that was awful. i've been wondering why i pathetically try so hard for those ppl when i dont even care about them or find them fun or interestng. i figured it out though. its cuz they are not nice to me. i kno that sounds ridicuous but everyone is nice to me! really! and i think i subconsciously just don't get why they aren't when there is absolutely no reason to be mean! it doesn't make any sense and i hate not understanding things and i thus try to make them make sense. thus i try to make them nice to me. except that now that i realize this, i definatly shall not be continuing the madness as i'm being crazy. why do i want these people (who i don't like nor want to talk to ever) to be nice to me? no reason! i should stop being stupid.

im so annoyed though. js house is way too memory soaked. and now i want to talk to e. but i dont REALLY want to talk to him, i want to talk to summer imagination concieved version of him. as this is not possible, i should just shut up and go to sleep. k, sounds like a plan.