So far today at work, I have:

-Witnessed a vomitously oversweet display of affection.

-Had a key thrown at me.

-Called a taxi for shopping bags.

-Told a guy to smash his head through a window.

-Spied on the small war brewing between the chapperones of Cambridge and London.

-Declared myself a socratic terrorist.

I would like to go home now, please.