these are the best days of our lives

 Well the stranger boys were apparently let in by kayla and brittney my dad was really mad. They lied staright to their faces, they let us call the police. If they were smart and really wanted to avoid conflict brittney should have siad the bag was hers. that would have been that. 

I went out to dinner last night with my dad and teanna. i saw aleah at olive garden, she has the same birthday as me, and we have known eachother since first grade. anyways, i got a new book, and the sims apartment life, which is what i asked for, then he added in a gift card for ticket master, im sure ill find a good use for that one. 

Today was the first day i have worn Jeans to Lee davis. but im on the soccer team, and thats just it, since there was a pep rally we all dressed out and went in the middle at the beguining it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. They wanted me to play varsity agian this friday. but i siad no, i need a break, some time to just do nothing. Its annoying to see them take away players as they need them. I mean i think morgan is more permanent of a varsity player now and that really makes me mad. they cant just take who ever we needed morgan, to make it worse. i have to play sweeper which was her old posistion i hate it. I hate it . i hate it. but what choice do i have ? 

and as far as birthdays go, i got this cute shell box thing from sam its nice ^.^ i got a necalace from richard he made it, the beads are cool . Today wasnt bad, not at all compared to all week. I dont know why i had been so upset latly. Its like that empty feeling where you just are upset, you can think of all the reasons and things to complain about but its just an extra feeling . My dads been more annoying the usually too. He keeps coming in my room, that really bugs me, this is my space i dont know what gets to me. but he comes in and will sit on my bed or just stand there and act as if hes waiting for me to respond, though he hasnt siad anything, and i hate when he will come in and ask one question when i already told him the answer too, its just another excuse to stand around i guess? i also get really mad when sam talks about how much he hates himself, im pretty harsh on that topic. but i mean get over it  ?

 see now im back in my i love sam more then anything mood. I hate this . This constant change in mood. I love sam. i do . I think im too young to be in a relationship for this long, its like i wish we could break up but not have any hurt, and just wait for like another year or two to go by and then be together or somthing riduculous like that and i guess some views its like well then yeah whats the issue? and thats just it. i dont know . i dont know what im talking about right now either. i think i was so ugh about this in my previous blog because he was ranting about how he hates hiself and i have poor tolerance in that area. i know he cant help it. but thats not true he can. he can if he wanted to . i dont remember him always being like that. or maybe it was because i didnt know him. either way i like the other sam better and its not just that. but i cant find what else it is. i think im crazy . UGH im explaining myself all wrong, i dont want to break up with sam i just want to be able to be on my own.. that still doesnt make sense, and i dont want him to read this and think im going to break up with him when i still have all these feelings but i am unsure about weather i love him as my boyfriend .. .. or as my friend. and he's always apologizing so if he feels like he does somthing wrong then why do it? or maybe its because im controlling, he needs to just do what sam wants, and not what i want because thats making him nto be sam. he hasnt been sam for a while . hes been more sarcastic. But then everytime i think of going out some were i want to take sam with me. not vittoria or anyone just sam . like just now the play i wanted to be with sam.. but he has more fun with like allison or somthing because they can go and laugh at stuff i dont think is funny, and alot of it is because im matureing, and i cant decide if i like it or not. But i am im not as youthful . im not as tolerant as i was and im not saying because oh i turned 16 im suddenly different no i mean i have changed in high school from when i got here and it wasnt but so long ago. but its such a weird feeling, i have chaneged, so have me friends and my interests, but i still love sam.. but i dont connect like i used to. yes we tell one other everything, but its the change the past that i can hold on to . and its now that i dont see him exactly as i did because i have changed and i dont think he has as much, its not what he has or hasnt done its, just what who i am. or who i was even. i dont know i dont care if this makes sense because it does to me and how anyone else reads or interputs it its theirs to judge, that is if they may be able to get past all the spelling and capitalization errors, i have made. but either way, we must remember we see things as we want. or even fear. but maybe not how it is. we judge, we assume and its annoying. but its all we can do in some things. all we can do .