urn:jj:justjournal.com:atom1:kay420kayJustJournal2026-05-07T07:18:31.259Zurn:jj:justjournal.com:atom1:kay420:32977(no subject)2012-07-15T03:30:00.000Z2012-07-15T03:30:00.000Z<p> In a state of confusion tryin to figure out where i want
to be up or down</p>
<p>Ive been battling a drug addiction for 5 years.. Its kinda sad
if u think about it.. im only 24 and 5 years of my life wasted on
being high. </p>
<p>I cant lie more then i already have .. Ive been living in lies
for a long time.. but atlleast im not a pathalogical liar. I have
my morals I have respect for people who deserve it.. and i am a
natural fighter</p>
<p>I am stuck in a wurlwind of fuckin problems and stress Life is
like a complicated emotional roller coaster ride from hell wwe have
good days and bad days.. other days well im jus fucked up to even
care bout all those other days</p>
<p>I am sttuck between wanting to aCTULually stop being the same
person ive been for the last umpteen years.. dealin with the
addiction and the whole survival of the fittest.. I am pro at being
a mooch i gues u could call it.. Some jus call it a
hustler.. </p>
<p>I dont sell drugs or my self.. never have and for the love of
god.. heres hoping never do I have morals.. i guess the many years
of my beatings from my fuckin douche bag father physically beating
my ass over the the simplist and stupidist of things.. really got
me to respect myself in the end.. in some fucked up way</p>
<p>I am really unsure if i wanna stop living my life the way i have
like im sick of being dependant on the government.. and other
people to support my addiction ive been tryin to get employment for
god knows how long.. I have a gr 8 level of education cuz school
was jus to complex for my head.. i hate teachers and structured
courses id rather do the whole hands on thing. </p>
<p>but my english sucks as we can tell. i speak well. writing
paragraphs and my grammer is shit.. </p>
<p>but i hope that if i continue to look for work it will come..
till then i dunno my mind runs so quickly and my thoughts.. are all
over the place.. but i shall continue later i have a needy bf
who is feeling neglected.. and wants to spend time with me.. OJHHHH
joy.. yay me </p>
<p>till later ciao.. i cant wait too write more.. </p>
<p>3:32 am, </p>