&&if you asked me if i loved him; id lie.

a lot changed this weekend
first of all, lauren and i are no longer friends
at all
which is fine by me
because the way i see it, we haven't been friends for a while

but the real reason i'm doing this is
yet again
him

we were out there today
and he came over and talked to us
like usual
and while he's sitting there
he starts telling us about this girl he saw walking around town
he said:
"she had red hair, she was about heather's height...about the same build too, actually, she kind of looked like heather except with red hair"
so while i'm sitting there trying to figure out who it could have possibly been
he goes, "she was cute..."

it's like he's subtly hitting on me in front of my family
i won't complain
i think it's kind of cute

and he asked me about kendra, which was weird
but obviously, he's not like stuck on candace
he's leaving his options open
which gives me a tiny glimmer of hope...
but it still makes me feel bad
because she still feels that way about him

and i've also been thinking that maybe i should tell jess
not everything
just maybe that i'm starting to feel this way now
not that i have for way over a year
because if i tell her, maybe, somehow, something will finally happen
and i won't tell her right away
but like, within the next couple weeks

but until then
i'll keep praying
and lying.