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Thu, 6 Nov 2008

2:57 AM - ok fuck you

alright, i dont knwo what happened ther was an error. i wrote a long, articulate article but it got deleted, so im gonna just shit this out realquick

my teacher is an asshole

my group are asshols

so now i have to do my college project by myself

i hate a great time with Mae today

it was fucked up by the pseudo-argument i had with Gabby today about how i dont feel like she appreciates me and the fact that i fuck her any god damn way she wants.

coped with it by daydreaming about mae and hanging out with nikki

i related to everyone else better than i relate to the girl im with.

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Wed, 5 Nov 2008

9:48 AM - ugh.

alright, i just woke up. i dont have any dreams to report on, but thats because i didnt sleep. i have been tihnking, though, and in the midst of my stoney crusty blahhness i feel that i should try out a new regime for myself.

This is pretty out of nowhere, yes, but thats how i do a lot of shit.

I'm going to try to go with the flow. Far from apathetic, but still not so overzealous. im goign to try to go with the flow with school, friends, art, skateboarding, family, and living in general.

Take the fact that i haven't slep a wink tonight. Normally, I'd still be fighting a losing battle in trying to get some sleep, whcih would ultimately lead to me sleepin in too much and being almost 10 mintues late for English. Instead, I'm up, writing the second real journal entry ever, talking about going with the flow. Instead of flopping around lke a half-dead fish im going to get up, print my proposal and get in the shower. thne im going to mosey on over to school, try to stay as happy as i can in English, and be as much as a beacon of love as i can for my friends afterwards. Then i'll go to Speech and try to soak up as much as the informaton as possible, both because i want to do better on my test and because the stuff Mr Hanks is teaching can really be a positive change in my life.

I used up the last of my left over halloween stash, so it looks like my little high vacation is over. i'm not really homesick, but im peacfully saying goodbye to it nevertheless. the novelty of being stoned 24/7 is  a little won off, anyway. i do think it gave me something good in the end though, as i think it could do me some good to chase the feeling of being half-connected with the real world and constantly transcending ot-of-the-box waves from who knows where. maybe with meditation or practice or something i can still get it while sober. we'll see.

writing on this thing is wierd.

off to my pc, then in the shower. lets see how this day goes.

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4:34 AM - not a dream entry..

afterstone.i still feel like my elbows are covered in invisible robot ice..I feel like i want to get somewhere. I want to create things like art and music, and be known for it. Not overrejoyced, but sufficiently recognized. The most I'm doing is getting a few design jobs here and there and making charming myspace layouts for myself. When i think about do these, i find myself wanting more. I want to be designing for something i know a lot of people are going to see. because itll be for something done by me that is receiving it's own recognition as a seperate, but still orginal, entity. nah mean? i dunno if ill be writing like this again, but maybe i will.............................................i downloaded some mind mapping software after i saw a cool video on web design where someone designed a pretty slick looking site by mind mapping all the contect out, then sketching, and then designing in fireworks, which i also downloaded after seeing the video. i hope i get time to check these new techniques out. i really need to make that website for sluglife. i already bought the fucking space. i need to find some motivation............i tihnk i have a serious crush on her. i think about her a lot. im not even thinking about the ring that much. as far as im concerned, when you put a promise ring on, you are no different than you were the moment before. all the ring is, is a label letting you know that youre still together. its like a little metal band of reassurance. and to me as far as SHE goes, its an indicator to me--that is, the moment i notice something wierd, like the rind is gone or something, my hopes can get a little higher........................i feel kind of wierd about my looks lately. i really want to believe that i'm at least somewhere cute, but i kind of doubt i am. i rarely find myself happy with the way i was naturally born to look these days. i ordered a bunch of blank Ts and hoodies in various colors whilr i was stoned, though, so maybe ill be having another style revolution soon. i did feel kind of good today, though, in my Life T and small brown hoody and CCS pants. that hoody looks pretty sexy on my body. and those pants, im beginning to really enjoy them. there like the pants that live through everything, and the older and shittier looking they get, the cooler they are to me and the more i love them. the fit is pretty cool. im digging the slim thing.................im going to try and make my skating looser once and for all. mehul showed me some video vote thing with footage from some of element's flow riders and i was pretty fucking impressed. those kids styles were sick. i want to skate better. im going to try and loosen up because i had the thought today that people with long legs have a certain attractive fluentness with their control over the board. i dont really have long legs, but i want to try and emulate that. i think it would help me enjoy skateboarding more. i think i should write down here, though, that it probably wont come perfectly immediately and i shouldnt get frustrated if it doesnt seem to be working out at first. im going to try and practice, maybe tomorrow if i dont have anything to do. maybe practice doing nosegrinds at a tight angle because i REALLY want to land one on the donut 4 rail in front of everyone. alright i guess ill bounce, i got a wierd day ahead with school and shit

first entry, heh.

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