heather's journal

i answered the phone thinking we would just talk about her date.
but lord was i wrong.

"i have to tell you something."
"okay?"
"you can't be mad at me."
"alright?"
"i kind of...did a little...pot."

and her excuse for it being okay was that "it wasn't that much."
it doesn't matter how much it was.
what matters is that she did it.

i'm not mad about it.
i'm disappointed, which will probably be worse when she hears it.
because she looks up to me.
i'm like her older sister, always have been.

and the worst part is that she has a blood test when she gets back.
so, they'll find out.
and they'll probably never let her go back to florida.

but i can't feel sorry for her there.
i won't.
she knew that before she did it.
and she still chose to do it.

and if she choses to do more of it when she gets home.
i don't know what i'll do.

because if i find myself somehow unable to be friends with her.
it'll be completely unfair.
because i stuck by all my other friends when they did it.
well, the ones who have stopped anyway.
but they stopped.
and the ones that didn't;
we're not friends anymore.

then i find myself saying.
if i do stick by her and she choses to keep doing it.
then i'm doing something i don't believe in.
and i'd feel that, in a sense, i'd be enabling her.
and i don't like that thought.

but then i go back to the sticking by everyone else who stopped.
the fact that we always say "through everything."
and that "smoking pot" isn't exempt from everything.

so i have no idea what i'll do.
why did it have to be her?