reachingout

So I created this blog because I need an outlet for helping myself.  I feel so alone, yet in reality, it's more like feeling ignored by those around me.

Over the past few months my life has become so hechtic.  Between problems with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with (we're just dating so at least no divorce is looming), financial woes, gaining 20 lbs, a lawsuit pending, and friend issues.... I'm feeling totally overwhelmed.  I've tried everything to get the pain out, I've cried.. I've screamed... I've pondered... I've relaxed.  It's gotten to the point that I'm completely out of control.

I've turned into a control freak.  I can't get into elevators... an irrational and silly fear, but I'm afraid they're going to stop while I'm inside.  My lifelong fear of heights has reached an all-time high.  I can't fly.  My boyfriend is telling me I'm a control freak.... I'm scared that I'm losing everything in my life to this anxiety.

I'm stressed... and tired... my eyes hurt from crying.