Hmm ok, start alot of posts with that, prehaps me finding the best way to put down things I suppose.

Ok, this will be the hardest post ive ever made or will it. Talking about the whole Anya thing, im not going to talk about reasons why we broke up because in truth I dont know, reasons are shit tbh. No matter how much i sugar coat my dissapoinment im still disppointed and angry and very embarrased about the whole thing because no matter what unless I divulge details to people i always will be regarded as the bad guy after what happened at Simons Party.

Most if not all of her "friends" probably do question why she ever went out with me in the first place, so support from them was as you can imagine few and far between, with exceptions of course but not enough. She was the best and worst thing that has happened to me I can say that truthfully, i learnt to love something other than myself which of course is a good thing. But the frustration and anger i felt at times with her was just too must. I was constantly put into situations where she knew i would be uncomfortable/not like them and despite this nothing changed, i would bite my toungue and not say anything and then be called miserable or told to cheer up. I gave alot and recieved nothing, that didnt bother me, such is how i felt about her. She just doesn't learn at all in regards to things or some peoples motives. She will continue to be taken advantage of and will feel miserable but she chooses this (read coward) and she will never find happyness until she learns to appreciate her self-worth and know she is better than *cough*  but tbh not my problem any more. I'am not going to fight for her anymore, im worth more and dont deserve to be treated how I have been. Something has been stolen from me and i'am feeling very angry, does make me wonder why I execised such self control to start with and being a gentlemen, really it wasnt worth it and now i have to suffer. I hope she feels happy, cause she found a guy who actually who did treat her how she deserved and respected her both as a friend and girlfriend. 1 piece of advice im going to give which will be ignored, whoever you end up with next please dont talk about you previous bf's at all, your a good looking girl but this has been the main reason youve been getting bf's not because of your personality, this sounds very harsh but it comes down to you learning selfworth stop giving yourself so cheaply, learn to say no.

Thank you for everything you've help me become.

I felt Anya deserved her own post tbh so thats why i made a seperate one. Friday night ok i gave in and finally went out with Jared, in Morpeth. Was very disappointed that Tracey couldnt come havent been out with her before either but soon enough. Anyway Friday morning-afternoon meh doesnt matter, left early ie skipped maths last lesson so i could get home earlier. Anyway after loads of crap, i ended up missing one bus, was still in the house so wasnt sweaty or crap like that. Ok was standing at bus stop and George comes and starts waiting ok i can handle that he is a nice guy and used to be friends with him. He wont be going to the Red Bull anyway. Just as the bus pulls up, Leanne walks up, ah man she looked so hot. Remembering why i fancied her to start with, but i know she has a bf (and has had for a while now). Makes my way down to the red bull after the intital "woo shit its armstrong" got myself some drinks and settled straight back in. Night goes on, meet some new people (at Black Bull) play and win a game of Pool (doubles with adam russell) beat ben (aggressive cunt when he gets beaten lmao) and nigel (ha you fat chink :p) then me and jared went to the Waterford cause it was the only place that still had gusiness hats. Didnt stay there long made our way back to the Red Bull through The Black Bull again even sat with leanne and some others, most of them talking about how much ive changed (nothing said between me and leanne though hmm)  and turned hot!! LOL some of the girls i was talking to (who had turned pretty hot themselves) said you used to be short and cocky now though you hot and really nice *richard blushes at this point* and they laugh and say see. Despite hints and flirting i just wasnt interested in "pulling" or getting of with anyone at that point. I sent some pretty dumb messages which i regret. Overall though a very good night with company who actually like me for me and not because i was Anyas bf. Anyway after a long (for jared anyway) lift back his mum now knows he has a gf called siobon lmao ooooops :) and i think, will get confirmation tomorrow whether or not i kissed his mum as well LOL drink  + richard = nice