misunderstood

tonight I can't sleep. I need to start writing my feelings here every night. I want to make it a habit. I don't ever want anyone to see these thoughts, not that it would matter at all, but I feel like it would be best to just leave it alone. tonight flat out sucked. I gave all that I had to helping her solve that issue with her mom and she acted as if it was her idea. I don't understand that. I don't get the feeling of thinking you have already done enough to show someone that you love them. I don't understand not wanting to be around a person, or wanting to sit in front of a television and zone out. It's not healthy, it doesn't make sense. To sit and do nothing, because you have been doing things all day. It hurts that she cares so little sometimes. She looks me in the face and rolls her eyes when I talk. She walks away, turning lights out, and says nothing but I'm going to bed. I don't understand the notion of just leaving a situation uncharted, not figured out. It is confusing that she can't see my point of view. I am not happy with my current state. I am getting back in shape, period, she will give me more attention when this happens, she will love me more, and tell me how attractive I am. I know it, she wants me to look a certain way but she isn't ever honest about it. I don't understand that either. She ask me daily if I have worked out. Hint Hint. I get it. And I am going to bust my ass. I am going to get really busy and she is going to be really happy. The less time we have the better, in her eyes, she is too tired and too worn out and too frustrated and too whatever. Everyday sucks. I am so tired but can't sleep. I know for a fact she is dead asleep. Nothing matters, she shuts everything out, and doesn't give a shit. Well frankly I'm tired and worn out with trying. I'm not trying anymore. I'm going to get real busy and we'll see what she thinks of that. I don't get it and I'm going to bed upset. real upset, but what does it matter.