(no subject)

To an average guy, losing his virginity to ANYBODY is a very proud moment. They got laid, they have something to brag about to their buddies, they don't have that lame "virgin" title anymore. But to an average girl, losing her virgintity is supposed to be special. They don't want everybody and their brother to know the day after. It adds a major emotional attachment to the guy they lost it to and its a physcological fact that even if they fall in love with another guy 30 years after losing their virginity they'll never lose complete feelings for the guy who took it. Personally, losing my virginty was NOT candle lights and jazz music. It was a drunk blurr. I was taken advantage of by someone much older. I was a hit and run, and I know that. But the hardest part is accepting that the person you love will never love you back. They say "love is blind" and it must be, because after everything that happened the night i lost my virginity, after the huge age gap... I still love this guy. And I find it hard even now to date. Even though he's not, I feel like maybe [the guy I love] would be heart broken to know I'm with someone else. It just feels wrong. But you know what, love him or not, I know I deserve better. I know I can DO better. But the fact is, I don't want to.