I woke up this morning in a terrible mood again. David decided to start an argument with me last night about my choice for college. It's really none of his business. I should just accept the fact that he is not someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. He's naggy, super disgusting when it comes to hygiene and I just can't stand another minute of his mom.

15 days. I just have to make it until then. I think I'm just going to tell my mom to move here and find a place in south county. I really want to do that. I'm calling her during 4th hour.

I'm stoned.

I work today from 5-7. 2 freaking hours. Wow.

Anyway. I've been contemplating getting a second job but I'm not sure if I can take on that much right now. Maybe in June I will. I REALLY want to move away from Pevely. I want to go to Meramec because all my friends from JFK are going there and I miss them.

Jessica might come down this weekend which would be sweet. I really hope another class doesn't come into the computer lab. I want to be on the computer for as long as I can.

I have a sort of sore throat and I had a really disturbing dream last night. I smoked a lot of weed this morning though, so I barely remember it. I just remember a DDR machine, Emma Seidler, Kath Sellenriek with a TON of make up on and something that had to do with Silent Hill. Either way, I woke up mildly disturbed this morning. On top of that Mike kept calling David's phone at like midnight and I got pissed and got up to yell at Mike and David said "Touch my phone and see what the fuck kind of fight we get into". Jerk.

We made up this morning of course, but still. That was fucking ignorant of him to say. Especially when I had school this morning. D:

I was in South County yesterday and looked for Andy a bunch. I saw Longview and was confused for a second then I realized he lives on that road. I drove by Tony's street too. It was kind of sad. I hate to think about a year ago today.  I hadn't even gotten Adderall until May 4th or something. Still, things were looking so much better for me a year ago. I miss lifeguarding.

So I took some Xanax this morning and it has made me feel a lot better. I just wish it wasn't such a temporary thing...

I miss David a bunch and I wish I didn't have to go to school today. So far though it has been going by really fast. I started Burger King yesterday and it was a lot better than I had expected it to be. I learned how to make Whoppers and other kinds of beef sandwiches. I was so hungry the whole time. xD

I'm still extremely torn on whether or not to stay here in Pevely or not. It's so frustrating. I love David with all my heart... but I'm not sure if it's going to be a lasting relationship. I just hope to god he isn't doing heroin still. It would be extremely disappointing if he was.

I talked to Jessica the other day and we had a really fun conversation. She told me all the news that's been going on at JFK and it kind of made me depressed. I think I might actually miss Chesterfield, except for my grandma of course. Because she sucks and she's a stupid bitch. Anyway.

I hope this weekend is fun, I work on Sunday from 5-8. Luckily I get to work backline, which is like cooking and stuff. I'm afraid of interaction with customers kind of. I don't like getting yelled at.

Well, that's all for now I think, I'll update Monday.

Peace.

My school counselor just gave me some interesting information about what I can do with all my stuff at David's. I'm really afraid that he will be really mean about it and try to hurt me or my stuff. I really do love him, it's just time for me to move along and do my own thing I think. I'm still torn about whether to go to Florida or California. I'm really afraid that no matter where I pick I'll be miserable just like I am here.

But who knows.

Some kid next to me just said hi to me, so I said hi back and he told me "That's the first time I've ever heard you talk." then he proceeded to ask me why I never talk and I just replied "I just don't have anything to say." Which is a lie. But he'll never know that.

I start work at Burger King today. I'm not really sure what to expect. I kind of feel bad for lying to my manager. He has no idea I don't plan on working there very long at all. I just hope I can get enough money up to help my mom with all of her expenses. I can't imagine what it's like to have a kid and have to take care of them and stuff. I really don't think I ever want kids. I don't think I'll ever get married either. Not until I can find a guy who genuinely wants to understand me. I can hardly understand me.

I'm just glad I know there is a reason why I'm "quiet". Even though in my head I talk all day long. I really want to quit smoking cigarettes but I doubt that will ever happen.

I wonder why now that I'm older I feel more and more compelled to write things down. I feel that things have a more significant meaning. Things that only matter to me. Like they were made for me. I should stop thinking I'm "special" though, there's probably millions of teenagers just like me.

Poor them.

I just wrote a 15 paragraph long entry, but for some reason I wasn't logged in and an authentication error showed up. I am so disappointed.

Basically that almost ruined my day because it was very well written and I really was happy with the way I had presented everything.

I'm 17, my name is Lauren, and I live south of St. Louis, Missouri. I moved out of my grandmothers house a few months ago and now live with my 23 year old boyfriend and his parents. I am a smart, capable person and can do much better than I am.

I'm really just pissed off because that entry got deleted. Fuck.