a dream is only a dream.

you know how sometimes the "what is your biggest wish" question is asked. or "if you could have one wish what would it be?"

mine is to actually wake up in the morning...and the thought of my weight wouldn't be on my mind.. that i could go out with my friends and not feel embaraced with how big i feel. that i could sit there and eat a meal without thinking about how many calories im consuming. that when i consume more then 100 calrories and not freak out about it. but im worried that day is never going to come. that im always going to see myself as huge. that im never going to be happy with the way i look. even if im nothing but skin and bones ill probably be able to find something wrong with me. im kinda scared i must admit.

i just want to be thin. i wish there was a door to my stomach where i could just open it anytime i wanted.. where i could eat whatever i wanted anytime i wanted and then just open the door and take it out. and i HATE careing. im 20 years old. i shouldn't care at all. i should just be living life, enjoying it. but its got a hold of my mind. its seriously the only thing i think of.. 24/7 my thoughts are on my weight and i really can't take it anymore.

can someone let me know how to trade my life in for a new one?