Something else to feel bad about: I had a bit of a tidy up in the living room, tidying up the junk beneath the coffee table and in the magazine rack. So thats general junk not items specifically of E's. Among the stuff were a couple of old Valentine's cards from me to her, I put them in the "throw out" pile. Didn't really think twice about it, I definitely didn't do it out of any sense of malice or bitterness. anyway, I mentioned it to E today and she wasn't happy about it. I said sorry and I would fish them out when I got home - only the bin gets emptied today so they've gone. I text her to tell her and say sorry and she replied that she's quite upset she really would have wanted to keep them. Sure I could be harsh and say "well you shouldn't have left them" and maybe I could gloat a bit that she should want them. But I don't feel either of those things. I just feel very sad about it. i wish I hadn't thrown them away, I feel terrible about it. Pain pain pain is never a stranger to me.