Pondering

I guess I should be really excited. Things are looking up for me. I have 2 interviews Monday for jobs I feel I'd do well in and have good benefits and longevity in. But somehow, I'm now nervous and fearful of being let down. I am not sure why. I'm quite accustomed to 'selling myself'. I guess I just wish I were back to work again and things were back to what they were. The finances have been tight lately w/o my working. Haven't heard a thing from unemployment in 3 wks. We're living on savings and what Mark earns and that has made things a bit rough. We've been here in the past, so living frugally isn't new or anything. We can do it w/ ease when necessary. I guess the uncertainty of the sitation is getting to me. I feel inadequate. I feel 'out of the loop' and not really productive. This is the first time I've ever been terminated, so it takes some getting used to. I don't miss the job at all. I miss the folks on my caseload, but I don't miss the job and the environment and the shadiness of it all. But lesson learned: don't give up a steady thing for one you don't know much about. I really would like to work for the state again. I could pick up my seniority, my leave, my benefits, my retirement and my friends again. It would be nice. It's close to home too. So, here's to hoping. I'd be happy to work anywhere right now. But I'll go where God leads me. I found out my friend Holly got the job she wanted and is moving 2 hrs away. I'm happy for her and sad for me. I'll miss her terribly. We've been friends for 13 yrs. She's like a sister to me. But this will be an exciting change for her and I know she's excited. Well, I can only hope this coming week can warrant some more good news. As time passes and I hear nothing, I become more afraid of the possibility of not keeping everything afloat. I'll just keep praying and reading and leave that ball in God's court. He'll make a way somehow. I just want this coming week to come and go and have some good news. I'm very nervous. Here's to positive thought and high hopes.

Love,

Me