Tonights Topic: Work

I work too much.   I'm tired all the time, I can't tell you the last time I saw my friends, I can't even keep my room clean.  We are so short staffed at work!  Management keeps saying "It will get better."  My question is when the heck is it going to?!?! 

BUT.... then I ask myself.....Am I just being lazy? I work 60 hours a week. That is a lot, but not compared to having to work in the summers heat everyday, or hard physical labor.  Right?!?! Working just to make a few dollars to put food on the table.... I at least get to buy myself nice things when I want.  I just feel like they work us to the bone... and then they work us some more!  

I just want to be a stay-at-home mom!!! I've heard it's the hardest job, but in comparsion to having someone else raise my kid I would be willing to take the risk! I could also instill my passion for volunteering with my non-exsistant children.  (Just speaking as though one day I get to fufill this part of my dreams)  I could show the world that there really are people who love making others smile, or have big hearts.  Not everyone is out to get you... And just FYI a caring heart is contagious ya know.

Another point (and then I'll get off my soapbox) looking around the hospital, there are so many kids that haven't gotten the chance to be kids, and some won't ever get to.  If God made me able, then I truly feel I should go out and serve! I'm thankful I get to smell the fresh air, even with the crappy pollution! I'm grateful that I get to see the green grass! We are all so so so fortunate.... but yet we are blinded by selfishness.

Moral is... Work is making me thankful for all the little things in life!  

Just questioning myself about poison... not the kind that kills you... well I guess it could.  I have two sisters... one with my mom, and one with my dad.  They are both night and day.  One is the absolute perfect sister you could seriously ask for.... no matter what it took she would be there at the drop of a hat, she would give me a kidney if I needed one (atleast I think she would), I've always wanted to be just like her... the list goes on.  The other one....plain out hates me.  My whole life I have tried to love her unconditionally.... and admired her for her strength. God made her part of my life for a reason right? We haven't talked in I don't know how long.... and I don't even know if she thinks about me.  The thing that gets me, is I think about her all the time.  She is part of me.  We share a very important part of our lives.... and to think that when we lost that part.... we lost eachother for good.  Our dad was so important to each of us in completely different ways... if only we could share our memories... keep that flame alive.  Sometimes I wonder if I should try again... but then I remember that feeling of poison. That taste of bitterness..... knowing that no matter how much I loved her, she would never love me back.  I know I'm not a bad person... and I'm geniune.  I know I have my moments... we all do.... but one thing you won't find in my heart is hatred.  No matter what.... I forgive always.  Words hurt... but they are just words.  Poison though.... it's not healthy. 

Moral of my story is.... Forgive.   No matter if the person wants you too or not.... No matter if you don't even exisist to them.... Forgive for yourself.   

Discovering what you're here for.... discovering what you're made of.... Mastering the one life you are given. 

Sounds scary when you think about it......   But then again why not try to do all of those things.  So I am for sure moving to Colorado.  I'm starting to put in my applications now and seeing where I'll be and what month I'll move there.  I love new adventures.... and this journey is one I have tried before, (and did not succeed).  But.... I now have the feeling I can master this.  I can survive anywhere!  I'm going to do everything I have always wanted to do...... Just a few thoughts:

• learn to kayak


• camp more times then I can count on my fingers in a year


• Go fishing in the mountians


• Master snowboarding


• Go to my little brothers baseball games


• Snowmobile


• Hike a 14er

Having goals is what makes our life fun... challenging ourselves to live life.  I want to Dream as much as I can.

So basically my point is: GO OUT AND DO THE DAMN THING~

-m

Wow! Time flies when your a grown up.  You work everyday.... seems like before you know it, the end of the month comes again!  

Not too much going on right now.... Found out my Papa {My Dad's father}  is really really sick. He is basically giving up on life. My brother is flying in friday so we can drive up to see him.  Hopefully that will do his heart some good.... and ours too. 

Went to Breckenridge a couple weeks ago!   Loved it!  Got to spend some quality time with my family!  I sure do miss them! Makes me really question my goals in life.... and the road I want to travel.  I'm thinking about trying Colorado out again sometime next year... maybe calling it home for good.  I hate the cold, but I keep saying maybe if I'm prepared, with warmer clothing. (Yeah right)

Still thinking about school... Deciding what I want to do... or at least setting a goal and striving for it.  I don't just want to sign up and not have any idea what I want to accomplish sooner than later.  Thinking something hippy-ish .... like mother like daughter.  Nutrition... Herbal... Natural Healing. Somehow combining medicine with natural health.  Sounds way cool!  And you smile now, but I know everyone would be calling me! 

I want to change the world.... Just waiting for my moment. 

New Addiction: My freaking PINK Nintendo Ds!!!  I love that thing!

Still a vegetarian.... Saving one animal at a time.  So until I have a few extra moments to write again... Try eating one less Chicken Nugget!

~m 

So here we go again...

Food for thought : Vegetables :)

I'm starting to seriously think I have some sort of eating disorder.  I stree about my weight WAY too much.  I finally went to the gym tonight.  Just got home... driving home from work tonight I almost talked myself into " I'll go tomorrow...really!"   Glad I didn't believe that again!  Seems like these days with all my working, I don't have time to work out.  Just realized that I was just making excuse after excuse.  Crazy thing is I thought maybe I could be as skinny as those models by just looking at them.  Haha yeah that wasn't working!  You would think working around medicine  I would wise up about my health!  Took me long enough.... I guess the point of the matter is I'm starting too.  I want to be healthy, I don't want to just talk about being healthy.  I guess the topic of choice tonight is HEALTH. 

My dad use to always race us to the car.... two weeks before he passed away he raced me and my little brother up a hill in Estes Park, CO.  I want to be able to do that with my kids! 

So today as in the 24th I guess since its after midnight.... I am declaring to the world that I am going to dedicate some of my time (that I probably would be using to work) to exercise! I really don't care what the scale says (Well... I do a little) I just want to be fit! Maybe I can kick this stupid eating disorder/obsession/whatever you want to call it THING.... to the fat curb for good!  If I'm fit, then I'm not fat... and if I'm confident, then I'll shine.... and if I shine more, then maybe I'll find a husband!!!!  Ha that was a joke and probably another topic for another night.....

Moral of my story.... get off your lazy butts and get healthy with me!  Or at least be jealous when I'm singing.... "Dontcha wish your girlfriend is hot like me!"

Night Yall!

Be the change ... you want to see in the world.

Something new I read today... I've heard it before, but this time it stuck with me.  Thought I would try something new this year, and online journaling it is.  My thoughts are my own, and they are mine to share if I choose too. Considering I'm very positive, and have tackled many obstacles I figured I would share. Different topic, and a quick update about living is my goal.  We will see where this leads me.  I love to write... I love to create... I love to express. 

Considering it's 3:23 AM... my topic today is sleeping.

I never get enough of it.  Lately it seems like I only sleep during the day.  Right now it is perfect sleeping weather... rain.  Yet, all I can think about is everything I need to get done, and if I go to bed.... Nothing will get accomplished.  I'm starting to get  use to staying up all night.  More things should be open. Normally I would be out and about, but that is another hobby of mine I'm trying to take a break from.  Bars... that is a different topic for a different sleepless night.  I truly think sleep is over-rated! And besides.... hospitals, police stations, ect.  are open 24-7 because there is never a time limit on getting sick or in trouble.... people have to work at those places all hours of the night. So why can't my bank be open when I get off work.... or a decent place to eat!  Somewhere other than a bar would be a nice change of scenery! 

Tonight is a great start.... until my thoughts hit the paper again... Goodnight!

~m~