1.4.08

Well, I've so easily been dropped by Emily. Jen dropped me. Oh, and so did Kathreen, come to think of it. And I wasn't good enough for Lise so I am really starting to wonder what is so fucking wrong with me that people just don't seem to want to stick around. i have so much good to give, and it seems to not be seen. This is so frustrating. It hurts, even though I am trying really hard to fake like it doesn't matter to me. The way I see it, you are in a relationship with everyone in your life. What determines that you have a relationship is that you, in one form or another, you care for them. Well, at least this is true for me. I feel connected to everyone I meet, so much of me wishes that they would just let me in. That they would just trust me. Something in the bck of my head is telling me that I need to learn how to trust myself first... but if that's the case, then why do i feel so impowered when people put a little faith in me. where does that courage come from? and how do i replicate it within myself as opposed to needing that external catalyst? i just want someone who will be good to me and not treat me as if i am a nothing or just so simply replaceable. because i'm not. i will get what i deserve. bah..