4:57 PM - bad ass
haha so im afficially total bad ass, i ditched play practice today, haha >.< today was a half day and i was beat, i just really wanted to go home. i spent forever organizing my pictures haha. unfortunatly that means i didnt work on my room, wich is REALLY messy, its a clothing explosion, plus this t.v stand with my game systems is now in the middle of my room because my dad moved it when it was convinient for him but when i was ready for it liek two weeks ago, he was plopped in front of the t.v trying to find somthing to watch. anyways sam also wanted me to go to his house today, but i didnt feel like it. i dont really feel like being at anyones house, i hope he doesnt get the wrong impression though, what i really want is to get my freekin room organized, but i always get distracted, cause i mean i'd rather be doing anythingelse then cleaning my room, but then when it is clean im so much happier, and not clutterd. plus i need to do laundry. ugh.
money money money .
this is always the money crazy month, ugh like first it was vittorias birthday wich i actually gave her a crapy gift, i feel bad but i dont have enough money for everything i have to get done, or want to do actually its my dads money and i feel bad for asking for so much, my friends just dont understand that i cant just take take take. it doesnt work liek that. i think its because i feel like my mom blames me for her massive debt and if she doesnt, i know that some of that was my fault, and i dont want my dad to end up liek that because of me, just because he cant say no. anyways so whats so expensive this month.. lets see theres that first concert that was 18 dollars and i bought a cd and two posters coming to 25 dollars total ofcorse thats on me, then theres a cobra startship concert comign up which has an amazing line up, and its a fun line up, deffinitly dancing material, thats around 15. worth it? deffinitly. then mrs. hanky (the most amazing art/craft teacher one could possibly have) wants to take us on a feild trip to a craft show. thats 15 dollars as well. then its alisons birthday.. although she doesnt really giev people presents.. so i dont see why she should get them like .. she shares other peoples presents as her own.. like the skirt i made vittoria.. was "from allison too" and for my birthday ....her and kelsey got me crap i didnt mind that kelsey did but its the fact that allison shared a gift with her .. and it wasnt anything, like kelsey did that to everyone o it was like kk. but seriously.. id ratehr they just gave me the 5 dollars they would spend on crap insted of giving me crap because i dont need anything like that, it just sits in my room making clutter. oh and i must go to good will and get some black pants but that will coast a hole like 3 dollars so i can get that on my own. i think i will get allison dollar tree stuff i hope they still have scarfs, ill try to get her good stuff from cheap places, but atleast it will be stuff she can actually use. afterall she considers me her best friend, wich is sad, since i get so agravated when she follows lose to me. i think i get soo ugh with her because of how she was when i was first with sam, everyone new we would go out. and she told me before i broke up with omar not to, and when i asked why it was " because sam infuriates me and if you go out with him you will to." i asked her straight up and serious if She liked sam i swore to her i wouldnt tell anyone, and i wouldnt go out with him if that was the real reason she gave me an honest look and siad "no" so i went with him because that was a stupid reason, and also i found out that she asked hunter M to ask me out just so sam couldnt...even if he didnt like me thats so wrong on so many levels, and after we went out allison was an ass hole to sam. she had been for a while when me and omar had issues. and just the way she treated him pissed me off. and she acted nice around him when i wasnt there, but when i was she went all bitch., i dont even know how to explian, it plus i should be able to put the past behind me. but i do have the problem of holding grudges. i think part of it is, ofcorse i can forgive, but i will never forget. she put me in a position where i had to chose, it was if you go out with him we cant be friends. and that alone was wrong if she was my friend, she would have given me a better HONEST answer to why we shouldnt go out, and she wouldnt have made me chose friends dont do that, if a friend does somthing the other knows is wrong, the one friend cant chage the desision but she can be there fpr support, be there when somthing happens. not abandon completly. anyways as long ago as it feels, and it actually was a while ago. im not sure where my point is with all that. but.. maybe by releasing it, i can have a better grip?
music: Cascada