dont talk cuz you missed a dose bathroom clear now watch the smoke first kiss to apologize last hit to say goodbye. cards dont keep my mind at bay only because i want you so badly to say. i love you....dont hold your breathe..neglected and abused im scorned because i care.. justified yet? better yet vindicated for abusing a good man.lies. altimatum??deadline

what a fuckin day what a night what a fucking week what a fuckin month what a fucking year. im wrong your right i hate work but i love coming home but ... n e ways shes home and ill shut up because tbe only time i get to see you is the best time of my day. but fuck it

its not what you do its when you dont that hurts because it effects the way we correspond with one another. i dont know how to talk to you because your sick and tired hurting and sore. i want to be sweet but instead its all wrong. you wake up and the first thing you think about is dosing. i wake up and the only thing i can think of is oh my god roll over and tell her good morning i love you and much to my surprise...your next door planning your next move....maybe im wrong but thats how it seems. i know you love having morning time with your mom and thats cool but wen its me or pills...... i guess im chopped liver unless your up. ok so you do one pill a day. but when one pill missed means closing the door and hating the world then theres a problem. of course its never been a problem because youve been surrounded by people who do the same and you feel vindicated and justified in your ways. your ex didnt mind cause he did it to your brother dont mind cuz he makes money. your mom desnt mind cuz she gets up too from your fill. but me.....but me...lets not make this about me....of course i live with that all the time.and thats why when i do decide to man up and say smething it all comes out at once because i love you and im scared that your going to keep going down hill and becoming even more dissasociative with the world and me. how can you be mad at someone who genuinly loves you and wants to see you smile and watch you enjoy everyday without the dt factor.i love you hrde thats all. dont hate me for being worried just get over it. as long as your going through it ill be doing the same and im just as tired...team work with our powers combined we can do anything...anything. i love you

i hate you when your on pills i hate it when you tell me i thought about what you said and swear to slow down or stop but go right back to it. i hate that im not important enough to you i hate that im always wrong i hate that i can ne er have an opinion around you especially on pills i hate that my life has to change but yours dnt i hate how you love to point the finger but youcant take it when somebody points theres at you. take the blame your a pill head and youll be dope sick the rest of your life.. you love yoour pillls more than you love me and i love you more than i do weed..........aint it funny baybay???? you dont realize your about to loose a really good man..who knows you probably told me that youd sell those pills and went in your pocket and bought them fr yourself. you actually do me wrong but im not supposed to be upset...well to late im sick and tired of having a dope sick fiance i will not put myself through that pain and guilt i diserve better and i love you but im almost gone baby...i want you to realize i want to spend my last days with you..want to be happy and old and honest sober people and a loving couple in the slow lan not the fast lane aways.. it brings me to my knees to think im not important to you..eventhugh you clearly stated that i am i do not honestly believe it or else you would have changed

sometimes my mind wnt allow me to think,my legs refuse to let me move,my heart fails to beat and im just there defensless in a crowded room full of friends. sometimes it just gets to be to much,so hard to keep going when your whole life youve just been...keep going. i want to stop and be at peace but instead my soul is restless searching for answers that stem from the most complex questions. i wish there was someone on this planet that understood this chaotic brain of mine..breathe!!!

im not going to delete that video because it was me being silly-its a given. but i know you can and i dont see what memories you have from that that you cant replace or make a new one with me.that was your past but your past is holding me back.its a video ok but it hurts me to see those stupid things yall were doing and the way you was interacting toghether.makes me believe that you still are not over that guy. fuck it i guess its not important because i love you . do you realize how that makes me feel? like im not important enough to you for you to say yeah its my past its over im done with it and i really dont mind getting rid of it because your all thats important but of course you dont see it that a way i love you but i hate you right now because you dont love me enough. thats a lie.you posted that video with your email that youve had forever and i know it but i wont speak cuz you dont want to hear it...thaks babe. i love you too. maybe i should resend the vid of me and my ex laying in bed talking about future plans and grabbing each other talkin bout were going to be toghether forever and our talk on the difference between republican and democrat..but that has no effect on me and id much rather forgit those years and put them behind me cuz im over her. your not over wolf.if he gives you such good memorys then go back to him but dont fuck a good man over because you care about a memory you made with him.....fuck it i hate you

 sometimes just sometimes ok maybe most times..head gets fogged up so i row out more lines spend my time flying less time crying more time trying feel like im stuck in a corner

nobody knows what a real mess i am what troubles im still humble cant fumble  

 let me clear this row so i can stay at ease

same thing happens everytime i breathe

whipped to believe different

love is a very weird  uncontrollable  thing it
seems 

60?

thunder ohh?

i may have stole a monster from walmart and even went in your purse to get that but i did not do what i am accused of. eventhough my past is questionable i did not do that but now i have no defense. it just hurts to know that the reasn im going to loose her is over something that i honestly did not due and have no knowledge about.i did what i did and she knows about it but as far as that goes i am not wrong i am only wrong for not doing it so that i could say yes i did it and not be blamed for a ill fated coincidence. i love but i hurt i hurt but i will live to fight another day with or without her i will be alright but without her i have no reason for living..thinking bout overdosing today hell maybe going to the woods and blowing my heart out cuz i cant live anymore. she dont trust me over something that probably happened in between here and there but i will and am the scape goat for everything that can happen...shes at her brothers and im sitting here thinking about my future and seeing if i can see myself

so i got fired today, apparently you can get terminated or lack of better use ''dismissed''. well sitting here watching the rise of tash with the only thing that matters. well today starts here i guess. just wish my mind would stop for a second so i can get it toghether i mean ive been there for a year and sme onths. you i would have some standing in the company...guess not.

i love my sweet pea,she keeps me up when all i want to do is shut down..relationship stuff, sending for insurance,getting car fixed,requesting affidavid,doing laundry,keeping up the house,making preperations for the noterizer to fill out the partnership form... sometimes i just want to say fuck the world and let me sleep but if she aint beside me i dont know what im doing in this world.