daydreamer

today at school was okay but i came late...why? becasue i was tired and slept in too late. My parent had a talk with me after i woke up saying I needed to be motivated and maybe WCA(my school) wasn't the right place for me. They think i get depressed alot and don't care about my grades or school. But i really do care! I am just started to get used to this year at school making way more friends than i had last year and getting closer to God. I still get sad but hey i am a teenager and changeing! well as always the grass seems greener on the toher side and i am starting to think maybe starting over isn't a bad idea but then all the friends I made will be gone and wasted. I just need to think over alot.

Today I had a great day til i got home. Man whenever i come home from school my family makes me feel like i have a million problems. I know i have problems but everyone does. My counseler said that my convos are so emotionally intense lol and i was like What?? Meaning I am either really happy or really sad..well i  knew that but i thought i was getting better...i guess i still have to work on it :) I miss my friend ashley and i am scared of not being close anymore because she moved schools..and i might move schools because of my grades so i don't want to not be close with my friends anymore...that would be horriable! I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Well ya here is a kinda poem or song i wrote lol i hope its not stupid to u guys but hey i like it! it isn't about anyone i know lol i just made it up when i was bored :)

don't pass me by, remeber me ,don't forget.

i know u have many friends but you and me,

promised ti be there for each other till the end

as we both move on

remeber this song

i know you and you know me

we always could talk easily

the momments we shared 

showed me you cared.

you said you'll always be there 

but now your no longer here.

are lifes are going different ways, but please remeber and 

don't walk away.

today is the day that i'll say 

I love you. :) 

 

Last night i went to a concert called hillsong united and i dedicated my life to God! Well i thought before i was a christian but i really was confused....like i became a christian when i was 3 year old, but i did it out of fear and like i thought i would never sin. I started understanding more as i grew up but i never gave my heart or like soul to God.....my whole heart! i knew God was real and the bible but i didn't feel loved and didn't trust him. Last night Wed. I was at the christian hillsong united concert and everything just clicked I felt God and prayed and said i wanted him! I gave my pain, sin, worries, joy, happiness, sadness, anger EVERYTHING to God! The music was amazing and i was praiseing God. I didn't feel alone and i realized that he truely loved me and that i couldn't to anything on my own only God could help me. :) I am happy and i feel peaceful and like i am on the right path and living for God!!!!! I will still sin and mess up but i have Gods forgivnessa and love and nothing can replace that :) <3

Sorry i haven't been here in a while! but i am back! Life has taken a turn and now i am doing better. <e an dmy dad got ina  huge fight and he pushed me and i got scared....but then he said sorry. For awhile i wouldn'r even look at him but we are doing better. Life at sschool is going better and i now am making more friends. Like my friend becky who i met this year. I now also have a new crush and for vday he gave me to flowers because some mean kid played a prank on me and made me cry but aj( the boy i like) cheered me up.I got on some depression meds. and i am getting closer to God which is good and i feel truely happy.

Dear Journal,

Life has been so idk wonderful lately. School is going much better and i am in a play now. I got one of the main parts. lol i am the evil goblin queen int the play irnea and curidie. I now have new friends and enjoying life much better. My new friends are loyal and wonderful. They are my kind of style deep. I am still going to counciling and it is helping alot. Since that one time i hurt myself, i have learned form my trial of my past and am now moving foreard on life. Back to the play it is in a week and i have nevr been so excited. I am still taking guitar and love it. It helps bring out my emotions. And i have a kinda love life going on. His name is Sam and we have been talking non stop lately. IU just liek him as a friend but he really likes me. We talk about everything..he know like everythign about me and still likes me for me. i showed him the real Joann and he loved it. A part of me wanted to like him afriad i would never have a "love" like this again but the other half said no jsut friends. I think i made the right choiced iun staying frineds but in the future who knows? the reason i ahve been making new firneds is becasue i lately discover that alot of my friends have been gossiping about me. They said i was a worrier who didn't have any self condfidenece and need to go with the flow. Well people i son't go with the flow...i am Joann Johnson the up and dpwn girl who is different. Talk to you soon journal.

Joann

Dear Journal,

Well i ahve a boy friend now..his name is parker. He was in the play with me and is amazing. i still talk to sam, he calls me ever night. He likes me for me that what makes me feel so flattered. Parker and me don't talk alot but i made a cd for him and i hope he likes it. He is my age but in 7th grade. But hey is a great guy and my first boyfriend. :] well thats all that is going on.

joann