these are the best days of our lives

I'm done with judgeing people, i don' often, but sometimes i will admit to getting a good laugh at an innocent person every now and then, and don't get me wrong im all for letting people laugh at me, but i don't want to be apart of this sick joke, of being the jury of who gets to be pretty, and who isn't of whose a dork, and whose my friend. I want to meet more people, and extend my social range, would it be so bad to sit at a stranded table with new faces, in this school maybe thats  like suicide, but maybe one day i would come across an excepting table, and from that day on.. i would have a new face in my memories, a new friend. Without Knowing who they were, where they come from, without placing any personality on them by there facial expressions, without any judgement at all. 

I just have to remind myself. I dont think i could forget to be kind, but i forget some times who i am. A disease perhaps to be sucked up by everyone around you, its like a black hole, but with a smiling and welcoming face. In english one day we talked about if it was easy to fit to the "norm" .. and of corse it is, because i truly believe that people lose themselves when they get to school, because of the way this system is designed for everyone to find there click and then be there for the rest of there school years, and college lets you start over, and pick what click you really want. but its like, you might come into this place, with all these interests, with all these dreams, and hopes, but its like the moment you walk in, that smile shines at you, and your doomed to normality, just the overall look of people. because thats what will surround you for the next 12 years of your life. 

Another thing we talked about was if your parents have an impact on who you are and how much, and honestly your parents have till elementary school to set you up because after that, they become your enemy, and you are with the other kids your age much much more then your parents, which is why i think that those kids are the ones with more impact on you, it was just up to your parents to make you independent, tolerant, and to cling on to what you know, before its consumed, so the rest of it is up to you, how much of that independence did you bring with you, how much will do you have, and how much commen sense to know when somthing isnt right. I was fortunate to meet vittoria because i was sucked up into that system, i was an open thinker and always nice to people even if the kids around me wernt that was one thing i had, but i was shy and i never stood up for myself, i had no problem being friends with whoever be friended me, but vittoria, me it so much easier to do what i want, and to feel like i could, to not feel locked up in my own kindness, like because i didnt want to break anyone i was stuck breaking  myself. I'm still nice, to an extent but  i think recently i have almost forgotten who i was, because it was happening again, but i think i have gotten a hold now, and i think its going to be ok .