5:22 PM - still empty
I guess i cant blame him, for the way he has responded, how could i expect for things to be the same, just a change in title. because that does not happen. Its a weird thing. To try and imagine myself with someoneelse, its hard to think i could ever be that comfortable with somone, like i was with sam. But i dont regret what i did. and i cant, i miss him so much right now. all the time really, but i didnt want a relationship. and i still dont. And im so tempted. yeah like i siad in my other blog i was tempted to kiss hunter but ofcorse thats not what i want, but its like that with sam too. i mean sitting in math its so natural to play with his hands under the table, because thats how its always been, but i have to resist because i cant bring myself to do that, im not sure he would let me either, and it would be so wrong. I cant hug him how i used to and i cant kiss him. I miss that, i wont lie, but isnt that expected since that was what i had known for over a year, its like going oppposite from instinct or somthing. Everytime hes on aim i want to talk to him more then anyone, because.. he's who i talked to on aim, or just had a box open for even if we wernt talking that often in that instant message.
All i know is i am doing what i want right now, but i do have an empty feeling left over, but i guess that was expected. 4th block came quickly today, i think it was because the beel was back to normal since SOL week is over with, luckily i only have one SOL this year, however its math so im not sure how lucky that is . Anyways in fourth block i skipped out on our mini feild trip in gym, because my mom was going to pick me up early, since she was coming for jessica to take her to the doctors, i figured why not. I would much rather go home then be stuck in gym, since i find gym pointless, Im not learning anything, and i can work on physical things on my own time, since i dont get much of a work out there anyways. But the little time i did have there was spent awkwardly. Theres somone i know named kyle hill, he's adorable like a kitty almost. Anyways He is friends with sam too, and he asked me if i new sam did pot, so i nodded questionably, and then he explained telling me that because he wanted to make sure his girlfriend new before he sold some to sam, it was nice of him, i guess, cause if i was still with sam i would wanted to know, although im sure he would have told me, and i wouldnt have approved but it wouldnt have mattered because i wont stop somone from doing somthing, people can make their own choices, and i wont make them for any one but myself. Anyways then i had to go through a very low detailed talk about how we broke up, i had already sat and just ignored one conversation about how me and sam were, i couldnt make some list, so i ended it and then he went on about how cute we were with surprised "why's" and what not.
I'm excited about going to kelsey tonight though, its been a while and allison will be there too. I guess we'll see how it goes. should be fun.