find your smile

its not what you do its when you dont that hurts because it effects the way we correspond with one another. i dont know how to talk to you because your sick and tired hurting and sore. i want to be sweet but instead its all wrong. you wake up and the first thing you think about is dosing. i wake up and the only thing i can think of is oh my god roll over and tell her good morning i love you and much to my surprise...your next door planning your next move....maybe im wrong but thats how it seems. i know you love having morning time with your mom and thats cool but wen its me or pills...... i guess im chopped liver unless your up. ok so you do one pill a day. but when one pill missed means closing the door and hating the world then theres a problem. of course its never been a problem because youve been surrounded by people who do the same and you feel vindicated and justified in your ways. your ex didnt mind cause he did it to your brother dont mind cuz he makes money. your mom desnt mind cuz she gets up too from your fill. but me.....but me...lets not make this about me....of course i live with that all the time.and thats why when i do decide to man up and say smething it all comes out at once because i love you and im scared that your going to keep going down hill and becoming even more dissasociative with the world and me. how can you be mad at someone who genuinly loves you and wants to see you smile and watch you enjoy everyday without the dt factor.i love you hrde thats all. dont hate me for being worried just get over it. as long as your going through it ill be doing the same and im just as tired...team work with our powers combined we can do anything...anything. i love you