these are the best days of our lives

Good morning! it's been a while, but its safe to say that i wont miss my carpool, unless they don't come by and pick me up today.. since i was not here yesterday, hm perhaps i should call and make sure. I'm so happy to have all of my laundry done. I hope to have every thing clean this week, like the down stairs too. I have to talk to hunter about what he wants to do for Ama, just incase i need to make anything, then i gotta know now. SO plans for this week . 

1) get house clean/organized. 

2) Find about about AMA (including the car ride to and from ) 

3) Finish Chair. 

So three things, thats not to bad. Could be worse. I'm excited about AMA. Hunter says he's brining his airmatress and wants me to share ^.^ and i want to as well.. obviously. (= fgdrfgcfg.   But i still don't know about rose! why does hunter have to be so adorable!!! Like what kind of friend am i ? I also am excited, because its a chance to make new friends and thats always fun. I don't want to call allison.. I kinda just wanna be like, sam! if they pick you up and im not in the car makes them come get me, but im not talking to sam, so that plan wont really work out. When sams all "mad" at me and whatever it makes getting over him much easier, because.. at least thats a step, and i know how he feels because i have felt that way before with vittoria. I didn't no why i was so mad at her. But i am glad i am over that. and im really glad she can forgive me for being the butthole i was .  I really missed vittoria. :) Her and Jaysen are cute. I'm glad their together too, i didn't like it at first, but i do now. 

As far as emotions go, their playing tricks with me. I'm almost explosive at this point, those things people call "butterflys" but its not just because of hunter i get them when even sam makes any contact with me because its like WHATS GOING ON . haha I don't like sam or anything, but i dont know if im over him, if that makes sense, although like i siad, he makes it easier when hes mad at me, then i dont have any reason to hover, because i know he does not want me there. 

I am going to bring my camera to school today =D i have some picture frame that changes pictures , you just have to slide a memory card in it. So i want pictures for that. :) I have to go, missing my ride for a 3rd time would not be good. 

Things are not in freeking black and white, there are so many shades inbetween.. so why is it so difficult for people to look past the easiest understanding. I guess because it's easy, but that shouldn't matter if its wrong. Things don't have to be the way they seem, there not all simple, and a this or that, sometimes theres just a mix, that you need to be open to understand. For instance..

I broke up with sam.

Does that mean, i hate sam and don't want to even see him, don't even want to talk to him. It must right since i broke up with him. Thats the only thing that would make the most logical sense right?

No .. Can i not care about him still?  is it possible that just because i broke up with him, that it doesnt mean that what i siad in the past is a lie.. that really did say what i meant. It wasn't some Bullshit i pulled out of thin air to make him happy. Yes i wanted to make him happy, but if that was the case we would still be together. Things change and there not simple.. then agin this isnt all complex. ITs just theres not two lines all the time.. theres always more to something.  He posted in a survey on myspace about how Girls screw you over. No. there was no like complete like back stab.. screwing over would mean i cheated on him, or i told him i loved him and then the next day break up with him. He knew what was coming. I never once lied. and i never screwed him over.. how could he even put it like that? He's the only one Full of shit, because he does not want me to be happy, thats just saying he would rather me stay with him, not feeling the same way, then leave him.. and that my friend is screwing myself over. I am over dramatic.

The whole black and white concept, its just .. I want to explain it better, to make better sense.. like.. say there was a murder perhaps.. a boy, a thug stabs a nice looking kid clean cut and everything.. You look at this and all you can see is murder. murder. When in reality the kid isnt bad, he isnt exactly good, but perhaps it was all out of self defense, maybe he did not even mean to stab him. If no one ever looked to see what was underneath everything then, people would be going to jail, that were innocent. Then there are things to smaller degrees, but just because its easy to understand doesnt make it true. i don't know if anyone can be evil or good. how can you judge something like that, because i think no matter what there will always be a little of both. I don't know exactly where that is going.. its just floating at me. One of those things that jump on you, sprung up. I feel like i never make any sense.