dont worry be happy....

dont worry be happy....

i knew it... im not stupid.... why God?! whatever. i actually like her... thats why it sucks. i need new friends. like now... kill me. let me go home Jesus... so i can just be in a place where no one else and nothing else matters except Jesus... i want to die... or throw up. maybe both... throw up and then die. kill me now. ugh. ill live i feel like my insides are being ripped out of my thousands and thousands or pores in my body. and i will be left in little tiny noodle inside bits. kill me. i should have followed scotties advice. always listen to scott.*remember that. Always listen to scott... and mom... and then life will be good.I will live. i always do....

is sunday... and this weekend has been a bum weekend i have just rested it has been fantastic. Last night i was getting really lonely but then God blessed me with like 5 phone calls from people wanting to hang out. amazing. basically i just wanted to chill and i got to do that. i got to watch some tv and clean it was great :-)

thats a lie... i wish liking someone didnt hurt so much and that i could just find someone that i can love and who will love me. i want so much but settle for so little... then get it thrown in my face... so sad.. too bad.

i wish i had no emotions

okay so i am upset at cameron. he total gave me the cold shoulder when i left he barley looked up to say good bye what the heck was his problem. it was a great night, we had cake, apple cider, watched a good movie hung out with good friends. but then at 1 am it was almost like he expected me to walk home alone in freaking LA county... he was like thats a good friend to walk you home, i was like yeah... i would hope my guy friend would not let me walk home alone at 1 am. scottie wont even let me walk to my car alone late at night. jeez then he does not even get up to say good bye. what the heck was up his butt. jeez. whatever. Ryan is a sweetie God bless-em.