again... its a vicious cycle

So I'm sitting here in front of the computer again at an obscene hour on a day I need to get up for work.

It's 1130.  I've spent the last SIX hours fighting with my boyfriend about some last minute "business trip" he is going on.  He's going to Mexico.  So his boss lives there.... doesn't change the fact that he found out a day and a half before he was leaving.  Interesting that he packed a bathing suit.  Of course this prompted a due fight which resulted in things being slammed, obscenities being hurled, and more damage being done to our frail relationship.

I can't fight anymore.  He feels like I fight out of anger, but in reality I'm fighting for us.  I'm fighting for this relationship to last.  I'm fighting for us to win this battle of discomfort.  I'm so weary of feeling this way; feeling so hopeless and out of control.  It's all up to him now and his three day business trip to a vacation/honeymoon locale in his luxury spa resort.

I hate this aspect of my life.  I hate not understanding where he is coming from and how he thought it was acceptable to go on this trip so last minute without discussing it with me?  And I even said, hey I could come with you!  Apparantly that isn't okay either.  That's not "conforming" he says.

But since when have weekend business trips been the norm.

I even stooped so low in my tears to call my worried father who promptly gave me the cliche "if it looks like shit and it smells like shit-- it's probably shit." eased my worries so much.

wish me luck at work tomorrow plastering on my happy-go-lucky, bright eyed and bushy tailed, fake ASS SMILE.