these are the best days of our lives

The last post was confuseing, sorry. I am so confused. Sam posted in his blog thing, good luck to hunter... Yes good  luck.

 

Alright what i ment when i siad i wish hunter liked someone else, is because i hate to think im putting him in this stuck situation, i mean if hes ok with waiting for me then thats wonderful, im actually feeling better agin about AMA.. i just know when we go out im going to be for sure, and its not that i want to be with sam.. i mean i broke up with him because i was no happy, Its just i care so much about sam. I wish i did not. I do. Like When i got back with sam, thinking he could be happy and i could be content, that did not work. I couldn't be content, i was for a while, i was so happy, happier then ever, i wish that had lasted. I mean i dont want sam like i want Hunter. I see sam more as a close relative now, that sounds weird i know, i mean people dont make out with their relatives....well not people around here. I obviously did not see him like that when we were dateing but now its like, im not physically attracted to him, but i care about him, i dont want to date him, but i dont want Him to be out of my life, and at the same time i do. I dont want to feel this way. I feel so sure about hunter when sams out of my way. I think this helped me, its that when im alone, I think about hunter (=, I think about being happy, and i dont think about sam. I think about hunter, with my friends, and with him. The only time i get messed up is when i read sams blog, because i dont like what i am reading. I dont like that hes mad at me, i dont like that He does bad things, and i dont like anything about it. nothing.  and then i get confused as to why i care so much, but atlest now i understand. Im over sam as my boyfriend, but not over him to where i can just.. NOt be effected by anything.

 

I was on the phone with hunter.. and i think im more comfortable with hunter then i thought. Im deffinitly much more attracted to him then i was with sam. haha thats scary . xD . I just feel bad for brining him down with me, I really hate that im so confusing, that i dont make much sense. I like talking to hunter, haha hes being all cute, since he knows im not a phone person, but its like.. i dont mind, i want to talk to you :) . I talked for him a little over an hour, and thats crazy for me. Im so excited for AMA and shareing an Air matress with him. At one point he was on the phone, He was humming, and i was falling asleep, and i really like thought he was right next to me, and i realized that this was all in my head so then i made it more entertaining by haveing him touch my face while he was humming me to sleep haha. >.> i feel like such a freek with this stuff, but im so happy with these thoughs, and im so sure.

 

I dont think i want to read sams blog any more. I dont like it, and it makes me upset and confused, its hard to not read it , but vittoria reads them.. so i think if she just tells me the basic stuff that will be ok, it doesnt effect me like that .

 

Sam had posted in his blog, 

 

 

Well To be exact i never siad i didnt want a boy friend for a couple of years, i did say for a while though.. but thats what i thought i felt.. And i so clearly, want hunter. I am sorry though, for how confusing i am. I dont want to make things complicated for hunter, i dont think im that difficult usually im much more chill, i  have just been slightly lost latley, but i think its makeing sense now, now that i atlest know the root to my conflicting emotions, but i do know.. what i think about most, and most positively.