quiet nights

silence is the worst. it enables these wheels to turn in your mind. it brings what was once in the background to the foreground. it's not a bad thing. it just is what it is, what it always was... just thoughts that i've never dealt with. and now this silence magnifies these thoughts. these marathons are being run in my brain and i sit here baring witness to it all like a fortune teller looking into their magic ball except i don't see what the future holds - i see what is current, what exists at present, i feel like i see what most people don't. and even though it feels a bit traumatizing, i accept it wholly and fully because in dealing with the present i can leave space and create what will be my future. it is a step in the right direction.