heavy with fat and sadness

and now im crying. fuck.

why am i so fat? and why am i so damn sensative. it is SO annoying and i can't stop crying and i hate it. this is not the good kind of crying. i HATE this. i need to stop eating. and i can like, see my mother trying not to give me cake for my aunts bday and i kno logically shes just doing it because i choose to be on my own food plan but i can't help but take it really personally and like shes telling m i shouldn't eat. i know im being irrational but only I can say when i shouldn't eat. fuck, im going to do make bad decisions.