Another day ruined. Everything is about to fall apart. Am I
really a big disappointment? 

Not my intention to break their trust. In fact I was trying so
hard to be better, trying not to go back to my old self again.
My old crazy life. But I think I am not trying hard enough. I
always want them to stay, but I always end up pushing them away,
breaking their hearts. Maybe I don't really deserve somebody like
them. Is there really a monster hidden inside me? I have been questioning myself ever since. Is that the reason why she left. Because she knew that I can be dangerous, that I might unleashed that monster.
Like that from Japan's anime Naruto having that nine-tailed beast
hidden inside him. I don't want that monster to have a control over
my life. But I think that is what is happening. The pain will always remain inside me. But what can I do? even if I do not think
of it, it will still break my heart. I don't want to hurt them, the
people I love. But I don't really know why bad things are happening. what is happening to me? Am I
unleashing that monster now? =(