My Life

I think I truly feel legitimetly happy. Sure, I've always been happy, for the most part, but never like this, never this happy. Its almost euphoric really, like nothing I could even try to explain. Obviously I feel really sad, upset, even depressed, at some times, but above all that I still feel happy, no matter how down I am. I think about the past, how I was back then, who I was, who I was surrounded by. It wasn't me, not who I was supposed to be. It's really true, you can tell a lot about a person by who the surround themselves with. I'm really trying to surround myself with better people. Well I know a have many good people in my life, but I'm really tired of all the drama of some certain people. I'm really just sick of J's drama. Shes not a very good friend, I feel close to her, I feel comfortable talking to her about most things, but things aren't the same. I'm not sure what it is, maybe shes changed, maybe I've changed, I'm sure we've both changed since the summer, but I feel like shes only there for other people when its convenient for her. She just doesn't seem to care about anyone, other than herself, most of the time. Its really apauling to have to see this side of one of your close friends. Take my brithday for example, she totally blew me off and didn't have any cares in the world about it at all. I think shes gone a bit "guy crazy", I think she may have a bit of a big head right now, feels like shes the shit or something. Hopefully it will pass, other wise we may not stay friends for much longer. But A is back, so maybe it doesn't matter; of course I don't want to loose a friend, but if shes not acting like a good friend to me, what big loose is it, I don't feel like I deserve to be treated that way. I really do hope she comes to her senses though. Her and D broke up, so we'll see what happens now. I'm sure things will work out on their own. M... where do I even start with him. He is amazing, I have never met anyone like him. Hes caring, sweet, funny, thoughtful. I can't even think of the words to describe him, he does everything right, well maybe not everything, but when its not right he wants to change, he wants to be a better person, but I think he is perfect, we fit together perfectly anyway. There are things that he could do better, there are things everyone could do better, but the way he makes me laugh, and smile, and feel so great, even if its just because I'm thinking about him is th emost amazing feeling I have ever felt. I can't imagine where I would be without him, everything would be so much different, I'm not saying I couldn't function, I know I could and I would, but I don't think anything would be as good, I wouldn't feel the same. I think we're just happy together, he makes me happy, I make him happy, we work. We haven't fought, we've never really been mad at each other, we just fit together, perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle, and if the pieces don't quite fit, we work together until they do. We talk about everything, and anything. I feel so comfortable with him, and I know he feels comfortable with me, maybe more comfortable than I would like at some times. I wish he didn't have to be away, I just wish we could be together all the time, but in time it will happen. He will be back in May, and hopefully will decide to stay here for next year too, because I know I really don't want to do this for another year, it is so hard. But really, I would do it, because not being with him at all would be much worse than simply not being able to be in the same city as him for a while. I know I'm so young, and I know if something does happen and this doesn't work out I may feel stupid for saying this, but feeling like I do right now I can honestly say I hope things work out for us, overall... I mean I'm not thinking that far ahead of course, but I know I'm tired of dating, and maybe its just the feeling of it being still in the new stages, or just feeling so happy and not wanting to ever let this go, but I really hope I always feel like this. It is truly an amazing feeling.