I was so angry that i deleted him off my myspace, I was planning on switching blog sites, deleting this won completly once i printed it off, but he talked to me once he saw i was off his myspace.
ihatyuosmae (10:46:31 PM): before you took me off your myspace
ihatyuosmae (10:46:32 PM): i can see where youre coming from. everyones a hypocrite. it just made a lot of sense last night what omar was saying. of course i dont know you guys. this doesnt really matter though does it? i have no idea what im doing anymore.
ihatyuosmae (10:46:43 PM): block time now?
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:48:31 PM): im not gonna block you off aim, because if i dont want to talk to you i wont respond. and thats easy enough i was just really pissed off. because why the fuck do you want to be my friend if you just want to make me mad, or think of me as shallow, or stupid. i would think if you spent a year with me, and loved me as you say, then how could you be so close minded about me and the people around me.
ihatyuosmae (10:49:10 PM): i dont think youre stupid
ihatyuosmae (10:49:18 PM): idk whats going on
ihatyuosmae (10:49:25 PM): idk you guys
ihatyuosmae (10:51:36 PM): not trying to piss you off either
ihatyuosmae (10:51:39 PM): i agreed with omar
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:51:50 PM): well he already told me that
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:53:07 PM): he was only fired up. and most of it he didnt agree to looking back on it and weather he's fiull of shit or not i could careless because it wouldnt have started if you didnt take my journal all wrong, i told you read at your own risk but i dont think im going to use the site anymore, because theres no point in wasting your time with shallow, and stupi posts.
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:53:19 PM): as you agreed with omar that i was. even though you just siad you dont
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:53:21 PM): make up your mind.
ihatyuosmae (10:54:00 PM): when did i say anything about your journal posts being shallow and stupid?
ihatyuosmae (10:54:30 PM): and what omar said just made sense to me, so i agreed. i dont really know you guys, and he does. so i thought it was correct
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:56:14 PM): ...you spent a year with me and you dont know me ? well its not my post that are stupid but since you agreed with omar, he siad i was stupid and vittoria a bitch, i cant help that your gonna automatically believe what someone says, i mean could you expect he wouldnt have been mad after you tell him that where talking behind you guys back and callign them retarded?
ihatyuosmae (10:57:02 PM): i know you. but i assumed some sort of change had taken place, because i never talk to you. and i dont know your other friends at all.
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:57:31 PM): and that were all in our own buble afriad of you guys because of what your saying, well maybe were in a buble to protect what we have, our happiness maybe, i believe what you guys or OMAR says, but i dont take it in the same way, for me its postive, and life isnt "lifeless:" and black nor is it cold.
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:58:13 PM): so thats on you for making the judgement that i suddenly chanegd, when you had all the chances you want to talk to me
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:58:41 PM): i told you i wont approch you because i dont know when you want me to or not, im not the one in pain, so i wanted you to let me know when it was ok .
SkyInTheCloud007 (10:58:59 PM): Im not going to talk to you, un knowing if its just going to make everything worse.
ihatyuosmae (10:59:25 PM): i know. and even if i wasnt ready to talk to you its beside the point, i still dont know whats going on with you
ihatyuosmae (10:59:46 PM): what else am i supposed to think
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:00:27 PM): what do you mean whats gooing on with me?
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:01:13 PM): im living life how i want to, and im not going to let people who call me stupid be around me, because i have had enough people tell me what i am, and who im not.
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:01:29 PM): maybe your asking the wrong question
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:01:37 PM): like whats going on with you
ihatyuosmae (11:01:39 PM): whats going on with you, as in, how you are, what youve been doing, how youre feeling etc.
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:02:19 PM): Well why dont you just ask
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:02:25 PM): you read my journal ?
ihatyuosmae (11:02:34 PM): because its really hard
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:03:33 PM): the only thing that im upset about is the way your handleing it, i mean do you really think that drugs are going to make you happy? SO for the rest of the life is that what your plan is?
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:03:42 PM): ok reality might not be the best right now
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:03:55 PM): but if you ever want it to be somthing then you need to believe it is.
ihatyuosmae (11:04:28 PM): hopefully the rest of my life wont be that long
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:05:09 PM): so you want to spend the rest of it .. moping around? and then on the weekend a nice "trip" only to come back just as dissapointed the first time when you get the reality check
ihatyuosmae (11:05:35 PM): not sure what else i can do.
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:05:54 PM): ...
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:05:59 PM): what i have been telling you
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:08:07 PM): To face whats happening, and to get over it, sorry harsh but, thats all you can do stop thinking about the darkness that you so call refere to as life, and think about how much of it your missing, did you ever stop to think that theres a flash light somewhere? or maybe all whole freeking happy feild of light somewhere? you like this my little metophoric lecture? because i dont know what else to tell you except if all you want is to mope and smoke, then thats all your gonna get, your gonna see everything you open your eyes too, and i cant see for you i cant make you want to be happy,
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:08:36 PM): you have to want it, and to know its there even if right now you have to face whats happened. but atleast its a step
ihatyuosmae (11:08:49 PM): but i dont want what everyone else wants
ihatyuosmae (11:08:57 PM): i dont want to grow up
ihatyuosmae (11:09:00 PM): i dont wanna get a job
ihatyuosmae (11:09:02 PM): i dont want a family
ihatyuosmae (11:09:08 PM): i dont care about seeing the world
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:09:36 PM): well then fine dont,
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:09:45 PM): but how can you know what you dont want, when you havent had it ?
ihatyuosmae (11:10:06 PM): i cant put it into words
ihatyuosmae (11:10:07 PM): theres
ihatyuosmae (11:10:14 PM): gotta be somehing else out there
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:10:36 PM): and im sure there is.
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:10:44 PM): but whats so wrong with
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:10:48 PM): what you have here?
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:10:59 PM): Why do you have the need for somthing more.
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:11:05 PM): i think all people do
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:11:30 PM): because nothing is ever enough, but i mean this is just me
ihatyuosmae (11:11:47 PM): because
ihatyuosmae (11:11:48 PM): this is
ihatyuosmae (11:11:53 PM): just a material world
ihatyuosmae (11:12:02 PM): were just humans, and this is just live how we percieve it
ihatyuosmae (11:12:08 PM): life*
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:12:20 PM): So what
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:13:16 PM): i mean i dont want to be caught in this system, i dont want to lose myself, so right now I wont, and im not giving into society, im gonna do what i want as far as i can. i guess you can see differently and that ok, but if you dont want anything then whats the issue?
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:13:19 PM): why are you sad.
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:13:25 PM): or are you happy? how it is?
ihatyuosmae (11:14:06 PM): i cant tell you how i am
ihatyuosmae (11:14:08 PM): i dont know
ihatyuosmae (11:14:10 PM): i dont want this
ihatyuosmae (11:14:37 PM): and until i grow enough balls to kill myself, im living how i want to, and thats what its all about right?
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:15:40 PM): yep i this is how your happy and really want to live
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:15:42 PM): fine
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:15:46 PM): thats on you
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:21:51 PM): i think i might switch to a new blog site..
ihatyuosmae (11:22:28 PM): if you dont want me to read your blogs anymore i wont
ihatyuosmae (11:22:36 PM): or if you dont trust me you can make them private
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:23:53 PM): its not that i dont trust you, but i dont want this happening agian. and im still offended, by being called shallow and stupid, and even if omar was talking you so eegerly agreed. and i dont see the point in having you read entries about nothing important.
ihatyuosmae (11:24:32 PM): im sorry michelle,i shouldve talked to you first
ihatyuosmae (11:25:20 PM): but i was just like in shock and semi pissed and i wanted to share
ihatyuosmae (11:25:29 PM): but it was wrong that i took it that way
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:25:36 PM): I mean yeah i didnt want to end up like vittoria and omar, and yeah you should have talked to me first and im sorry for being such a little bitch but i really really dont like when people call me stupid, because thats all people have called me . and its like i dont mind you sharing with other people but you gotta think before you do
ihatyuosmae (11:25:36 PM): because a lot of times they dont mean what i think they do
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:25:50 PM): yeah.
ihatyuosmae (11:26:01 PM): i didnt call you stupid either.
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:26:06 PM): .
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:26:19 PM): i know omar siad it but you didnt say anything but yeah yeah or somthing
ihatyuosmae (11:26:29 PM): iactually deleted a lot of the conversation
ihatyuosmae (11:26:37 PM): that was main points
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:26:37 PM): and went on, like this was a big shocker that you never thought of maybe it was because it wasnt true
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:27:15 PM): well i got enough of it, besides your the one who picked what to put down so im guessing that was a pretty important part o fit.
ihatyuosmae (11:27:32 PM): well
ihatyuosmae (11:27:39 PM): im sorry i pissed you off
ihatyuosmae (11:27:49 PM): and i didnt mean to say that youre stupid
ihatyuosmae (11:28:40 PM): i understand if you dont wanna re add me, or keep the blog site so we can still read each others
ihatyuosmae (11:28:44 PM): but i hopeyou reconsider
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:30:46 PM): yeah ill reconsider. but im just saying . im not changing, im the same michelle i have always been just maybe your seeing me through different eyes. I dont know but if you wanna know whats going on, or how i am or somthing then you ask me unless you really emotionally cant
ihatyuosmae (11:31:26 PM): i wish i could get over you like you have me
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:32:57 PM): its not that i would have been over you, like i still liekd you but when you do more drugs and stuff that made it some much easier, and at the same time so much harder, but its not like i just dropped all my feelings for you randomly.
ihatyuosmae (11:34:16 PM): you know id never touch another drug if thats what you wanted, if we were still together
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:35:41 PM): but thats never been what i wanted i mean yeah i dont want you doind that stuff, but i always wanted for you to do what you want .
ihatyuosmae (11:35:56 PM): ive only been doing it a lot recently
ihatyuosmae (11:35:58 PM): because it makes me happy
ihatyuosmae (11:36:09 PM): and nothing else really does
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:36:26 PM): i know. which is what i was talking about up there
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:36:29 PM): its not going to get any better .
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:36:36 PM): like
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:36:45 PM): you can scroll up and re read all of it if you want
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:37:05 PM): to get a better understanding of what i siad cause i feel like you wernt reading some of it
ihatyuosmae (11:37:57 PM): i get what you said like, its only temporary?
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:40:19 PM): no like .. i mean are you just going to keep doing drug after drug? because nothin is gonna change like that
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:40:20 PM): like
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:40:35 PM): sgrjkb
ihatyuosmae (11:40:54 PM): theres nothing i need to change, unless something would bring you back
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:41:25 PM): so what if i came back because i didnt want you to do drugs that badly, but we both new, that i really didnt want to be with anyone
ihatyuosmae (11:41:49 PM): ..what?
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:42:01 PM): nothin >.,
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:42:04 PM): >.< *
ihatyuosmae (11:42:05 PM): no
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:42:23 PM): i dont have the patience to explain that any better then i already did
ihatyuosmae (11:43:07 PM): im saying
ihatyuosmae (11:43:18 PM): why not do drugs if it at least gives me happiness for some time
ihatyuosmae (11:43:24 PM): instead of being sad all the time
ihatyuosmae (11:43:41 PM): and why does it even matter if im not gonna be around that long anyway
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:44:44 PM): ihatyuosmae: why not do drugs if it at least gives me happiness for some time
SkyInTheCloud007 (11:44:45 PM): because.
