Christinas Journal

so Im back for the 2nd time today. Usually I love to come and spend time with my kids and their dad but this time all I wanna do is go home. Dont get me wrong I love my kids but I cant stand being with their dad. I wish they would sleep in Bullhead so I didnt have to spend time in Vegas with him. He spends so much time on his phone and hardly any with the kids while Im here. He uses me being here as an excuse to not do anything for the kids. I still love him and he knows how I feel and yet he rubs it in my face that hes hooking up with someone new. It irritates me cause he knows that theres nothing I wouldnt do to be back with him. I wish I could move on and find someone but thats kinda hard when I still have such strong feelings for him. I jus wish I could go back in time to when all was great between us. He doesnt know that I cry myself to sleep some nights cause of how much he hurts me. I know that after a year he shouldnt still have this affect on me but he does and I dont know what to do to change that, especially cause even though we got a divorce we've been sleepin together and now he tells me hes pursuing someone Why cant I find someone who cares about the way I feel and will help me get over this jackass? I give up maybe Ill jus get a dog and be done with guys

Hi there, My names Christina. Im 23 years old single mom. I have 2 wonderful kids who I love with all I have. Im LDS and attend church when I can. I believe that the good Lord put me on this Earth to accomplish something and has given me kids to make life more bearable. I have a wonderful family who is not LDS, I converted back in June of 2007. My son is 2 and my daughter is 1. They are 10 1/2 months apart. Im due with my 3rd little one on January 29th. The ultrasound shows its going to be a little boy. My 2 kids live with their dad in Vegas. While I live in Bullhead City Az but dont think I dont see my kids. Im told that 50% of my time is spent at home and the other 50% is spent in Vegas with  my wonderful kids. I still love their dad but due to irreconcible (or however you spell it) differences we are no longer together. but I guess thats bout everything there is when it comes to me. Im a very outgoing woman and love the outdoors and writing. Ive hit a rough spot in the road of my life and figured an online journal might help get alot of whats bugging me off my chest. Plus my counselor thinks that by writing things down Ill be able to get a better grasp on my life and get it back on the right track.