anxiety

So I have been having these anxiety attacks... I can't breathe, I have intense chest pains, and one of the last times I had one I actually fainted and couldn't move my body. I don't know what to do about it, but at the same time I don't have the money to go to a professional health care physician... I feel like I am seriously dealing with this alone... Every time I have one of my panic attacks everyone seems to just dismiss the problem and it doesn't seem to be important because it doesn't effect anyone else... The only time it has ever caught the attention of anyone else is when I actually fainted during my shower and couldn't move... But now I just had one again and people just tell me to go away into a room by myself and lay down. I know laying down can help, but while I am not really seeking attention, I also feel like they just want me to have this "problem" behind closed doors... I feel like everyone around me is trying to hide the fact that I have these attacks... Sometimes the attacks go away quicker just because I have someone with me or close by but it feels like everytime I try to reach out for anyone, they just pull away.

I was suffering from an anxiety attack not twenty minutes ago, and the only thing I can turn to is a blog that no one reads.... My boyfriend of a year is playing a video game, my friend of over 10 years is watching videos on her laptop and my friend of 6 or more years is scrolling through facebook... Sometimes I wonder if they even care that these things are happening in our house... It's not like they don't notice, we have been roommates for almost a year now, we go to the same college and we even work in the same place, surely they have noticed at some point...?

Am I just being whiny? Am I just being needy and rediculous? I don't want to bother anyone, but for once I would like for them to be there for me... I help with everything they go through.... boyfriend problems, family issues, fights with other friends, I am theshoulder they can cry on, and the first one they usually come to for help as far as I know... but when I need the same, where are they? Playing video games, doing stupid things on the computer... Generally no where near helping me with my problems... I can't turn to my cousin, she usually helps me through anything but right now she herself is dealing with thoughts of suicide because her already difficult life has hit a turn for the worst, she doesn't need to deal with these problems I am feeling right now on top of that... But who do I turn to? A readerless blog? A friend in Arizona? A pillow to just cry into or maybe a journal to just write things out in? Should I just go fight with myself to do my homework? Why is it I always have to muscle through these things alone?