My first boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and I can't seem to get over him and move on.. So.. In order to maybe sort out my feelings about him, I decided to start journaling to see it helps me in some way. Hopefully it does...

JonMichael Christopher Ren Silva was his name, his parents have this thing where the initals of their childrens name's have to do with something Biblical.. His just so happened to be "Jesus Christ Risen Saviour". I always thought that was kinda' corny and cool at the same time. We dated for a year, two months, and two days.. We knew each other for about two and a half years.. We met my freshman year in Honors English. I remember the first time I saw him.. Sitting in Biolgy the first day of school.. He was new.. I thought he was someone else at first. A "Spinuzzi" (<- My moms Ex husbands best friends son that wants us dead... Thats another story..) That family is known to be very, VERY smart.. in a super internet nerd creeper way. So of course, he sparked my inerest. I didn't talk to him for the longest time. Maybe two months into school.. The first time I actually "talked" to him was online, Yahoo Messenger. One of my friends was 'Talking To Him', which now adays means that they were on the verge of going out. Well, they did end up going out, which was kinda' cool with me. I'm no longer friends with Stephanie.. Turns out she wasn't a good person, lied, slept around and stuff like that.. Either way, I still thought she was a little too dumb for him.. Their conversations were always like: "omg wats^ jonmicael!?!?11" "Oh nothing..." He was literate.. Which I really liked. Don't get me wrong, I'd never try to steal a friends boyfriend away, but it was really annoying.. Me and Jonmichael talked casually.. still never at school, I'm not exactly a social butterfly and people make me nervous.. Especially guys.  After a month, she told me she was cheating on him.. We started passing notes at school and JonMicahel and I started to become really close friends. Which became a problem.. Do I tell him that his girlfriend is cheating or keep my other friend.. I decided not to tell him.. He really liked her.. I didn't want to be the one to deliever the news, and I also didn't want to seem like I was breaking them up to try to steal him for myself. I'm really not that kind of person. Anyways.. she eventually breaks up with him.. Me and Stef grow apart because I really didn't agree with her reasons for doing it.. She was one of those "I'm a cheerleader its my job to sleep with everyone in school" types.. Well, I moved to JonMichaels table in English. We laugh and joke everyday in class, never paying attention and still passing the class with perfect scores while everyone else is on the verge of failing.

Garrison has around 400 students total. From Pre-K to Highschool. In the town, certain families rule. If your a Lunsford, or a Stokes, or a Walker, you had everything. All the money, popularity, everything. If you;ve ever read the book "To Kill a Mockingbird" It's pretty simular to Maycomb. The students here aren't exactly.. bright. For instance today in my Physics class the teacher had us color rainbows. I guess it's mostly the teachers fault for the way we are. They don't teach. Teachers pass out hand written notes, with highlighted parts that will be on the test, and the tests will have like, 5 word matching and "A or B" multiple choice. Mostly all the teachers are just coaches because the school is too cheap to actually have real teaches. We have 9 coaches. 9. It's just so annoying knowing I'm not getting the education I need for college. All we do every single day is watch the current movies that are out.. it's like this in every class. Theres no challenge.. Everything is so brainless and I really can't stand it one bit! Ugh. Anyways. Thats just some background information about the type of people  I have to deal with everyday. We live in the middle of East Texas country. You either grow up to be a chicken farmer, or a chicken farmers wife. (Who already has 3 kids from all differnt guys...) Anyways.. back to JonMichael..

So during English we'd laugh and joke.. He'd make funny Lord of The Ring refferences and talk about old video games. I loved it. He was just so funny and a really good guy. He was a Christian, Baptist. Stef was his first girlfriend, and also his first kiss.. When they broke up he'd cry with me, and tell me how he felt. I know that makes him sound kinda' like a pansy, but he really was hurt by her and well, he was my friend and I was going to be there for him. We got very close..

Thats enough for today.. I know I'm not exactly a great writer, and alot of what I say probably doesnt make alot of sense because I leave out so many details, but this is for me, so that I can put my thoughts out on "paper." I just want to type out my thoughts and get rid of the stress. It really does help. =]