heather's journal

i don't really know whether or not it's improving.
i think i may be getting to the point where i may be realizing we're just friends.
and now that i say that, it'll probably get worse than ever.

i was thinking earlier tonight.
which is always dangerous.
but a few weeks ago, when alli was still in florida.
i was out there on the phone with her and he said to tell her hi.
and when i got off the phone, he asked if she was one he had met.
and i said that i thought so, and that she had been out there with me before.
then he asked if she was the one from the assumption fest.
i told him she wasn't and that that was lauren.

and that may sound like it would have meant nothing.
but it does.
to me anyway.
because that night at the assumption fest was one of the first times i really realized that i liked him.
we flirted soooo much that night.
and lauren has said that she could tell he liked me that night.

yeah, it was over a year ago.
but that he remembers it amazed me.
i think about it all the time.
but i never thought that night would ever cross his mind again.
and maybe i'm overthinking it like i do everything else.
but for some reason, in the back of my mind.
there's hope that the reason he remembers it is because he did [or does] like me.
which is why i wonder why he brought it up.
that's where the 'does he maybe still have feelings for me' comes in.

love that you cannot have lasts the longest, feels the strongest, and hurts the deepest.