sad. but come on...if someone dumps you cuz their parents dont really like you, then whats the point of even caring? thats why i never tell my significant other that i love them. the only time i've ever said it was to someone i'll prolly never meet in my life, so there's less of a risk of "getting my heart broken". its so hard fer me to tell ppl i love them. even my parents. pretty sure the last time i said i love you to my day was after he took me to a concert in july.
            and if anyone gets mad at me fer saying anything i just said, then its whatever. be mad. but at least have the balls to tell me. i'm fucking tired of this love word. its fucking stupid. all it does is create this little lie to live in while in reality you honestly have no idea how hurt ur gonna be after its over. its just lie a fucking drug trip. sure it has its perks, but in the end, whats it even good for? absoultly nothing. all it does is piss me off. so tell me u love me..all im prolly gonna say is i kinda really like you a lot. love is fucking retarded. its a bigger lie than donald trumph's hair. and frankly i could care less about it. fuck it. i quit.
 
            OH.....and another thing.....if someone breaks up wif u...and u tell someone, but vaguly...dont get all pissed off when they try to cheer you up and are naive on what happened since u didnt really tell them shit besides u were dumped. its rather childish.
 
sorry if any of this makes you mad...but i was almost crying....i needed to blog.
 
peyton.
 
 
 

()

10:59 AM - (no subject)

 

                SO ....pretty much everyone i know hates me. my ex. my parents. ppl at school. my friends. and even people i havent met in my life. isnt that just the best. sorry if im such a fuck up. you'll get over it. yeah, sorry to my ex, for "bad timing". sorry to my parents for wearing pants. seriously? so theres a hole in my fave pair of jeans....get over it. oh, and sorry fer the "bitchy behavior", i guess. might as well throw that one in there too. sorry to my friends for what ever the fuck i did to piss u off. and sorry to the ppl i havent met fer infuriating u fer some stupid ass reason. gunnar...havent talked to him since ash was here. guess hes pissed off to. dont even know what the fuck i did there. connor might as well be dead to the world...havent talked to him in ten centuries. yeah, sorry to sean that ur gf broke up wif you. not really my fault being as i had nothing do do with it. sorry im not coutney's mom. i didnt put so much "stress" on her. i dont even fucking know courtney. so ur still sad that "the only person u love" isnt dating u. sorry fer fucking up...again...by asking why ur sad. im fucking sorry. if some one dumps you, you get over it. you dont mope until they come back forever cuz chances are they wont. oh, did i mention, IM SORRY! seriously. i get it. you dont wanna talk. fine. i guess ill get over. yeah kinda like how i got over being abandoned but you know what? thats not important. fuck, shes all u ever talk about, when honestly i could care less.
 
                and this is why i believe love is just a figment of the imagination. ppl get so obsessed in something that doesnt exist. LOVE IS NOT REAL. if it was i doubt so many ppl would hate me. isnt it just ninja kool how i can do nothing and still have ppl mad at me? arent i just amazing?
                oh, and if anyone reading this is mad now that ive said all of his get in fucking line. fucking get over it cuz i could honestly care less who else wants to hate me. start a blog or some shit. it helps. thats why i do it. its whatever.
                balls i hate life.
 
                ha, and now i really know my parents hate me...i just walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom, and they got ninja quiet. oh-ho-ho, thats just grand.
 
-peyton.
 
i might as well not exist anymore.

()

Fri, 14 Aug 2009

11:00 AM - so i just got rid of this problem...and now he's back

 


            so i finally just got over gunnar....and i talked to him today. he logged on to i.m. so i sent him a message. all i said was "i hate you" . didn't know that was invitation for him to be a key object in my life once again. i don't know how it happened but i guess we're talking again. i asked if he ever meant it when he said he loved me and he said yes, every time. and i believe him. he said he still loves me and hopes that i still love him too. and i do. its kind of hard not to. i still think about him occasionaly, and wanna punch people whenever they say "kinky", and i cry almost everytime i hear our song. so yes, i still love him. i asked him why he ignored me for so long and all he said was his phone broke. although i knew that wasn't the only reason, i decided not to press it, because i don't need to give him a reason to lie to me. i understand that we can't see eachother, and it not his fault. i also know that he's going to date people if i like it or not. its no big. i'll get over it. i just need to know that he still loves me.

            i told him i missed talking to him, and he said he missed me too. then he told me to call him, and i was still kinda irked so i just said i'd text him, cuz ash was SUPPOSED to be at my house fer like....four or five days, but her mom didn't want to bring her just cuz she didn't tell her happy birfday. oh well. so i just called him. the phone rang and rang and i expected what i always got...his voicemail. but he actually answered. he said he was at walmart then hung up on me. he called me back and asked why i hung up on him, and i said that he hung up on me. and he said that he had no reason to hang up on me, so i just ignored it. we talked fer like...idk....ten minutes? then i said i had to go. usually this would've been where we both say the l-word, and then hang up. but this time was different. this time, there was nothing. so i just said bye, and he did the same. and then it struck me that, we might be "starting over". i don't want to go through all of that again. why can't we just start where we left off?

            i honestly miss him. i really do. but i dont want to be hurt agian. i can't tell kelsey i talked to him agian, cuz she wouldn't understand. she'll just bitch me out for accepting his apology, but what else was i supposed to do? just sit here and hate the one person i've ever actually loved? no...thats not do-able. so i guess i'll just see if he calls me tomorrow night, or at all this week if i'm lucky. he has my number now so im not gonna go fer the "i lost ur number" thing again. god...i have no idea shwhat tha fuck is going on anymore. gah... i just wanna get marching band over wif fer the year, and go to b.o.a. in indianapolis and see garrett. then i wanna go to chicago and see my sean. and then MAYBE go to washington and see connor after i graduate. is this so much to ask? why does everyone haf to make my life so fucking complicated? i finally get rid of all my problems, and now they're back, and new ones are appearing along with them. i hate this game....it blows.

 

peyton

 

 

 

location: Other
music: get out alive - three days grace

()

Sat, 1 Aug 2009

11:10 AM - well its been ten centuries

 

            so i totally haven't been home all fucking summer. i miss my friends ninja bad. ima stay at kelsey's tomorrow cuz she wanted me to b4 band camp started....yes, i said band camp. shut tha shit up. plus i'll be getting out of the house. my parents never let me go anywhere. its actually gotten to the point where i haf to call my friends parents and ask them to call my parents and see if i can hang wif them. just cuz they dont want to "drive me all over town". pretty sure all of my friends live on the same side of town as me but what the fuck ever. thats the only reason i wanna get my licence. i totally didnt but then jan said if i had it then i could drive myself. my parents are so ninja lazy, it pisses me off.
            and i totally called tha "purple dragon" to see if he could hang wif me and kels, and he saif he totally could, then he called me back and said he prolly couldnt. so, idek. i wanna hang out wif anthony, but kels cant...gay... next time i spend the night wif her, were stayin at her dads so we can go hang wif antz. jebus, i havent seen him since april. fuck. oh and i almost cut my sister up today. she fucking spit on me. i wanted to slit her throat with a freshly sliced orange peel. shit. hella dank, huh.
            and seriously like the only person i ever get to hang out with is kelsey. i mean dont get me wrong, i love her to death, but i have other friends to. alex has been back since may and i still havent got to see him and its really startin to piss me off. GrRrrrRrr....
 
OH SHIT, HELLA DANK, I ALMOST FORGOT SNL IS ON, I GAUATA GO!
PEACEALATE BROHAS!!
 
OMFGGZZ! I THOUGHT I SAW THAT DAMN OCTOPUS AGAIN! HES JUST...SUCH A NINJA....JEBUS....
 
gaga haga...
 
peyton

location: Home
music: Situations - Escape The Fate

()