these are the best days of our lives

So since i told sam i was deleting this and everything, he decides to go and copy all of what i have, Its a little irritating, simply because this is mine. Mine to copy and mine to share, but i dont want other copies of this with anyone, but i got over that, and let him do it, although its not like i could have stopped him.  What really made me mad is that he can copy mine and then go and delete his. At least i told him i was going to do it. Not like i would have copied his anyways.. mines enough to figure out how he was. How we were, His basically was just, what did i smoke last weekend. I hate life. There you go. Nice and simple.

I had a nightmare. And it was a bad one.  The begining was Irelevent once i got far enough into the dream to hit a nightmare.  I do know that the other events were about sam, and The part that this all aggravated me was in it as well,  Thats when news got around, just when i was thinking about how all of this is so stupid, how he would say he wants to be my friend but he can't. No he is able to, he can. He is not handicapped like that, its that he doesn't want to be, And im over that. I am growing back over the space that i had left empty for him.  News came around and hit me hard, sam had died in  a car accident . It was so hard to believe it, i cried.. but i had not even let it sink in, and i wasn't open to the thought, so it was just circling me, like a hawk does on its prey, but sooner or later it would have gotten in.  My shield breeched to so much more pain. Sp my feelings, my insides were all numb keeping everything out as long as i could. We went to the park. My sister and my mother.  I punched jessica in the face, She kept talking and talking about, school, about stupid incidents or people that she witnessed, and why the fuck would i care. Expecially after finding out that sam was dead, she never shut up, so i hit her in the face, she fell back and just looked at me and im guessing she didnt find anything thats she was looking for. So she ran and told on me. What did it matter? eventually my dream warped into something else. i was on a field we moved, and there was a soccer field right near my house. I loved it, i could just go outside and practice. I had a place to run. After that i channeled every thing from my last dream into motive, my diet changed, and mostly became salads, and i ran almost everyday. Then i had this weird thing were i did  like a crawl, because it was harder then running, one time my sister raced me, but ofcorse i was faster i always  have been, it does not take much to beat her. Everytime i got to far ahead of her though she made me wait, she'd complain about how un fair it was, i do not cheat. She siad i was and so i would give in and wait up. She did that until the very last of our race. My dream warped agin, but this time everything was blurred, and i was suddenly out of my dream, just watching things blur, item after item, until i had enough and i woke up. To find myself...stuck home all day. Because that damn dream caused me to sleep in agin. Its 9:20... and my carpool left me long ago.

Oops. i am an idiot. I can't keep this up. because if so i might be in some serious trouble, i think i have missed alot of days. It still doesnt matter though, i mean were are'nt doing anything, in any class except theater, and we just do a work sheet in history, which is easy enough to make up right there in class, and english is all review. but its to simple, so i dont need it. gym. No one cares about gym . I don't. if i was going to get fit it would deffinitly not work there during school. Theres just not enough motive, or people to move to let you, try your best and i dont want to.. because its awkward to randomly be good at a sport when every one would think you would be suckish. The boys in my class are dicks too.